Homework

PRAISE FOR THE PREVIOUS EDITION
“One of our world’s great problems is egocentric, self-serving leadership—leaders
who think people exist for their benefit, instead of vice versa. In stark contrast,
Jesus modeled servant leadership, leading by example. He said, ‘I came to serve,
not to be served.’ Now, two thousand years later, Jesus has over 2.1 billion
followers, which makes Him the undisputed greatest leader of all time. No one else
comes close! This is why you need to know how to lead like Jesus. He is the only
flawless example. That’s why you should read this book!”
—Rick Warren, Author, The Purpose Driven Life Named One of
“America’s Twenty-five Best Leaders” (U.S. News and World Report)
“I had the pleasure of hosting at our church one of Ken Blanchard and Phil
Hodges’s Lead Like Jesus Celebrations. What an impactful day that was for those
who participated. I know they will never think about leadership in the same way
again. Reading Lead Like Jesus will provide you with that kind of experience.
Don’t miss learning from the greatest leadership role model of all time.”
—Bob Russell, Bob Russell Ministries; Retired Pastor, Southeast Christian
Church
“Ever since writing Leadership by the Book with Ken Blanchard and Phil Hodges,
I’ve watched them grow in their depth of understanding of what the Bible reveals
about how Jesus would have us lead others. The best thinking the Lord has
revealed to them, to this point, can be found in this book. If you want to be the
servant leader that Jesus mandated His followers to be, then read Lead Like Jesus.
It will change your life and the lives of people you are able to influence.”
—Bill Hybels, Senior Pastor, Willow Creek Community Church
“You’ll find few men better qualified to address this topic than Ken Blanchard. His
favorite name is Jesus and preferred verb is lead. Let him do for you what he’s
done for me and millions of others—help you lead like Jesus.”
—Max Lucado, Minister of Preaching, Oak Hills Church; Bestselling
Author
“Finally. Finally. Finally. A definitive guide to the connection between our faith
and our work—one that is both theoretically elegant and immensely practical. This
is, without a doubt, the most important management book I have ever
encountered.”
—Patrick Lencioni, Author, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team
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“Ken Blanchard and Phil Hodges continue to lead us deeper into the gold mines of
God’s Word to the treasured truth of life. Lead Like Jesus promises a refurbishing,
applicable perspective from the leader of all time!”
—Dan T. Cathy, President and COO, Chick-fil-A, Inc.
“For those who seek to lead like Jesus, this book is an important reflective tool in
helping to better understand—who we are, where we are going, and why it is
important for people to follow. It is a reminder to all of us that leadership is only a
means. To what end is the ultimate question.”
—C. William Pollard, Chairman, Executive Committee, Billy Graham
Evangelistic Association; Former Chairman, ServiceMaster
“There is no greater leadership model than Jesus, and Blanchard and Hodges have
taken years of experience identifying the leadership characteristics of Jesus that
will affect your life and leadership. They have hit the nail on the head with Lead
Like Jesus.”
—John C. Maxwell, Founder of the John Maxwell Company, the John
Maxwell Team, EQUIP, and the John Maxwell Leadership Foundation
“Millions of people wish everyone could lead like Jesus. Ken Blanchard and Phil
Hodges have dedicated their time and energy, insights and professionalism, to
make it happen. Read this book and ponder the questions raised, the ideas
presented, and ask yourself if you too can take up the challenge in your own life.
It’s not just what would Jesus do, but especially, how would Jesus lead? This book
will help you find the answers.”
—Laurie Beth Jones, Author, Jesus, CEO; The Path; Jesus: Life Coach;
and The Four Elements of Success
“Ken has a divine passion for leaders to let Jesus live out His life through them in
servant leadership. His book, Lead Like Jesus, is an extremely timely book that is
both thorough and God-honoring. I highly recommend it to all who lead others.”
—Henry Blackaby, Author, Experiencing God
“Lead Like Jesus is a gift to the sincere and a beacon of light to the lost. May the
knowledge conveyed in this teaching help spread the message of truth around the
world. It has spoken to my heart as well as my mind.”
—Mary Anne Shula, Shula Enterprises
“Lead Like Jesus transcends all relationships and cuts to the heart of the matter—
leading like Jesus will change you and the lives you touch. Choose this book today
to be challenged and motivated to lead at a higher level everywhere! You’ll never
be or lead the same again!”
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—Marjorie Dorr, Independent Director, Pharmerica Corporation; Former
Chief Strategy Officer, WellPoint, Inc.
“In Lead Like Jesus we learn that it is intimacy with Jesus that transforms our lives
and leadership. The difference between this and other leadership books is that the
focus on Jesus encourages the leader to actually learn, grow, and change behavior.
There is no more effective way to becoming a great leader.”
—Vince Siciliano, President and CEO, New Resource Bank
“A path-breaking book in every way. This book shows you how to live your faith
in your world—without ducking, without offending. Follow the path and be
changed in every way.”
—Bob Buford, Author, Halftime and Finishing Well Founder, Leadership
Network
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© 2016 Lead Like Jesus
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Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by W Publishing, an imprint of Thomas Nelson.
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Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV
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ISBN 978-0-7180-7725-9 (TP)
ePub Edition April 2016: ISBN 9780718084974
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Library of Congress Control Number: 2015917587
16 17 18 19 20 RRD 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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CONTENTS
Ebook Instructions
Introduction
PART I: A BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE ON LEADERSHIP
Chapter 1: Are You a Leader?
Chapter 2: The Greatest Leadership Role Model of All Time
Chapter 3: Jesus the Servant
Chapter 4: Is Jesus a Relevant Role Model for Us Today?
Chapter 5: A Transformational Journey That Begins on the Inside
Chapter 6: The Four Domains of Leading Like Jesus
PART II: THE HEART OF A GREAT LEADER
Chapter 7: What Does Leading Like Jesus Look Like?
Chapter 8: I Want to Lead Like Jesus, but My Heart Does Not
Chapter 9: The Results of a Heart Out of Order
Chapter 10: Warning Signs on the Path to Edging God Out
Chapter 11: A Heart Turnaround
PART III: THE BEING HABITS
Chapter 12: The Habit of Accepting and Abiding in God’s Unconditional
Love
Chapter 13: The Habit of Experiencing Solitude
Chapter 14: The Habit of Practicing Prayer
Chapter 15: The Habit of Knowing and Applying Scripture
Chapter 16: The Habit of Maintaining Supportive Relationships
PART IV: THE HEAD OF A GREAT LEADER
Chapter 17: Developing Your Own Compelling Vision
Chapter 18: Jesus’ Compelling Vision
Chapter 19: Creating a Compelling Team/Organizational Vision
Chapter 20: Implementing Your Compelling Vision
PART V: THE HANDS OF A GREAT LEADER
Chapter 21: The Leader as a Performance Coach
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Chapter 22: The Work of the Carpenter
Chapter 23: The Way of the Carpenter
Chapter 24: The EGO Factor
PART VI: THE DOING HABITS
Chapter 25: The Habit of Obeying God and Expressing His Unconditional
Love
Chapter 26: The Habit of Grace
Chapter 27: The Habit of Forgiveness
Chapter 28: The Habit of Encouragement
Chapter 29: The Habit of Community
Chapter 30: Leading Like Jesus Begins in You
PART VII: NEXT STEPS TO LEADING LIKE JESUS
Chapter 31: Leading Positive Change
Chapter 32: EGOs Anonymous: Taking the First Step Toward Exalting
God Only
Next Steps to Leading Like Jesus: Checklist
Next Steps to Leading Like Jesus: Resource List
Discussion Guide
Acknowledgments
Notes
About the Authors
Index
Scripture Index
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Ebook Instructions
In this ebook edition, please use your device’s note-taking function to record your
thoughts wherever you see the bracketed instructions [Your Notes] or [Your
Response]. Use your device’s highlighting function to record your response
whenever you are asked to checkmark, circle, underline, or otherwise indicate your
answer(s).
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INTRODUCTION
The world is in desperate need of a different leadership role model. Written a
decade ago, the original Lead Like Jesus book begins with this statement, which
we believe is still true today.
Our experiences and learnings in the last ten years have continued to remind us
that the most important thing in leadership is the leader; the most important part of
the leader is his or her heart; and the most important connection to a leader’s heart
is God.
Most leadership resources focus on management techniques, competencies,
strategies, and tactics while ignoring the most important part of leadership—the
leaders themselves. At Lead Like Jesus, we believe that real, lasting change starts
on the inside. When a leader chooses to allow Jesus to transform him or her from
the inside out, that choice will have an effect on everyone and everything that
leader influences. We are clear: you can’t lead like Jesus without Jesus!
A tremendous benefit happens in the lives of people who lead like Jesus:
freedom. Jesus is the only one who offers a model of leadership that’s built on
freedom and complete security in Him and His power at work within us. While the
world continues to throw solutions at us that are built on self-empowerment, selfreliance, competition, peer pressure, and performance, leading like Jesus frees us to
reach heights of influence we never would be able to reach on our own. When we
are free from pride and fear, free to humbly accept feedback and admit our
mistakes, and strong enough to overlook offenses and forgive the errors of others,
we can lead people and help them reach their full potential.
Still, in the perspective of some leaders, leading like Jesus is “soft” or
impractical; for this reason, many leaders continue to bypass it. The results of this
way of thinking are clear: continued struggles, dissatisfied employees, frustrated
leaders, broken families, split churches, and chaotic, poorly performing teams and
organizations.
Try to imagine leaders who lead like Jesus. Leaders who love those they
influence so much that they help them get from where they are to where God
would have them go. Leaders who hold people accountable, encourage them daily,
confront challenges, and bring authenticity, character, and integrity to every
interaction. Leaders who want to guide others on the same path. Imagine a world
full of those leaders!
There is no need to search further. We have the perfect leadership role model in
Jesus. We simply need to follow Him and allow Him to work in us and through us.
Even though we have been declaring for many years that Jesus is the greatest
leadership role model of all time, we have not realized the full extent of the
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leadership gifts He offers us. Jesus is not only the greatest servant leader but also
the greatest visionary, the greatest team builder, the greatest team motivator, and
the greatest change agent of all time. In fact, we cannot think of any attribute of
leadership that Jesus did not model for everyone as He trained His disciples. Now,
more than two thousand years later, Jesus still has more followers than any leader
the world has ever had.
We have also learned—or relearned—that leading like Jesus is love-based
leadership. In fact, God intends the primary outcome of our leadership and
influence to be showing people Jesus’ love. Leading like Jesus is essentially a
matter of the heart. It is also the highest thought of the head, it is the principal
work of the hands, and it is both expressed through and replenished by the habits.
The formula Everything – Love = Nothing is not of our making. It is the
irrefutable law of the kingdom of God, perfectly fulfilled by Jesus. It is also the
defining characteristic of the leadership model of Jesus: leading like Jesus means
loving like Jesus.
These timeless words of the apostle Paul have much to say to those who are
leaders and teachers, who influence the lives of others:
If we speak with the tongues of men and angels, but do not have love (as our
purpose), we have become noisy gongs or clanging cymbals. If we have the gifts
of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge (about how to lead
people); and if we have all faith (in our leadership), so as to remove mountains,
but do not have love, we are nothing. And if (we engage in selfish acts of selfpromotions and) we give all our possessions to feed the poor and if we surrender
our bodies to be burned, but do not have love, it profits us nothing. (1
Corinthians 13:1–3, paraphrased)
In this book we will dig deeper into what it means to “love the Lord your God
with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” and to “love your
neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37–39). We will explore how our formal and
informal influence on others can encourage them to develop a closer relationship
with God and help them see the love He has for them—the love so beautifully
demonstrated through His Son, Jesus.
Included are the following new or expanded lessons we’ve learned during the
past ten years:
• If a leader’s heart and motives are not right, all the brightest thinking and
most skilled leadership cannot progress beyond the limits of artful, selfserving exploitation and manipulation.
• The Being Habits and the Doing Habits of Jesus provide practical ways to put
into action the desire to lead like Jesus.
• Connecting powerful personal testimonies with biblical truths brings added
relevance and authenticity to the Lead Like Jesus message for people of
different generations and cultures.
• Leadership is about change: initiating change, responding to change, guiding
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the process of change, reinforcing change, and modeling change for others.
• To lead like Jesus calls for engagement in an interactive personal relationship
with God through Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.
Ken and Phil are excited that Phyllis Hendry, our dear friend, our sister in
Jesus, and the president/CEO of the Lead Like Jesus ministry, is joining us as a
coauthor. Her passion for the Lead Like Jesus message and her personal experience
of the power of love and leadership greatly enrich this book.
Our prayer is that this book will strengthen your relationship with Jesus and
that you will accept Him not only as your Lord and Savior but also as your
leadership role model. As you are transformed, people around you will be
influenced and drawn to the same model whether they are leading a business, a
nonprofit organization, a community initiative, a church, or a family.
No matter how difficult your leadership role may seem, remember what Jesus
said: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest”
(Matthew 11:28). Jesus’ invitation is still open. And it is open to you.
We invite you to become part of the movement so that someday everyone,
everywhere, will be impacted by someone who leads like Jesus.
On the journey with you,
KEN BLANCHARD
PHIL HODGES
PHYLLIS HENDRY
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PART I
A BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE ON
LEADERSHIP
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body
you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell
among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom
through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with
gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do
it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father
through him.
Colossians 3:15–17
People often see leadership based on an “It’s all about me” approach. In all kinds
of organizations and institutions, the rewards of money, recognition, and power
increase as an individual moves up the hierarchy. Self-promotion (pride) and selfprotection (fear) dominate today’s leadership style. Many leaders act as if the
sheep are there only for the benefit of the shepherd. In personal relationships,
leadership based on mutual respect, loving care, self-sacrifice, and openness is
often undermined when pride, fear, and indifference replace intimacy with
isolation. That’s the bad news.
The good news is that there is a better way. This alternative approach to
leadership is driven by four basic beliefs that have become central to our ministry:
• Leadership happens anytime we influence the thinking, behavior, or
development of another person.
• Jesus is the greatest leadership role model of all time.
• Servant leadership is the only approach to leadership that Jesus validates for
His followers.
• Effective leadership begins on the inside, with our hearts.
As you explore these four beliefs, we hope you will gain an entirely different
perspective on leadership. May you come to see leadership as a journey that begins
with your own transformation and progresses to your leading another person, then
to leading a small number of people, and finally to leading an organization. May
you also see that leadership is the alignment of four essential domains: the heart,
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the head, the hands, and the habits.
Let’s get started!
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1
ARE YOU A LEADER?
Jesus called [his disciples] together and said, “You know that those who
are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high
officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever
wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever
wants to be first must be slave of all.”
Mark 10:42–44
In our Lead Like Jesus workshops, we often ask, “How many of you think of
yourselves as a leader?” We are amazed that only about 20 to 25 percent of the
people raise their hands, even though our audiences are always predominantly
made up of managers and supervisors at every level of a business, an educational
institution, a government agency, or a faith-based organization. The reason most
people don’t raise their hands is they assume that leadership has to do with a
workplace position or title. Many people feel they are not high up enough on the
organizational chart to say that they are leaders.
We always follow up our first question by asking people to think about the
person who has had the most significant impact on their lives, the person who has
played a major role in who they are today as human beings. Then we ask, “How
many of you named a manager or a supervisor you’ve worked for over the years?”
Hardly a hand goes up. Then we ask, “How many of you identified your father,
your mother, a grandmother or grandfather, aunt, uncle, or friend?” Almost every
hand in the room goes up. Why is that? Because in reality, every human being is a
leader in some part of his or her life—because leadership is an influence process.
We believe that anytime you seek to influence the thinking, behavior, or
development of someone in your personal or professional life, you are taking on
the role of a leader.
As a result, the only way to avoid leadership is to isolate yourself from the
outside world.
Leadership can be as intimate as speaking words of guidance and
encouragement to a loved one or as formal as passing instructions along extended
lines of communication in an organization. Leadership can be nurturing character
and self-worth in children and promoting greater intimacy and fulfillment in
personal relationships, or it can involve distributing resources in an organization to
reach a specific goal or accomplish a given task.
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Thus, there are two types of leadership: life role leadership and organizational
leadership.
As a spouse, parent, family member, friend, or citizen, you have multiple life
role leadership opportunities every day. What leadership role could be more
important than these? Consider some examples:
• a husband and wife who seek mutual agreement on day-to-day finances
• a mother who teaches her toddler how to eat with a spoon
• a son who provides aging parents with advice and guidance about living
arrangements
• a person who risks alienation when confronting a friend about a moral failure
• a citizen who helps find housing for the homeless
Different from life role leadership, organizational leadership usually comes
with an official position or title that empowers you to serve the perceived needs of
an organization. Again, examples might help:
• a corporate executive who rejects offers of insider information that would
give his company a competitive edge
• a middle school teacher who excites curiosity in her students
• a rehabilitation nurse who patiently handles a stroke victim’s anger
• a pastor who comforts a grieving member of his church
• a high school football coach who focuses more on molding his players’
character than on winning games
A key difference between life role leadership and organizational leadership
involves the permanence of the relationships involved. Life role leaders function in
enduring relationships as parents, spouses, siblings, friends, and citizens; duty and
obligation cannot be easily relinquished or discarded.
Organizational leaders, on the other hand, operate for a season in an
environment of temporary relationships and fairly constant change. People can
come and go very quickly for all sorts of reasons. This lack of stability in
organizations often breeds a degree of reserve and qualified commitment evident in
competitive office politics.
Most of the significant leadership that shapes our lives does not come from
leaders with titles on an organizational chart; it comes from leaders in life role
relationships. It is instructive to note that in the early church, a candidate’s life role
leadership was a prerequisite for assuming organizational leadership. In 1 Timothy
3:1–7 we read this:
Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble
task. Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate,
self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness,
not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage
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his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a
manner worthy of full respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own
family, how can he take care of God’s church?) He must not be a recent convert,
or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. He
must also have a good reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into
disgrace and into the devil’s trap.
One person who exemplified servant leadership in Jesus’ life was His mother,
Mary: “I am the Lord’s servant. . . . May your word to me be fulfilled” (Luke
1:38). She passed on to her Son a legacy of obedience, submission, faith, and
service. Mary epitomized the essence of a servant heart. In her life role as a
mother, she was positioned to have strategic influence on the life and spirit of her
Child. The relationship between mother and Son—between a soul already tested
and found willing and a Soul to be nurtured, between a spiritual teacher and a
Student—was part of God’s plan to prepare Jesus for leadership.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Take a moment to think about the people who have most influenced your
thinking, your behavior, and your life path. As you recall their names and
faces, you will realize that leadership titles and positions of organizational
authority are only part of the leadership landscape—and usually not the
most significant part.
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2
THE GREATEST LEADERSHIP ROLE
MODEL OF ALL TIME
“Even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give
his life as a ransom for many.”
Mark 10:45
The reality is, all of us are leaders. So, as you lead, who is your role model? We
feel the greatest leadership role model of all time is Jesus.
When we tell people this, we get a lot of raised eyebrows. People want to ask
what evidence we have—and we’re glad when they do.
A few years ago at a Lead Like Jesus teleconference broadcast from Atlanta,
Georgia, Ken asked his cohost, the well-known pastor and author John Ortberg,
“Why would you travel all the way across the country from your home church in
Menlo Park, California, to teach people that Jesus is the greatest leadership role
model of all time?”
Ortberg, a gifted storyteller, smiled at the audience and said, “Let’s assume for
a moment that two thousand years ago you were a gambler. I know a number of
you don’t like gambling, but bear with me for a moment. Let me ask you, who
would you have bet your money on to last: the Roman Empire and the Roman
army, or a little Jewish rabbi with twelve inexperienced followers?” Everyone
smiled as John went on to say, “Isn’t it interesting that all these years later we are
still naming kids Matthew, James, Sarah, and Mary, and we call our dogs Nero and
Caesar? I rest my case.”
While John got a big laugh, his point was well taken. Clearly, Jesus’ leadership
was effective: His church exists today; the Roman Empire doesn’t. Put differently,
the important thing about leadership is not what happens when the leader is
present, but what happens when the leader is not there. As a parent, it’s not too
difficult to get your children to do what you want them to do when you’re hovering
over them. But what do they do when you’re not there? A business leader deals
with the same issue. You can’t micromanage your people’s every move, much less
their every thought or idea. So great business leaders today empower their people
to bring their brains to work and make good decisions on their own. When given
this opportunity, those people tend to be fully engaged in their work.
Initial proof that Jesus is the greatest leadership role model of all time came to
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Ken when he was asked to be on Robert Schuller’s Hour of Power after The One
Minute Manager was released in the early 1980s. Ken recalls that when Reverend
Schuller interviewed him, he asked, “Do you know who the greatest One Minute
Manager of all time was?”
Ken gave him a blank stare.
Then Schuller said, “Jesus of Nazareth.”
“Really?” said Ken, never having thought of Jesus as a great leadership role
model.
“Absolutely,” said Reverend Schuller. “After all, He was very clear about
goals. Isn’t that your first secret—One Minute Goal Setting?”
“Yes,” Ken responded.
Schuller then smiled and said, “You and Tom Peters didn’t invent management
by wandering around. Jesus did. He wandered from one village to another. If He
caught someone doing something right, He would praise or heal that person. Isn’t
that your second secret—One Minute Praising?”
“Yes,” said Ken.
“Finally,” said Schuller, “if people stepped out of line, Jesus wasn’t afraid to
redirect their efforts. After all, He threw the money lenders out of the temple. Isn’t
that what your One Minute Reprimand is all about?”
Ken laughed, realizing Schuller had a point.
This reality was reinforced when Ken learned that Bill Hybels, founding pastor
of Willow Creek Community Church, was teaching the leaders on his staff
Situational Leadership®,
1 a concept Ken had first developed in the late 1960s with
Paul Hersey. When Ken asked Bill why he chose Situational Leadership, Bill was
quick to say that Jesus was the greatest situational leader of all time, using
“different strokes for different folks” depending on the situation. When, for
instance, Jesus first took on His disciples as “fishers of men” (Matthew 4:19 ESV)
and sent them out, He provided some specific instructions about where to stay,
what to wear, and what to do. But the disciples grew and matured over time: soon
they weren’t enthusiastic beginners who needed specific direction, and Jesus
changed His style accordingly. At the end of His ministry on earth, Jesus was able
to issue to His disciples this general directive: “Go and make disciples of all
nations” (Matthew 28:19).
As Ken and Phil began to study the Gospels—Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John
—as well as the book of Acts, they became fascinated with how Jesus transformed
twelve ordinary and unlikely people into the first generation of leaders of a
movement that continues to affect the course of world history some two thousand
years later. In fact, Ken and Phil soon realized that every idea and truth about
leadership they had ever taught or written came from the Bible and was evident in
how Jesus led His disciples.
Followers of Jesus have more in Jesus than just a spiritual leader; we have a
practical model of effective leadership for all organizations, for all people, for all
situations.
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PAUSE AND REFLECT
Have you ever thought of Jesus as a great leadership role model? If not,
why not?
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3
JESUS THE SERVANT
“Here is my servant whom I have chosen, the one I love, in whom I
delight; I will put my Spirit on him, and he will proclaim justice to the
nations.”
Matthew 12:18
Having accepted that Jesus is the greatest leadership role model of all time,
consider now some specifics about His leadership approach. The best description
of Jesus’ leadership is found in Matthew 20. John and James’s mother had gone to
Jesus and essentially asked if, in heaven, one of her sons could sit at His left hand
and the other one at His right hand. She obviously thought leadership was all about
the hierarchy. After Jesus told her that her request was not for Him to grant, He
approached the other ten disciples, who were miffed because this mother had asked
for those places of honor before they themselves did!
Jesus called [his disciples] together and said, “You know that the rulers of the
Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them.
Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be
your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—just as the Son
of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom
for many.” (Matthew 20:25–28)
We added the emphasis on Not so with you in that verse. Why? Because Jesus’
call to servant leadership is clear and unequivocal. His words leave no room for
plan B. He placed no restrictions or limitations of time, place, or situation that
would allow us to exempt ourselves from heeding His command. For followers of
Jesus, servant leadership is not an option; servant leadership is a mandate. Our
servant leadership is to be a living statement of who we are in Jesus, an identity
evident in how we treat one another and how we demonstrate the love of Jesus to
the whole world. If this kind of leadership sounds like serious business with
profound implications, it is.
The exciting part of leading like Jesus is that He never sends us into any
situation alone or with a plan that is flawed or sure to fail. Jeremiah 29:11–14 tells
us:
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“I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and
not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me
and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me
when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the
LORD.
Whatever subject He addressed—and in Matthew 20 it is leadership—Jesus
spoke about what is right and effective. We can trust that His Word is an
expression of His unconditional and sacrificial love poured out for our eternal wellbeing. As followers of Jesus, then, we can trust Him and His instructions to us
regardless of our circumstances. We can also freely ask Him to give us wisdom in
all things, including our leadership roles. James 1:2–8 reminds us that Jesus wants
to be intimately involved in all aspects of our lives:
When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your lives my brothers,
don’t resent them as intruders, but welcome them as friends! Realise that they
come to test your faith and to produce in you the quality of endurance. But let
the process go on until that endurance is fully developed, and you will find you
have become men of mature character with the right sort of independence. And
if, in the process, any of you does not know how to meet any particular problem
he has only to ask God—who gives generously to all men without making them
feel foolish or guilty—and he may be quite sure that the necessary wisdom will
be given him. But he must ask in sincere faith without secret doubts as to
whether he really wants God’s help or not. The man who trusts God, but with
inward reservations, is like a wave of the sea, carried forward by the wind one
moment and driven back the next. That sort of man cannot hope to receive
anything from God, and the life of a man of divided loyalty will reveal
instability at every turn. (PHILLIPS)
A friend of ours once had a counselor who kept reminding him, “Your
intelligence has gotten you into this.” You see, in a variety of situations our friend
thought he was smart enough to figure it out on his own, but he wasn’t.
Furthermore, he was trying to gain the approval of various audiences, including
some that had conflicting views of what he ought to be doing and how he ought to
be living his life. As a result he ended up pleasing no one. He had yet to learn that
he had but One as his audience, and that One is God.
In addition to being the only audience that matters, God is also the director of
our lives. God will guide us to do exactly the right thing—if we let Him. Our hope
is that you will let Him direct you, guide you, and teach you to lead.
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4
IS JESUS A RELEVANT ROLE
MODEL FOR US TODAY?
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
Hebrews 13:8
A common barrier to embracing Jesus as a leadership role model is skepticism
about the relevance of His teaching to specific twenty-first-century leadership
situations. In many ways, we are in the same kind of situation that Peter was when
Jesus asked him to take some highly unusual and unorthodox steps as he conducted
his fishing business. Here was the situation as described in Luke 5:1–11:
One day as Jesus was preaching on the shore of the Sea of Galilee, great crowds
pressed in on him to listen to the word of God. He noticed two empty boats at
the water’s edge, for the fishermen had left them and were washing their nets.
Stepping into one of the boats, Jesus asked Simon [Peter], its owner, to push it
out into the water. So he sat in the boat and taught the crowds from there.
When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Now go out where it is
deeper, and let down your nets to catch some fish.”
“Master,” Simon replied, “we worked hard all last night and didn’t catch a
thing. But if you say so, I’ll let the nets down again.” And this time their nets
were so full of fish they began to tear! A shout for help brought their partners in
the other boat, and soon both boats were filled with fish and on the verge of
sinking.
When Simon Peter realized what had happened, he fell to his knees before
Jesus and said, “Oh, Lord, please leave me—I’m too much of a sinner to be
around you.” For he was awestruck by the number of fish they had caught, as
were the others with him. His partners, James and John, the sons of Zebedee,
were also amazed.
Jesus replied to Simon, “Don’t be afraid! From now on you’ll be fishing for
people!” And as soon as they landed, they left everything and followed Jesus.
(NLT)
What do you think was going through Peter’s mind when he replied, “Master,
we have been fishing all night and we haven’t caught a thing”? It sounds as if Peter
might have been thinking something along these lines: I’ve listened to Jesus
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address the crowds and speak with great power and wisdom. I really respect His
knowledge of God’s Word and His skill as a teacher. But now He has asked me to
do something that goes totally against my own knowledge and instincts about how
to run my fishing business. Jesus doesn’t know fishing; I know fish and fishing.
That’s my business, and what Jesus asks is not practical. Besides, doing what He
says will probably be a waste of time and energy—and my workers are going to
wonder if I have lost my mind!
However, Peter’s skepticism did not prevent him from taking the step of faith
—the step of obedience—because the instructions had come from Jesus. Because
Peter exercised his faith in this way, he experienced miraculous results, but he was
overwhelmed by the gap he perceived between himself and what Jesus would
require of him.
Jesus sought to calm Peter’s doubts and fears, and then He invited Peter to
come and be transformed for a higher purpose. And Jesus is issuing the same call
to us. Jesus knows fish, and He also knows your business, whether it is in the
service of an organization or in a life role.
So consider applying the same criteria to Jesus’ knowledge, experience, and
success that you would to the hiring of a business consultant. Take a few minutes
to think about Jesus’ earthly ministry. Would you hire Jesus as your leadership
consultant for your life role leadership or organizational leadership positions?
Reflect on the following leadership challenges you might be facing and then ask
yourself, “Does Jesus have any practical knowledge or relevant experience dealing
with leadership issues like these that I face every day?”
• working or living with and caring for imperfect people
• training, developing, and delegating
• being under constant scrutiny by competitors
• continually having your commitment and integrity tested
• handling opposition, criticism, and rejection
• facing conflicting demands from friends and foes
• being tempted by instant gratification, recognition, and misuse of power
• facing serious personnel issues, including turnover and betrayal
• communicating effectively in a multicultural environment
• challenging the status quo and established hierarchy to bring about change
• trying to communicate a radically new vision of the future
• calling attention to poor leadership, even at great personal risk
• putting career or relationships on the line to serve a higher purpose
Chances are, you answered yes about every situation. Why? Because Jesus
absolutely did face every situation you face. The book of Hebrews says this of
Jesus:
Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who
are being tempted. . . . We do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize
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with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just
as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with
confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time
of need. (2:18; 4:15–16)
In addition to His leadership experience, Jesus knew from years of personal
experience the challenges of daily life and work. Although Jesus was God, He was
not ashamed to do a man’s work. He spent the first thirty years of His life on earth
as a working man: He was a carpenter in Nazareth. Jesus knows the difficulty of
making ends meet. He knows the frustration of ill-mannered clients who won’t pay
their bills. He knows the pressure of meeting deadlines and pleasing customers. He
knows the challenges of living in an ordinary home and being part of a big family.
He knows the problems that beset us in the everyday world.
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Now think about how Jesus would do your job differently than the way you are
doing it. As the following scriptures suggest, Jesus wants to do His work in you
and through you.
• “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you
will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5).
• “In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your
good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:16).
• “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the
Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Colossians 3:17).
PAUSE AND REFLECT
If you are skeptical about adopting Jesus as your leadership role model,
write down your reasons. What about Jesus is causing you to doubt
leading as He leads? And what about you is causing you to hold back?
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5
A TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY
THAT BEGINS ON THE INSIDE
“Live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit
in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.”
Colossians 1:10
So you have recognized the ways you are a leader: leadership happens anytime we
influence the thinking, behavior, or development of another person. And, aware of
Jesus’ rich life experience in general and His expert leadership experience in
particular, you are willing to follow Him as your leadership role model. The early
disciples needed to make that same decision when Jesus extended to them this
invitation: “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men” (Matthew 4:19 ESV).
Jesus’ simple statement here clearly communicated right at the start that following
Him would mean becoming a different person. As they followed Jesus, He would
transform them: Jesus would nurture, grow, and refine them. In other words,
leading like Jesus is a transformational journey. This transformational journey
begins with the willingness to do whatever Jesus commands, with a heart
surrendered to doing His will, and with the commitment to lead the way He leads.
Transformation happens—for good or bad, to one degree or another—as we
interact with people. Your sovereign God will of course oversee that
transformation for your good and His glory, and people you lead will be tools He
uses in that transformational process. So let’s look at who we are leading. As the
diagram below illustrates, examining yourself is the first step: this exercise is at the
core of leading like Jesus in all of your spheres of influence. You can’t lead like
Jesus until you accept the fact that only Jesus can lead you. Jesus attested to this
truth when He said in John 5:19: “Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by
himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father
does the Son also does.” Think about it: we hear this principle of starting with self
every time we hear a safety demonstration on an airplane. The flight attendant tells
us to put on our own oxygen masks before we place a mask on someone else. This
principle applies in leadership too. Let’s look carefully at our spheres of influence.
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SELF
We believe that leaders who desire to lead like Jesus must first examine themselves
by answering these two questions:
1. Whose am I?
2. Who am I?
Your answer to Whose am I? defines the ultimate authority and primary
audience for your life. Your ultimate authority and most important audience is the
one you trust and look to above all else. Your decision about whose you are
changes everything. If you choose to follow Jesus, you are no longer your own.
You are not living to please yourself or other people. Instead, Jesus is the only
authority and only audience for every life decision you make.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Jesus is the perfect example of living for God and for Him alone. After
Jesus was baptized but before He began His season of leadership on earth,
He was led into the wilderness to be tempted by Satan. There, the evil one
tempted Jesus to turn from God’s will and instead give in to selfgratification (turning stones into bread), public recognition (jumping off
the temple), and the misuse of His power (ruling over all the kingdoms of
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the world). Each time, Jesus stood strong: He demonstrated submission to
His Father and complete commitment to His Father’s way. Jesus knew
whose He was: “Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his
power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God” (John
13:3). Jesus came from love and knew He would return to love, so He was
secure in whose He was.
Knowing whose you are can help you stand strong in your ministry
and is foundational to leading like Jesus. Knowing you belong to God
gives you the incredible freedom of completely trusting your life to Him.
Will you trust God with your life?
The answer to Who am I?—the second question that prompts healthy selfexamination—defines your identity and life purpose. We are told in Ephesians 2:10
that we are “God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works.” You
were born with a God-given purpose and plan for your life, and you were created
perfectly to fulfill that purpose. Your core identity is rooted in the forgiving,
saving, and redeeming work Jesus did on your behalf when He hung on the cross.
In 2 Corinthians 5:21, we learn that “God made [Jesus] who had no sin to be sin for
us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” Scripture is full of
descriptors of your identity: “dearly loved” (Colossians 3:12), forgiven (Romans
4:7), chosen (John 15:19), “a royal priesthood” (1 Peter 2:9), the apple of God’s
eye (Psalm 17:8), “the light of the world” (Matthew 5:14), heirs with Jesus
(Romans 8:17), friends (John 15:14), and many more. Jesus clearly showed His
commitment to His life purpose in Luke 19:10 when He said, “The Son of Man
came to seek and to save the lost.”
PAUSE AND REFLECT
In what ways would your leadership be different if you truly believed that
you are the person God says you are?
Choosing God as your ultimate authority and audience as well as choosing to
believe your identity as described in Scripture results in a transformation of your
perspective. Your answers to Whose am I? and Who am I? will change how you
see everything, and you will lead others from that new point of view.
LEADING ANOTHER
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After leaving the wilderness—after standing on God’s Word and resisting Satan’s
temptations—Jesus called into service those He would lead for the next three
years, and He poured His life into training His disciples. Your first test of leading
like Jesus will be leading another person. This person may be someone you work
with every day, or it may be your child. The desired outcome is a relationship built
on trust. Remember in Matthew 14 when Peter jumped out of the boat and began
walking on water to join Jesus?
But when [Peter] saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began
to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted.
Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,”
Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?” (vv. 30–31 NLT)
Jesus spent three years building a culture of trust with His disciples, including
Peter. So when this bold and impulsive follower started to drown, he called out to
Jesus for help.
In our life role relationships, trust is the stream by which vulnerability, caring,
commitment, and grace flow between parents and children, husbands and wives,
brothers and sisters, friends and fellow citizens. Trust is extended first by loving
hearts committed to serve and support one another, and trust grows with promises
kept, encouragement and appreciation expressed, support and acceptance offered,
repentance and apologies received, and reconciliation and restoration established.
Yet the stream of trust has a fragile ecological balance: once it is polluted, it will
take time and effort to restore it.
The always present power to restore intimacy and broken trust is love. Without
love we are nothing and we gain nothing. Read the following words from the
apostle Paul, and ponder the cleansing and healing properties of love:
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a
resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can
fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move
mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor
and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain
nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not
proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the
truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1
Corinthians 13:1–7)
PAUSE AND REFLECT
• List three ways you nurture trust as you lead.
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• List two things you do that put at risk people’s trust in your leadership.
• Think of a time when you lost trust in someone who was leading you.
How did you feel? How long did you feel that way? When did you
forgive the person—and why?
LEADING OTHERS
The ability to develop and sustain the trust of the people you lead produces
community. Jesus modeled this perfectly in John 13:13–14:
“You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now
that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one
another’s feet.”
Jesus created a community by empowering His followers to serve and then
trusting them to do exactly that. Effective leaders realize they are to be good
stewards of the energy and efforts of those they lead; they honor the power of
diversity and acknowledge the power of teamwork. As the saying goes, “None of
us is as smart as all of us.” Jesus sent out His disciples to minister in teams of two
(Mark 6:7). In doing so, Jesus empowered them to act on His behalf in support of
one another as they accomplished the work He had trained them to do.
Without trust, these relationships cannot be developed, and community will
never happen. Individuals in a group will not empower one another to accomplish
an assigned task if they do not trust each other. A leader’s failure to empower
others is one of the key reasons some teams are ineffective.
Family leadership can be really challenging, especially when the leader’s
efforts and aspirations to serve the best interests of others directly conflict with the
leader’s own priorities and immediate demands. For example, a father could be
running late for work but must stop to make the most of a teachable moment when
he hears his daughter ridicule her little brother. The most rewarding results of
family leadership are apt to be the subtle fashioning of loving relationships and the
slow development of personal character.
Finally, to be good stewards of the efforts of those committed to work with
them, effective leaders must honor the power of diversity and acknowledge the
power of teamwork.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
How do you think the people you lead at work and at home would
describe your leadership in the following situations?
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• a time of crisis
• a time of failure
• a time of victory
• a time of plenty
• a time of want
Do you think you would like what you would hear? What weaknesses
do you think might be identified—and what might you do to strengthen
those traits?
LEADING AN ORGANIZATION
The quality of a leader’s influence on a broader organizational level depends on the
transformed perspective, trust, and community attained in the leader’s first three
spheres of influence (self, one person, a small group). Leading like Jesus in an
organization creates a new culture that affects all relationships and every result.
When people know the leader cares about them and wants to help them grow, a
new culture of trust and community develops, resulting in both high performance
and great human satisfaction.
By valuing both relationships and results, Jesus created a culture for an
effective organization. In His own life, He aligned Himself with the purpose His
Father had for Him. Then, in the Great Commandment and the Great Commission,
Jesus clearly identified the purpose He had for His followers and their
organizations. He equipped His disciples for their work in the first three spheres of
influence, and then He sent His Holy Spirit to guide them at the organizational
leadership level, a process we see in the book of Acts.
When Jesus called the disciples, He said: “Follow me, and I will make you
fishers of men” (Matthew 4:19 ESV). And at the end of His ministry, He said, “All
authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make
disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son
and of the Holy Spirit” (Matthew 28:18–19).
Jesus passed the baton to us. Wherever we live or work, whether we are
influencing at home, at church, or in an organization, our paramount task as leaders
is to create a culture that reflects Jesus’ core value: love. This kind of love
shepherds people and organizations from where they are to where God would have
them go—and that process usually is not easy!
Leading like Jesus requires leaders to be shepherds and servants, who value
each person as an integral part of the organization. These leaders adopt as their
core values the principles and practices of Jesus and incorporate those in the
organization’s training, policies, and systems. When a challenge comes, leaders
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examine their self-leadership before investigating possible organizational
weaknesses.
Joni and Friends, a Christian ministry for people with disabilities and their
families, is a perfect example of an organization whose culture has been changed
by people who lead like Jesus. Company leaders had no idea what kind of longterm impact this way of leading would have on the organization. What started out
as the leadership team’s onetime opportunity to learn to lead like Jesus has become
an ongoing approach to business that now involves all levels of the organization.
Today, Joni and Friends incorporates the concepts of leading like Jesus into every
aspect of its operations, including the interview process, new employee training
and orientation, and even its conflict resolution policy.
“Leading like Jesus is the cornerstone of our culture,” explains Doug Mazza,
president and COO of Joni and Friends. “It affects everything we do.”
The impact of Lead Like Jesus transformed the organization’s culture. “New
employees come on board at Joni and Friends, and they are stunned,” explains Joni
Eareckson Tada, founder and CEO. “They’re amazed that we offer Jesus-centered
leadership training. It’s so unique for any place of business. In every situation, we
want our employees to Exalt God Only, and I think leading like Jesus has really
helped us infuse that in our culture.”
A word of warning: we often think outside the home when we think of an
organization. Frankly, no organization is as important as your home. Our life role
relationships are based on loyalty and commitment for a lifetime. We can fall into
the trap of relying too much on both the resilience of these relationships and our
ability to regain lost ground, lost intimacy, and lost love. Life role relationships
require daily renewal and nurture; we never know when or how they will end.
People in a culture that leads like Jesus will keep their “I love you’s” up to date.
Now that we have introduced how to lead in your spheres of influence, let’s
proceed to the second aspect of leading like Jesus, which provides the framework
for the rest of this book: to learn about the four domains of leadership and live out
what we learn.
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6
THE FOUR DOMAINS OF LEADING
LIKE JESUS
My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that
they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they
may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the
treasures of wisdom and knowledge.
Colossians 2:2–3
The first aspect of leading like Jesus is understanding that such leadership is a
transformational journey. The second aspect of leading like Jesus involves aligning
our hearts, heads, hands, and habits. When these four leadership domains are
aligned, our perspective is changed, we gain people’s trust, communities develop,
and the organization’s culture is transformed. When these areas are out of
alignment, our work is unfocused, relationships are broken, communities dissolve,
and the organization’s culture is unhealthy and unproductive. The books of
Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, and Acts all offer rich examples of how Jesus
functioned in each of these four domains with all of them in alignment.
HEART
Leadership is first a spiritual matter of the heart. Whenever you have an
opportunity to influence other people’s thinking and behavior, you first need to
decide whether to act out of self-interest or to benefit those you are leading. Simply
put, the heart question is this: Are you a serving leader or a self-serving leader?
Whether He was teaching with words (calling His disciples to serve in Matthew
20:25–28) or with actions (washing the disciples’ feet in John 13:3–5), Jesus
clearly and consistently modeled leadership as service. Identifying the subtleties of
our hearts and the veils of justification we place over self-serving motives requires
brutal honesty. As John Ortberg wrote in The Life You’ve Always Wanted, “The
capacity of the human for duplicity is staggering.”
1
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HEAD
The journey to leading like Jesus starts in the heart as you consider your
motivation. This intent then travels to the internal domain of the head, where you
examine your beliefs and theories about leading and motivating people. All great
leaders have a specific leadership philosophy that defines how they see not only
their roles but also their relationships to those they seek to influence. Throughout
His season of earthly leadership, Jesus taught and emphasized His point of view.
As Jesus said in Mark 10:45, “The Son of Man came not to be served but to serve
others and to give his life as a ransom for many” (NLT).
HANDS
You show what is in your heart and head in what you do with your hands: your
motivations and beliefs about leadership affect your actions. If you have a serving
heart, you will help others reach their greatest potential by establishing clear goals,
observing their performance, and following up by praising progress and redirecting
any inappropriate behavior.
Jesus poured Himself into His disciples for three years so that when He left His
earthly ministry and returned to heaven, they would be fully able to carry out His
vision. The principles of establishing clear goals and measuring performance are
common concepts for all types of organizations—and are just as relevant and
effective in life role leadership relationships. In a family, these principles apply to
everything from establishing values and defining guidelines for behavior to
describing for a preoccupied teenager what a clean room looks like.
HABITS
Your habits are those activities you do in order to stay on track with God and
others. Jesus modeled two types of habits for us: Being Habits and Doing Habits.
As a leader committed to leading like Jesus, you must make time to replenish your
energy and refocus your perspective. Jesus did this through His five Being Habits:
solitude, prayer, study of God’s Word, the application of Scripture to real life, and
supportive relationships—all of which are rooted in and fueled by accepting and
abiding in God’s love. Jesus expressed obedience to His Father and shared the
Father’s love for His disciples through His Doing Habits of grace, forgiveness,
encouragement, and community.
Since the Being Habits reinforce the good intentions and character of your
heart, they will come after the section titled “The Heart of a Great Leader” in this
book. Since the Doing Habits reinforce the hands aspect of leading like Jesus, they
will be described following the section titled “The Hands of a Great Leader.” As
leaders desiring to lead like Jesus, we are encouraged to engage in both the Being
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Habits and the Doing Habits.
ARE YOU WILLING TO LEAD LIKE
JESUS?
If you understand that leading like Jesus is a transformational journey and if you
learn to lead like Jesus in your heart, head, hands, and habits, your leadership will
be radically transformed and its impact magnified. We confidently make this claim
not because of any brilliance on our part, but because of the One who is at the
center of this effort: Jesus.
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PART II
THE HEART OF A GREAT LEADER
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Proverbs 4:23
Most leadership books and seminars focus on the leader’s behavior, style, and
methods. They attempt to change leaders from the outside. Yet, as we have taught
people to lead like Jesus, we have found that leadership improves when there is
first a change on the inside: leadership is primarily a heart issue. We believe that if
we don’t get our hearts right, we simply won’t ever lead like Jesus.
What does your heart have to do with leadership? Everything! In the heart is
your why. Within your heart lies the reason you do what you do; your heart is
home to your intention and motivation. It is the core of who you are.
Romans 10:10 helps us understand: “It is with your heart that you believe and
are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.” It
is therefore in your heart that your beliefs about Jesus are stored, and your belief
that He is God’s Son and your Savior changes everything. As a favorite statement
by A. W. Tozer reminds us, “What you believe about God is the most important
thing about you.”
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What we believe about God affects how we deal with life and its challenges, as
illustrated in a phone call Phyllis received at the Lead Like Jesus home office. The
caller, named Debbie, explained that she worked as a bookkeeper at her church.
The night before, she and her husband had been invited to dinner at the home of
her boss and his wife.
Debbie said that at one point during dinner, her boss had said, “We’re hiring a
new church administrator, and he will be doing your job.”
Debbie said to Phyllis, “I’m so angry! I’ve seen other people treated this way at
my church. It isn’t right, and it isn’t fair.” She was devastated and furious. She
wanted to lash out and give the elders a piece of her mind. Then she asked Phyllis
to pray with her.
Phyllis said, “Before we pray, Debbie, may I ask you some questions?”
“Sure,” said Debbie.
“Is God good?”
“Yes.”
“Do you believe He has a plan and purpose for your life?”
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“I did believe that.”
“Do you believe anyone or anything can change God’s plan for you?”
“No.”
“Does God love you?”
“Yes.”
“Do you believe God will use everything in our lives—that He will use even
this—for His glory and our good just as He promised? Do you believe you can
trust Him with all the details of your life?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Let’s pray.”
Have you, like Debbie, faced a challenge so big that you had to go back to the
core of what you believe about God? Those beliefs are stored in your heart, and
they shape you and every relationship in your life.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
As you reflect on Debbie’s story, how would you answer her questions
today?
• Is God good?
• Do you believe He has a good plan and purpose for your life?
• Do you believe anyone or anything can change God’s plan for you?
• Do you believe God loves you?
• Do you believe God will use everything in your life for His glory and
your good just as He promised?
• Can you trust Him with all the details of your life?
As Scripture confirms, the beliefs in your heart set in motion your why. In
Scripture we learn that the heart is so important in our leadership because love is
stored in the heart (1 Peter 1:22). We also forgive one another from the heart
(Matthew 18:35); words are banked in our hearts (Luke 6:45); Scripture is stored in
our hearts (Psalm 119:11); and it is with the heart that we seek and find God
(Jeremiah 29:13). The heart includes the will, determination, and soul. It is the seat
of all desires; it is the essence of who we are. No wonder we are told to guard our
hearts above all else (Proverbs 4:23).
When leaders want to change, they usually focus on their behavior—but
behavior can’t change until the heart changes. Think about your last resolution to
diet or exercise. You focused on your behavior: This time I’m gonna do it! But
nothing changed until you focused on why you wanted to make this change.
Whatever the specific situation, remembering what motivates you can result in a
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change of behavior.
A changed heart means a changed leader. Consider this real-life example. Steve
Cartin is both a dental practice consultant and a pastor. Initially, he came to Lead
Like Jesus for help with his small church in rural South Carolina, but God had
more planned for him. As Steve put it, “Learning to lead like Jesus started
changing my ministry; then it changed my business; then it changed my
relationship with my wife and my relationships with my adult children. By
changing me, leading like Jesus changed everything I touch.”
The truth is, leading like Jesus begins with the heart.
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7
WHAT DOES LEADING LIKE JESUS
LOOK LIKE?
Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all
your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest
commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
”
Matthew 22:37–39
What does leading like Jesus look like? In a word, love—but not the soft and easy
kind of love that allows those you lead to do whatever they want, neglects strategic
thinking, and fails to focus on results. Of course not! That kind of leadership would
be easy, but hardly effective. In contrast, leading like Jesus—leading with love—is
very difficult. It requires that you love those you influence so much that you help
them move from who they are to who God wants them to be, and that process can
be painful. Not often seen in the media, the love we are talking about becomes the
core value of your life. It influences everything you say and do as a leader and
enables you to stand up when everything else falls down around you.
The greatest description of what love looks like is found in 1 Corinthians 13:4–
7, which we shared earlier. This beautiful passage describes God’s love and
reminds us of what love does and does not do. As leaders who desire to lead like
Jesus, we—like Jesus—need the core value of love to be the why, how, and what
of all we do.
As a Jesus-like leader, you acknowledge as you lead that God created every
person, that He loves them as much as He loves you, and that He has great plans
for their lives. As a leader, you need to pour yourself into your relationships with
other people just as Jesus did with the disciples. Jesus loved them, served them,
and thereby helped them develop into the people God called them to be.
LOVE-BASED LEADERSHIP IN ACTION
Leading like Jesus means that relationships and results are intertwined. It means
being committed to both developing others and achieving results in a way that
honors God and reflects your core beliefs about whose you are and who you are.
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We know many business leaders who lead like Jesus in their everyday work lives.
One of the first who comes to mind is James Blanchard (no relation to Ken).
Throughout his career, Jimmy never saw any separation between faith and work or
between being a servant and being a leader. He chose the Bible as his favorite
leadership handbook and Jesus as his role model.
For thirty-four years, Jimmy served as chief executive officer of Synovus, a
financial services company based in Columbus, Georgia. During his tenure, the
company experienced its greatest growth and prosperity. Perhaps even more
significant to this discussion, for several years in a row, Synovus was named by
Fortune magazine as one of the “100 Best Companies to Work For in America.”
Jimmy is a business guy—a great visionary and skilled strategist who never takes
his eyes off the numbers—but he loves people and enjoys helping them grow and
develop.
Jimmy always led by serving. “We run our company this way simply because
it’s right, because every person who works here has great worth and deserves to be
treated so,” he said. “Our company is built on these values. They define who we
are.”
In 2005 US Banker magazine named Jimmy one of America’s “Twenty-Five
Most Influential People in Financial Services.” He has won numerous awards but
believes his greatest award is being married to his wife, Sis, and enjoying their
three children and eight grandchildren. Throughout his career, Jimmy has created
great relationships and enjoyed great results. God has honored Jimmy for leading
and serving from his core value of love.
Jimmy likes to ask people to read 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 and put their names in
place of the word love in the passage. He often suggests with a smile, “If you
notice tightness in your throat in an area, maybe that one needs some work.”
Jimmy’s story is a great example of a business leader living out his faith in
corporate America.
A MOTHER’S SELFLESS LOVE
Our next story is an example of a life role leader, a single mom named Karen, who
showed incredible tenacity in loving a son who was hard to love. She established
boundaries and expectations that were good for him and important for his life, but
even as a little boy, Thom pushed the envelope. As he grew, Thom tried everything
—he ran away, dropped out of school, lived on the street, and used illegal drugs.
During those years, Karen knew that God loved her son more than she did and
that He had a plan for Thom’s life. Karen decided that her responsibility was to be
a faithful, loving, and prayerful mother.
Thom’s behavior continued to spiral downward. One day, after exhausting all
other possibilities for helping her son straighten up, Karen swore out a warrant for
Thom’s arrest for stealing from her home. Karen and Thom lived apart for many
years, but gradually things appeared to improve. Unfortunately, the change did not
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last long, and Thom left his wife and children.
Karen continued to pray for Thom, but she heard from him only sporadically.
She repeated the same prayer many times a day: “Lord, I know You love Thom
even more than I do. I ask that You protect both his physical body and his heart for
You so that someday he might become the man You want him to be. Do whatever
it takes to make this change happen—and give me the strength to endure the wait
and the pain. In the name of Jesus, amen.”
After thirty years, God answered Karen’s prayers. Today Thom is the man God
intended him to be: he is a devoted husband to his faithful wife and a loving dad to
his two daughters.
Leading like Jesus is not just saying, “I will pray for you” or “God will be with
you.” Leading like Jesus is loving your spouse, your child, or your friend even
when that love requires you to stand in the gap. Leading and loving like Jesus
requires a vulnerability and an authenticity that close the chasm between saying
and doing. It requires holding loved ones accountable while at the same time
extending grace and forgiveness.
The rewards of love-based leadership are long-lasting relationships and
incredible transformations that bring glory to the One you follow. This kind of
leadership requires a model who transforms you as well as those you influence. His
name is Jesus.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
The relationships and settings in these stories reflect the core of leading
like Jesus: leading with love. In which of your relationships is leading and
loving like Jesus a challenge? Continue to think about those relationships
as you read this book and consider how to apply what you learn.
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8
I WANT TO LEAD LIKE JESUS, BUT
MY HEART DOES NOT
I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me
that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is
still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from
this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in
Jesus Christ our Lord.
Romans 7:22–25 NLT
You are a leader who truly wants to lead like Jesus, the greatest leadership role
model of all time—but you don’t. Why?
Paul had the same problem. He articulated his frustration perfectly in Romans
7:15: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do.” Does this
sound familiar to you?
What is in the heart determines why we do what we do; our hearts are the
source of our motivations. What motivates you to lead others? Is your leadership
about you? We continue to see that the most persistent barrier to leading like Jesus
is a heart motivated by self-interest.
We come into the world focused on ourselves—and some of us never outgrow
it. A heart motivated by self-interest looks at life as a “give a little, take a lot”
proposition. People with hearts motivated by self-interest put their own agendas,
safety, statuses, and gratifications ahead of others’. Cutting people off on the
freeway or in the church parking lot, punishing those who disagree with you or
challenge your position, and exploiting the weaknesses and fears of others in order
to get what you want are actions that come from a heart motivated by self-interest.
YOUR HEART’S EGO—EDGING GOD OUT
The greatest barrier to leading like Jesus is Edging God Out of our lives (EGO).
We believe you can Edge God Out in three ways: you can replace Him as the
object of your worship; as the source of your security, self-worth, and wisdom; and
as the audience for and authority over your daily work and life story.
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Putting Something in God’s Place
You Edge God Out as the object of your worship by putting other things in His
place. Whenever anything becomes more important to you than God, that idol
becomes your answer to the question, Whose am I? You are worshiping something
or someone other than God. You may choose to worship an object (money, a
house, a car, a business), a person (a spouse or a child), or a desire for power,
recognition, or appreciation. A habit that becomes an addiction—exercising,
watching sports, eating, sleeping, surfing the Internet—can also Edge God Out and
be an idol. You can also find yourself caring most about yourself, your own sense
of significance. In Revelation 2:1–7, Jesus called the church at Ephesus to task
with the complaint that despite their good deeds and perseverance, they had
“forsaken the love [they] had at first” (v. 4). They were no longer passionate about
the God they had once worshiped wholeheartedly. Whatever you are worshiping
other than God is not worth Edging God Out of your life.
Trusting in Something Other Than God
Another way to Edge God Out is to trust in something other than the character
and unconditional love of God as your source of security and self-worth. When you
put your sense of security and self-worth in your intellect, your position, your
performance, your possessions, or your business and personal contacts, you’re
counting on things that are temporary and fallible. Instead, place your trust in that
which is sure and eternal: God’s care for you and the wisdom He provides you.
In his book The Search for Significance, Robert S. McGee said, “If Satan had a
formula for self-worth it would be: Self-worth equals our performance plus the
opinion of others.”
1 Yet our performance is not great all the time, and people are
fickle; you can’t count on their approval. When we seek to build a secure sense of
self-worth on the shifting sands of personal performance and the ever-changing
opinions of other people, we end up being tossed about in a sea of self-doubt and
anxiety. We don’t have any security at all.
Valuing Others as the Primary Audience for
and Sole Authority over Our Lives
A third way to Edge God Out is to put others in His place as the primary
audience for and authority over your daily work and your life story. To whom are
you playing from the stage of your life? God wrote your story before the
foundation of the world, and you have the privilege of His guidance through all of
your life if you let Him be your audience and authority.
One of our favorite old stories beautifully illustrates who our audience should
be if we are followers of Jesus. A famous opera singer was invited to give a
command performance in a grand theater in front of a large audience. He rehearsed
for months. When the night arrived, every seat was filled with fans and admirers.
As the singer finished his performance, he was greeted with a standing ovation and
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made several curtain calls. When he finally came off the stage, his manager
embraced and congratulated him. But instead of acknowledging the praise, the
singer told his manager that he had failed.
In disbelief, the manager asked, “How can you say that? You received a
standing ovation and three curtain calls!”
The singer said, “But a person in the front row wasn’t standing or applauding.”
“Why do you care about one person’s opinion when everyone else loved your
performance?” asked the manager.
The singer replied, “The person who wasn’t applauding was my teacher.”
The singer had wanted to please his teacher above all others. That’s how we
need to feel about pleasing God.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Whose praise and affirmation do you seek? Why?
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9
THE RESULTS OF A HEART OUT OF
ORDER
“A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart,
and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart.”
Matthew 12:35 NLT
EGO PROBLEMS: PRIDE AND FEAR
Edging God Out as the One you worship, as your source of security, self-worth,
and wisdom, and as your primary audience results in two EGO problems: pride and
fear. When false pride and toxic fear enter a relationship, they poison it. When they
become the driving force in your leadership decisions, they render you ineffective.
When leaders are filled with pride or fear, they react to things that happen to
them. They spend little time considering what is in the best interest of others or
their relationships. They shoot from the hip and sometimes end up shooting
themselves in the foot. Pride-filled or fear-filled people are quick to judge, quick to
take offense, quick to speak, quick to blame, and quick to accept praise.
People who want to lead like Jesus, on the other hand, respond to things that
happen to them. Before taking action, they choose to step back from the emotion of
the moment, even for just a second or two, and, desiring to love and serve, run
some value checks on the situation. People who lead like Jesus are quick to listen,
slow to judge, slow to become angry, and quick to let someone else receive the
praise.
Pride
Pride promotes self. It is more . . . than thinking. Anytime you find yourself
thinking you are more educated than . . ., better trained than . . . , or superior to . . .
in any way, the seed of pride has become lodged in your heart. It can take root,
grow, and fully bloom if you allow it. As Paul put it in Romans 12:3, pride is
“[thinking] of yourself more highly than you ought,” and that is not at all like
Jesus.
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Here are some of the ways you can tell that pride is at its destructive work. See
if any of them seem familiar:
• When you are engaged in a discussion, you resist acknowledging that the
other person’s idea is actually better than your own.
• You do all the talking, take too much credit, demand all the attention, boast,
show off, or, because of your position, demand special treatment and expect
better service.
• You judge the value of an idea based on who said it rather than the quality of
the thought.
• You treat people as too far below you in position or credentials by choosing
not to seek their input on issues that affect them.
• Your compensation becomes more important as a mark of success than the
ethical and relational price you pay to attain it.
The Bible has much to say on the subject of pride. Proverbs 13:10 tells us,
“Where there is strife, there is pride.” Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride goes before
destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” And Proverbs 16:5 declares, “The LORD
detests all the proud of heart. Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished.”
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Identify the last time pride got in the way of your leadership. What action
or statement triggered your pride? How did you feel? How did the people
around you react to your prideful actions or words? What was the result
of your prideful behavior? Invite God to guide your thinking about the
situation—and then follow His lead.
Some people reading about pride will say, “Oh, that’s not me. I don’t have any
false pride. I know that everything I am and everything I have comes from God and
is on loan to me.” Understanding that is great. But often there is a subtler way in
which we Edge God Out—fear. Most people don’t normally recognize fear as a
way to Edge God Out, but fear is at the root of many seemingly prideful behaviors.
Fear
The capacity to experience fear is a gift from God. When heeded, fear protects
us. Yet what we actually do with fear when we experience it can prevent us from
enjoying the good it can bring. So instead of enhancing life, fear has poisoned
human relationships ever since man first stepped outside of God’s will. Consider
the consequences of Adam and Eve’s eating the forbidden fruit: they immediately
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became self-conscious, covered their nakedness, and hid from God in fear. Human
beings have been hiding ever since, because we fear that our weaknesses and bad
behavior will be found out. The irony is, God already sees those weaknesses and
knows all about our bad behavior.
Still, every day we face the risk of contracting toxic fear—that dark force that
can color our relationships and permeate our souls. Toxic fear is a complete antiGod state of mind. It is a good thing turned bad.
In both the Old and New Testaments, the fear of God and the fear of man are
held up as the extremes of good and evil. We are called to hold God in life-giving,
reverent awe as the ultimate source of our security and judge of our worth. At the
end of Ecclesiastes, King Solomon made this definitive statement: “Fear God and
keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind” (12:13).
This fear or awe of the holy God is appropriate and even necessary in our faith
—and very different from the toxic fear of man. To avoid that toxic fear, we first
have to understand its root cause: our addictive dependence on things and others
for our security and self-worth.
A good definition of addiction is “an ever-increasing desire for something that
has an ever-decreasing ability to satisfy.”
1 Addictions start as voluntary attempts or
choices to experience something desirable, but they end up as compulsions that
continually grow stronger and can eventually become completely out of control.
When we seek refuge from pain and loss of self-esteem in things like our
possessions and our positions, we are vulnerable to having anxiety and fear be key
drivers of our thoughts and behaviors.
When something we are addicted to is at risk, toxic fear can poison our daily
decisions and relationships in a variety of ways. Here are some examples:
• Rob is a workaholic who is afraid to slow down and look at the condition of
his life. He feels trapped when his wife or kids ask for help or when he is
forced into a period of inactivity due to illness. He keeps up a schedule of late
hours and early mornings to avoid the gnawing feeling of emptiness.
• Janet is a control freak who is afraid of failure, so she chooses personal
exhaustion rather than training people and delegating tasks. By
micromanaging and keeping other people dependent on her for information,
she seeks to protect herself from becoming obsolete or losing her source of
power.
• Craig is a fitness addict who goes into an emotional and relational tailspin at
the first sign of his own illness or aging—or the illness or aging of someone
he identifies with.
• Cynthia is an approval addict who fears rejection and broods over a 2 percent
negative rating on a feedback form or an overheard bit of unfavorable gossip.
• Tracy is a sixteen-year-old relationship junkie who will do bad things with
bad people rather than face being alone.
Each of these examples of toxic fear is a variation on a central theme: looking
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for approval from everything and everyone except God.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Think of a time when the fear of rejection or failure prevented you from
doing or saying something that might have helped someone else avoid an
impending mistake. What excuse did you tell yourself to justify letting
your fear control your inaction? Was yielding to your fear worth the
consequences?
THE RESULTS OF PRIDE AND FEAR
It is interesting to see how false pride, fear, and self-doubt play out in
organizational leaders. When leaders are addicted to any of these EGO afflictions,
their effectiveness drops dramatically.
Leaders dominated by false pride are often called controllers. Even when they
don’t know what they are doing, they have a high need for power and control.
They keep insisting they are right, even when it’s clear to everyone that they are
wrong. They don’t want someone else to look capable for fear others might think
that person should be the manager. That is why controlling bosses seldom support
their people. If everyone is upbeat and confident, the controller puts an end to it.
Still, controllers support their bosses more than they support their workplace peers
because they want to climb the hierarchy and be part of the boss’s crowd.
At the other end of the spectrum are the do-nothing bosses, who are often
described as “never around,” “always avoiding conflict,” and “not very helpful.”
Plagued by fear and self-doubt, these leaders often leave their direct reports alone,
even when those people are insecure or don’t know what they are doing. Donothing bosses don’t seem to believe in themselves or trust their own judgment.
They value other people’s thoughts—especially the thoughts of those with more
authority—above their own. As a result, they rarely speak out or support their own
people. Under pressure, the do-nothings defer to whoever has the most power.
If any of this makes you squirm a little, don’t be alarmed. Most of us have
traces of both false pride and self-doubt, because the issue is really the EGO: we
Edge God Out as our primary focus in life.
The three primary results of letting our pride and fear Edge God Out of our
lives are separation, comparison, and distortion of the truth. Let’s look at each of
these results.
Separation
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Pride and fear always separate us from God, from one another, and even from
ourselves. Here are some common examples of the separating power of pride and
fear:
Separation from God
We become . . .
• too ashamed about failure to talk to God
• too arrogant to pray
• too afraid of what the answer might be to ask God a question
• too passionate about our own agendas to wait for God to reveal His agenda
Separation from Other People
We become . . .
• too prideful to say we need help or we don’t understand
• too fearful of rejection to take a stand on an issue
• too fearful to say no when that is the right answer
• too fearful of losing control to share information or power
• too convinced of our own opinions to consider conflicting information
Separation from Ourselves
We become . . .
• too sensitive about other people’s opinions to listen to our own hearts
• too busy fixing others’ problems to look at the mess inside us
• too ready to make excuses for our failures and unhealthy or unwise choices
• too resistant to introspection
• too obsessed with our own schedules to wait for God’s timing
One of the greatest challenges in seeking to lead like Jesus is the intimacy with
Him that this approach requires. The biggest barrier to intimacy is a fear of
vulnerability—the fear of having to admit you don’t know all the answers, that you
may need help, and that your abilities as a leader may be questioned. Here, false
pride is fear in action.
When you lose intimacy with God and you distance yourself from His
unconditional love, you fear intimacy with others. Like the wizard behind the
curtain in Oz, you hide behind intimidating false fronts and place barriers around
yourself rather than risk exposing your inadequacies and needs. The isolation
created by the fear of intimacy leaves leaders vulnerable to being blindsided by
changing times and circumstances.
Fear of intimacy can weaken a relationship or an organization like a virus.
When this fear enters an organization through the heart and actions of a leader, it is
particularly nasty and hard to cure.
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Comparison
In addition to causing separation, pride and fear bring about unhealthy
horizontal comparisons. Instead of measuring success in terms of how well you are
following God’s plan for your life, you constantly look around to see how you
compare with others, usually on a material basis.
Comparing yourself with others and drawing comfort from feeling superior to
others are signs of false pride, insecurity, and fear of inadequacy. Seeking to learn
from others and aspiring to emulate good role models are signs of healthy humility.
Yet EGO issues and the toxic impact of envy, jealousy, or low self-esteem have
been polluting human relationships ever since Cain slew Abel. When leaders foster
competition and rivalries among coworkers as a way of driving performance, both
performance and relationships suffer. “A little friendly competition” rarely stays
little or friendly when the leader makes the rewards for winning too great and the
price of failure too high.
When you seek to determine your level of self-worth and security by
comparing yourself to others, the end result is either complacency or anxiety. In a
larger sense, making comparisons devalues the promises and provisions of God,
who has affirmed your value and guaranteed you security based on His
unconditional love. You are His beloved.
Distortion
The third result of addiction to false pride and fear is distortion of the truth. The
root cause of toxic fear is the lie that we are not safe living God’s way and we are
going to miss out on something good. We believe the lie because of FEAR—False
Evidence Appearing Real. When pride and fear isolate you from everyone else,
including God, your view of reality becomes increasingly misguided, and your
decisions are more prone to error.
One of the key distortions affecting leader effectiveness is an EGO-driven
fixation on short-term results at the expense of long-term integrity. In today’s
business world, faster access to information brings with it a demand for faster
decisions and faster results. Setbacks are less and less tolerated. Annual reports are
ancient history; real-time data streams and analysis make quarterly estimates and
weekly performance metrics obsolete. Expectations and anxiety built on instant
access to data can turn everything into either a crisis or an exhilarating high for an
EGO-addicted leader. Direct reports feel as if they have to be on duty 24/7 and
immediately inform the boss of any progress.
Jesus spoke of the perils of the distorted and false sense of security and selfworth that comes when we Edge God Out. He said, “Do not store up for yourselves
treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in
and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin
do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your
treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:19–21).
EGO-driven distortion is also manifested in an overblown view of your ability
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to control events. When you think and act as if everything depends on you, you’re
setting yourself and your followers up for failure in the long run. The truth is, as
fallible human beings, each of us works within certain limitations. Factors beyond
our control and even beyond our awareness can determine success and failure. That
fact does not diminish the importance and value of your efforts, but it puts them in
perspective, freeing you to extend grace and lead with humility.
This diagram summarizes the concepts of Edging God Out:
EDGING GOD OUT
As the object of my
worship
As the source of my
security, self-worth,
and wisdom
As the audience and
authority over my daily work
and life story
EXPRESSES ITSELF THROUGH:
PRIDE
An overly high opinion of yourself;
exaggerated self-esteem
FEAR
An insecure view of the future, resulting in selfprotection
“Do not think of yourself more highly than
you ought” (Romans 12:3).
“The fear of human opinion disables” (Proverbs 29:25
THE MESSAGE).
PROMOTING SELF
• Doing all the talking
• Taking all the credit
• Boasting and showing off
• Demanding all the attention
PROTECTING SELF
• Intimidating others
• Hiding behind position
• Withholding information
• Discouraging honest feedback
LEADS TO:
SEPARATION
from God, from other
people, and from
yourself
COMPARISON
with others; discontent
DISTORTION
of the truth; false sense of
security
Now that you understand how your heart Edges God Out and often prevents
you from leading like Jesus, we will look at a few of the warning signs of Edging
God Out. Let these signs alert you to stop and examine your heart.
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PAUSE AND REFLECT
When was the last time you Edged God Out? What was the result?
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10
WARNING SIGNS ON THE PATH TO
EDGING GOD OUT
We must pay the most careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard,
so that we do not drift away.
Hebrews 2:1
Warning signs are important: a light on your car’s dashboard; the sound of a siren
behind you when you are driving; distant thunder before a storm hits. Doctors take
your temperature and blood pressure to look for warning signs about the state of
your health. We also must check for signs to alert us that our hearts may be out of
alignment with God.
What are the warning signs that we may be falling into the trap of pride or fear?
And what safeguards can we leaders put in place to prevent this from happening?
WARNING SIGN #1: THE I FACTOR
During a session in which he was receiving counseling, a pastor expressed
excitement about his transition to executive pastor of a multisite church. His wife,
however, had recently pointed out to him that his tone was curt and his patience
was short. She told him his “inner grump” was alive and well. He acknowledged
that this was his typical first line of response to challenging circumstances: he was
afraid that he was not good enough to do everything the new position required.
His counselor had noticed that, as he was initially describing the situation,
almost every sentence he spoke had begun with I. The heaviness in his voice
indicated he felt great pressure to have all the answers and to not disappoint
anyone: “I’ve got to . . .” “I can’t let people down.” “I have to work long hours,
and my family doesn’t understand.” The I factor warning sign was there,
suggesting that this pastor was depending on himself instead of on God.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
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Listen for the I factor in your conversations. Note any words or thoughts
that depict you as less than (fearful) or more than (prideful). Notice
whether you too often direct a conversation back to yourself or you
interrupt someone’s story to tell your own. Are your conversations laced
with I, my, or me? Are you others-focused or self-focused? If the latter,
consider this a warning sign that you may be on the path to Edging God
Out.
A Challenge of Leadership
The following true story tells of an encounter between Abraham Lincoln and
one of his army officers.
During the Civil War, President Lincoln was visited by Colonel Scott, a
commander of the troops guarding the capital. Scott’s wife had drowned in a
steamship collision in Chesapeake Bay. He had appealed to regimental command
for leave to attend her burial and comfort his children, but he was denied. He took
his request to Secretary of War Edwin Stanton, who also refused. In his ultimate
appeal, Scott was the last visitor allowed to see Lincoln in the presidential office
late on a Saturday night.
As Scott recalled, Lincoln listened to his story and exploded. “Am I to have no
rest? Is there no hour or spot when or where I may escape these constant calls?
Why do you follow me here with such business as this? Why do you not go to the
War Office where they have charge of all matters of papers and transportation?”
Scott told Lincoln of Stanton’s refusal. The president replied with equal fervor
that, during this time of war, everyone had burdens to bear. He sided with Stanton
and denied Scott’s request. Lincoln again suggested Scott go to the War
Department and if they didn’t help him, Scott was to bear his burden until the war
was over. Colonel Scott returned to his barrack, brooding.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Reread the last two paragraphs and notice whether Lincoln’s words and
suggestions were self-focused or others-focused.
Early the next morning Colonel Scott heard a rap at the door. It was the
president. He took Scott’s hands and apologized, saying, “I had no right to treat a
man with rudeness who has offered his life to his country, much more a man in
great affliction. I have had a regretful night and now come to beg your
forgiveness.” He had arranged with Stanton for Scott to go to his wife’s funeral.
1
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PAUSE AND REFLECT
We are prone to making poor decisions when we are Hungry, Angry,
Lonely, or Tired. So we need to HALT when any of these factors are
present. In the Lincoln case, consider the following:
• What were the internal and external forces that caused Lincoln to first
respond in a self-serving way? Note which of the HALT factors might
have been present.
• Describe a time when you faced a similar leadership decision. What
was your response? Were you a serving leader or a self-serving leader?
Why?
• What had caused Lincoln to change his mind by the next morning?
WARNING SIGN #2: THE MINE
PERSPECTIVE
Have you ever thought, I would rather do this myself? Sometimes it seems much
easier to do something ourselves than to try to teach someone else to do it. But a
critical role for leaders is preparing others to carry on when their own seasons of
leadership end. Our leadership legacies are not limited to what we accomplish:
they also include what we leave behind in the hearts and minds of the people we
work with and teach.
We don’t leave much good behind if one of our operating principles is summed
up in the word mine. The first word of many children is mine, and sometimes we
don’t outgrow that thinking.
Perhaps you haven’t thought of your leadership position as a season. But if you
reflect on your experience, you probably can see that you have had several seasons
of leadership influence in your family, your career, or your volunteer activities.
Your personal succession planning efforts speak volumes about your motives as a
leader. It is unlikely that anyone involved in the promotion and protection of self—
Edging God Out—is going to spend much time training and developing a potential
successor. One mark of EGO-driven leaders is this failure to groom someone to
take their place. Also limiting the development of those we lead are such behaviors
as hoarding information, refusing to empower coworkers to make decisions, and
failing to recognize people’s contributions.
During His time on earth, Jesus modeled a sacrificial passion for ensuring that
His followers were equipped to carry on the movement He had begun. Jesus lived
in intimate relationship with the very people He wished to empower by His words
and example. In his book Transforming Leadership, author Leighton Ford notes,
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“Long before modern managers, Jesus was busy preparing people for the future.
He wasn’t aiming to pick a crown prince, but to create a successor generation.
When the time came for Him to leave, He did not put in a crash program of
leadership development—the curriculum had been taught for three years in a living
classroom.”
2
Whom are you developing in your living classroom?
WARNING SIGN #3: NEGATIVE
RESPONSE TO FEEDBACK
Do you appreciate feedback? When we ask that question, most people say, “Yes,
but . . .” We hear, “Yes, but not from someone I don’t respect” or “Yes, but only
from certain people.”
Maybe you often receive feedback graciously, but in some situations it may not
be helpful or it may be out of alignment with your purpose and mission. Everyone
likes positive feedback, but you may have a difficult time with negative feedback
—especially if your security and self-worth are based on public image, reputation,
position, competitive performance, possessions, or personal relationships. If you
sense a threat to any of those things you cherish, you may react to criticism in a
fearful, defensive way. You may also wrongly conclude that negative feedback
means people don’t want you to lead anymore. That’s not always the case.
Sometimes the biggest fear is not failure; it is the fear of losing your power and
position. The fear is intensified if you have based your self-worth and security on
your leadership position and power.
With some honest self-evaluation, you may come to realize that you, too, have
an EGO problem. That’s the bad news. The good news is twofold: you are not
alone, and what you are struggling with is a treatable condition. In 1 Corinthians
10:13 we read:
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God
is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when
you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
In his classic book Ordering Your Private World, Gordon MacDonald says
there are two types of people in the world: driven people and called people.
3
Driven people think they own everything. They own their relationships, they
own their possessions, and they own their positions. In fact, they perceive their
identity as the sum of their relationships, possessions, and positions. As a result,
driven people spend most of their time protecting what they own. We see this in a
family when a father or mother demands that everyone cater to his or her wishes
without questioning that person’s authority. Driven people believe “the one who
dies with the most toys wins”—and if you mess with any of their toys, you’re in
trouble. The possessions of driven people become an important expression of who
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they are, and sometimes their possessions end up possessing them.
Called people, on the other hand, believe everything they have is on loan to
them from the Lord. They believe, for instance, that their relationships are on loan
and are to be cherished; they know there is no guarantee they will see those they
love tomorrow. Called people also believe their possessions are on loan and are to
be held lightly, to be enjoyed and shared with an open hand. Finally, called people
believe their positions are on loan from God, as are the people they are leading and
influencing. Rather than protecting what they own, called leaders act as good
stewards of the resources and people who have been loaned to them. They are
therefore prone to see feedback as more of a gift than a threat. Even if feedback is
hurtful or given in a negative way, leaders grounded in God’s unconditional love
will move beyond the negative emotions and seek to find truth that will help them
improve their leadership.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Have these warning signs helped you diagnose a heart problem? The first
step toward wellness is admitting that you are Edging God Out with pride
or fear. Ask yourself these questions:
• When you consider the I factor, do you Edge God Out more because of
fear or pride? Give specific evidence.
• Have you overcome your mine perspective? Be honest and offer
specifics.
• What is your first reaction when somebody criticizes you or disagrees
with your decision? Why? Do you become defensive? If so, why?
• In your positions of leadership, do you have feedback rules? Who can
give you feedback? When can they give you feedback? And do those
you’re leading know these rules?
• What do your answers to these questions show you about your
leadership?
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11
A HEART TURNAROUND
Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny
themselves and take up their cross and follow me.”
Matthew 16:24
Leading like Jesus is not easy. It demands intentionality and commitment as well
as an ongoing relationship with the model you are trying to follow. Frankly, it can
be easy to lose focus due to hectic schedules and great demands on your time. The
temptation to put something else in God’s place—to choose another source of
security, self-worth, or wisdom and another audience and authority for your life—
is constant. A life intentionally lived with a focus on Jesus and a deep commitment
to Him will help you move from Edging God Out to Exalting God Only.
CHOOSE GOD AS THE OBJECT OF YOUR
WORSHIP
We know we should place God above everything else, but we don’t always do so.
Ensuring God is in His right place and you are in yours is always a heart issue.
Adam and Eve thought they knew better than God and became the first people
to Edge God Out. Your beliefs about God are stored in your heart, but shiny things
can pull you away. We can too easily fall into worshiping, for instance, success,
power, money, family, education, reputation, and good works, instead of God.
Only when you really know God will He truly be the object of your worship.
When you know God is good, when you know He loves you with no strings
attached, and when you know that He will never leave you, then you can trust Him
above all others and you will worship Him more freely. When you are in deep
trouble and the only One you can call on is your heavenly Father—the One who
put the stars in place, who loved you first, who created you, and who has a perfect
plan for your life—then you will worship Him more wholeheartedly. We come to
know God through our experiences with Him, and our worship of God increases
and is enriched as we come to know Him better.
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PAUSE AND REFLECT
Think about a time in your life that seemed hopeless. Maybe you
experienced the death of someone you loved, a divorce, a job loss, or
separation from friends or family. We often come to know God in a
deeper way when we experience Him in the hard moments of our lives.
Now think about a time when life was so good that you couldn’t find
words to express your gratitude. Maybe the blessing was the birth of a
child or grandchild, a promotion you worked toward for a long time, or
your child’s marriage to a wonderful, God-honoring person. Knowing
God better also happens as our gratitude at seeing His goodness
overflows.
Finally, when did you experience a time when you tried to find things
and people to fill you up, but your tank stayed empty? Knowing God
better happens when you learn that nothing can truly satisfy you except a
relationship with Jesus.
Scripture reminds us:
His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our
knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these
he has given us his very great and precious promises. (2 Peter 1:3–4)
As Peter proclaimed, God has given us everything we need for living a godly
life, a life of worshiping Him more fully as we come to know Him better. So if we
want to lead like Jesus, we will be intentionally focused on knowing God. This
intimate knowing will prompt us and enable us to worship Him with our lives as
we spend time with our families, at work, or serving at church or in the
community.
CHOOSE GOD AS THE SOURCE OF YOUR
SECURITY, SELF-WORTH, AND WISDOM
Choosing God as the source of all you need changes your perspective, your
purpose, and your goals. Believing that your security and self-worth are not up for
grabs every day and that He will give you wisdom in every moment of your life
brings peace and freedom.
Everyone wants to feel secure in this world of uncertainty. You have a sense of
how your life will unfold; you think you know pretty much what it will look like.
But then something changes—your spouse wants a divorce, you lose your job, or
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you are diagnosed with a life-changing or life-threatening disease—and you have
to reframe your ideas and expectations. You will no longer feel secure unless the
source of your security is God. When you Exalt God Only, you answer the
question Can I trust God? with a definite yes. You have come to know Him
intimately, and you know you can trust Him no matter what the circumstances of
your life. God is the source of your security, and He will never fail you.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Psalm 20:7 says, “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust
in the name of the LORD our God.” Where do you place your trust?
Self-worth is not just feeling good about yourself; it comes from a healthy
sense of your identity and purpose. When you Exalt God Only, you are mindful
that you belong to God. You trust Him with your life, and you trust that you are
who God says you are. You find your purpose and identity in Him: you are
beloved, forgiven, righteous, holy, acceptable, and more. Your purpose is sure
because you trust God to keep the promises made in Scripture. Ephesians 2:10
reads: “We are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we
can do the good things he planned for us long ago” (NLT). When God is the source
of your self-worth, you are no longer imprisoned by the pressure to do more and
try harder. You can actually be a human being, not a human doing, and you can
relax in who God has made you to be. In doing so, you exalt God.
Choosing God to be the source of your wisdom means you are no longer
focused on the world’s view. You have a different perspective and set of priorities.
Scripture says you have the mind of Christ, and you recognize the Bible as the only
playbook for your life. When you Exalt God Only, you are focused on Him: you
lean in to Him in order to hear His wise counsel. You have come to trust God
enough to wait for His answers. You understand that in the waiting, He is growing
you to trust Him more.
Jesus is the supreme example of how to depend on God the Father as your
source for everything—including self-esteem and security. Jesus said:
“The Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father
doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. For the Father loves
the Son and shows him all he does. Yes, and he will show him even greater
works than these, so that you will be amazed. . . . By myself I can do nothing; I
judge only as I hear, and my judgment is just, for I seek not to please myself but
him who sent me.” (John 5:19–20, 30)
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CHOOSE GOD AS THE AUDIENCE FOR
AND AUTHORITY OVER YOUR DAILY
WORK AND LIFE STORY
Choosing God as your audience means that your eyes are on God, not on people.
He is your Audience of One; like you, everyone else is a member of the cast. The
scribes and Pharisees of Jesus’ day didn’t play to the Audience of One, however,
and Jesus was scathing in His judgment of them. He called them hypocrites
because they did their good deeds to be seen by men:
“Everything they do is done for people to see. . . . They love the place of honor
at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; they love to be
greeted with respect in the marketplaces and to be called ‘Rabbi’ by others.”
(Matthew 23:5–7)
When you choose God as the authority for your life, obedience to His Word is
your standard. The first step in living out this choice is to return to Him the love He
has shown us, and that means obeying Him. Jesus put it this way: “Anyone who
loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to
them and make our home with them” (John 14:23). Now, that is a great deal!
Our obedience is born out of our love of God. We Exalt God Only when we
choose to live in His love. That choice is easier when we remember that God has
already chosen us and, through Jesus, made Himself and His love known to us.
Exalting God happens when we understand that Jesus is the gift that becomes our
audience and authority.
RESULTS OF EXALTING GOD ONLY:
HUMILITY AND CONFIDENCE
If God is the object of your worship, the source of your security and self-worth,
and your audience and authority, then humility and God-grounded confidence will
replace false pride and fear. Instead of Edging God Out because we are driven by
pride and fear, our relationships and leadership will be renewed with humility and
God-grounded confidence as we seek to Exalt God Only. The challenge is first to
understand the nature of the journey we must travel and then to commit to taking
the initial steps.
Humility
Leading like Jesus means leading with humility, the first attribute of a heart
that Exalts God Only. Humility requires knowing whose you are and who you are.
You are called to be a good steward of your season of influence, remembering
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there is a plan that was set in motion long before you were born. By God’s grace,
your influence will extend beyond your tenure in the hearts and minds of those the
Lord entrusted to your care.
Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself
with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of
you. (Romans 12:3)
As a leadership trait, humility is a heart attitude that reflects a keen
understanding of your limitations and even inability to accomplish something on
your own. When a victory is won or an obstacle overcome, humility gives credit to
people and forces other than your own knowledge and effort. According to Jim
Collins in his book Good to Great, a leader with a humble heart looks out the
window to find and applaud the true causes of success and in the mirror to find and
accept responsibility for failure.
1 A leader who does that is not suffering from low
self-esteem! In fact, as Ken and Norman Vincent Peale said, “People with humility
don’t think less of themselves; they just think of themselves less.”
2
Leading like Jesus also requires humbly accepting and honoring the
nonnegotiable boundaries He has set so you can accomplish true and lasting
results. Jesus said to His disciples, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you
remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do
nothing” (John 15:5).
There is, however, a difference between putting on the appearance of humility
before others and being truly humble in the presence and before the purposes of
God. You are not to be piously humble about what He has given you or what you
have done. In Breakfast with Fred, Fred Smith said it well: “People with humility
don’t deny their power; they just recognize it passes through them, not from
them.”
3
Humility is realizing and emphasizing the importance of other people. It is not
putting yourself down; it is lifting others up. It is saying to yourself and to others,
“I am precious in God’s sight—and so are you.”
The humility Jesus demonstrated did not rise from a lack of self-esteem, love,
power, or ability. His humility came from the fact that He knew whose He was,
who He was, where He came from, and where He was going. That understanding
freed Him to treat people with love and respect.
God-Grounded Confidence
Humility rooted in a secure relationship with His Father allowed Jesus to
approach every situation with God-grounded confidence, the second attribute of a
heart that Exalts God Only. Jesus always knew His Father unconditionally loved
Him. That gave Him confidence to stay focused on the reason He had come to
earth.
Minister and author Norman Vincent Peale often said the toughest test of self62
esteem is bowing your head, admitting to God that you fall short of perfection, and
accepting Jesus as your Savior. Norman told Ken that at times people would say to
him, “Christianity is for weaklings.” Norman said when that happened, he would
reply, “That’s furthest from the truth. The human EGO does not want to admit any
weakness.” Moving from self-confidence to God-grounded confidence takes a big
person and an even bigger, loving God.
One of the by-products of God-grounded confidence is the “peace of God,
which transcends all understanding” (Philippians 4:7). Jesus promises to give us
this peace when we surrender our lives to Him: “Peace I leave with you; my peace
I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be
troubled and do not be afraid” (John 14:27).
Clearly, Exalting God Only will make you a different kind of leader. Humility
and God-confidence will mark your leadership and have an impact on those you
influence. Pride and fear no longer hold you captive: you don’t have to prove
anything to anyone, and you can rest in knowing and worshiping God, trusting
Him as your source, your audience, and your authority. Jesus came to set the
captives free, and freedom comes when we give ourselves totally to God and exalt
Him only.
When we Exalt God Only, our perspectives change. Edging God Out separates
us from God, from others, and from ourselves; prompts us to compare ourselves to
others; and offers only a false sense of security. But when we Exalt God Only, we
move toward community and transparent relationships rather than toward
separation and isolation; from comparisons of ourselves to others to contentment
with whose we are and who we are; and from distorted thinking about God and
about ourselves to the truth of God’s love for us as a basis of decision making and
leading.
EXALTING GOD ONLY
As the object of
my worship
As the source of my
security, self-worth, and
wisdom
As the audience and judge of
my life decisions
EXPRESSES ITSELF THROUGH:
HUMILITY GOD-GROUNDED CONFIDENCE
Something to hope for but never claim;
something to observe in others
Resting assured in God’s nature and goodness;
proceeding in faith one step at a time
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain
conceit. Rather, in humility value others
above yourselves” (Philippians 2:3).
“So we can confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper; I
will not fear; what can man do to me?’ ” (Hebrews 13:6
ESV).
Looking out the window, not in the mirror, Promoting others
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to praise
Protecting others
A kingdom perspective
LEADS TO:
COMMUNITY
Drawing near to
God and to others
CONTENTMENT
Being satisfied in all
circumstances
TRUTH
as a basis for decision making
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Imagine sitting down with Jesus just before He sends you off to represent
His kingdom where you work and in all your personal relationships. Here
are some questions Jesus might ask to make sure you are ready to head
out:
• Do you love Me?
• Do you trust Me?
• Will you serve Me by serving others?
• Do you believe that I will always love you regardless of your
performance or the opinions of others?
• Are you willing to set aside recognition, power, and instant gratification
to honor Me by doing the right thing?
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PART III
THE BEING HABITS
Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not
see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and
glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation
of your souls.
1 Peter 1:8–9
How can you Exalt God Only? It seems so easy for other things, people, or
circumstances to crowd out your priorities and take over as the object of your
worship. When the world so loudly and persistently shouts out its promises, what
can you do to better rely on God as your source of security, self-worth, and
wisdom and to more consistently choose Him as your audience and authority?
You have heard messages since you were a child about what it takes to be a
success—whatever success means in a given context. You have been bombarded
with commercials and social media messages that define for you the right career,
the right kind of car, the right look, power positions, success, and the home of your
dreams. What can you possibly do to guard your heart and exalt God when the pull
to choose differently is so strong?
As Jesus moved through His season of earthly leadership, He experienced
constant pressure and ongoing temptation to stray from the path God had set out
for Him. We learn a lot by reading in Scripture what Jesus did to stay on track with
His mission. We find five key Being Habits that countered the negative forces in
His life; habits that we ourselves can adopt.
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You’ll notice that the central habit is accepting and abiding in God’s love. The
other four habits—experiencing solitude, practicing prayer, knowing and applying
Scripture, and maintaining supportive relationships—are all ways to help you
accept and abide in God’s unconditional love.
Adopting these habits is essential for those of us who seek to follow Jesus as
our role model for leadership. He led with these five habits—and if we want to lead
like Jesus, we will too.
Why are these habits essential?
Practicing the Being Habits gives you peace. If peace sounds like a strange
characteristic for a leader, think about how Jesus, the Prince of Peace, exhibited it
throughout His ministry. Peace is an attractive trait in a leader, and many leaders
rise to power on their promises of peace. Jesus knew peace in His Father, and He
lived out peace even when everything around Him seemed in conflict or chaos.
When people sense a leader’s solid self-control, they have greater faith in what he
or she is doing.
As Rick Warren observed in The Purpose Driven Life, “Your character is
essentially the sum of your habits.”
1 So if we want to develop a character like
Jesus’, we have to look carefully at His habits. And if we want to become more
like Jesus, there is only one way: choose to set aside time to be with God.
You may spend this time in solitude, prayer, or the study of Scripture, but the
focus of your time with God is to nourish, strengthen, and grow your relationship
with Him. Your time with God will help you get to know Him better and to
understand more fully His love for you. Your choice to be in close relationship
with God is the one choice that both transforms you and consequently affects
everyone around you.
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Furthermore, the truth is that you can’t keep your heart in its right place by
yourself. The One who created you for His great purpose, who loves you more than
anyone else does, who knew your last day before your first day began, is the One
who calls you to be with Him. It is in being with Him that you become more the
person God created you to be: you become more like Jesus.
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12
THE HABIT OF ACCEPTING AND
ABIDING IN GOD’S
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
We know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives
in love lives in God, and God in them.
1 John 4:16
It is hard to imagine that the God of the universe actually seeks a love relationship
with you and me. It is hard to imagine because we know ourselves all too well. We
know what we are capable of: we know we can be prideful, fearful, mean-spirited,
and worse. And we understand conditional relationships, but this powerful love
with no strings attached is hard to comprehend. Ephesians 3:17–19 says:
Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will
grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power
to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and
how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too
great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness
of life and power that comes from God. (NLT)
What a promise! Your relationship with Jesus is built on the truth that we love
because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). When you choose to set aside time to be
with God, you will come to know Him better, the foundation of your relationship
with Him will grow stronger, and you can come to more fully accept and more
completely abide in His unconditional love.
There are not, however, four or five easy steps to accepting and abiding in
God’s love. This habit has nothing to do with how many times you attend church in
a month, how often you pray each day, how much money you give to missions, or
how many business deals you complete in a week. This habit has nothing to do
with your success as a parent, pastor, or business leader. God’s love is a gift.
Accepting and abiding in His love requires the foundational belief that His love for
you is possible. Believing that it is possible for God to love you will lead you to
Him—and He enables us to believe He loves us by His Son’s death on the cross
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and His Holy Spirit’s work in our hearts.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Think of a time when you felt loved by God. What were the
circumstances? Were you alone with God, in a group, listening to music,
reading Scripture, seeing your child walk for the first time, opening your
new business, or watching a sunrise?
What steps could you take to feel His love now? One step is simply to
ask your heavenly Father to reveal His love to you.
Love draws us into relationships. In fact, you and I are most often drawn to
people who love us, especially those who love us not because of what we do for
them, but because of who we are. Maybe you have experienced a child or
grandchild running to meet you with open arms. There is tremendous joy in the
open arms of a child who loves you.
Phyllis recently had an experience in a fast-food restaurant that reminded her of
what it is to love without conditions. She was walking toward the drink machine
and saw a little girl of about three waiting while her dad filled their cups. The girl
saw Phyllis and ran to her, smiling, and Phyllis smiled back. The girl’s dad walked
over and explained that his daughter had never run up to a stranger that way before.
Phyllis said she must look like someone the girl knows. The little girl walked away
with her dad but then turned and ran back to Phyllis, this time wrapping her arms
around Phyllis’s legs. Surprised, her dad came back and apologized, saying he had
no idea what would make the girl behave like this. He picked her up and carried
her off. Phyllis felt blessed to be the proxy for whomever the little girl loved so
much. The experience felt like a gift to her after a very long day. She chose to
believe God sent a little child to remind her of His love for her.
Perhaps the greatest earthly picture of unconditional love is a parent’s love for
a child. At our seminars, when we ask parents to raise their hands if they love their
kids, all the hands go up. When we ask how many of them love their kids only if
they’re successful, all the hands go down. You love your kids unconditionally,
right? But some human relationships have taught us about conditional love and left
us broken and wounded. This experience can color our relationship with our
heavenly Father.
God’s love, however, is not like any other love. Read the following promises
of God and personalize them by inserting your name in the blank.
• ____________, I know you by name.
• ____________, I have loved you with an everlasting love.
• ____________, I gave My life for you.
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• ____________, I have great plans for you.
• ____________, nothing can separate you from My love.
• ____________, I will wipe away every tear from your eyes.
• ____________, ask and you will receive.
• ____________, I want you to have life and have it to the full.
• ____________, I take great delight in you.
• ____________, I am with you wherever you go.
• ____________, I will never leave you nor forsake you.
We live in a world that fuels pride and fear. Through fads, fashion, and societal
pressure to acquire more, we are lured into believing we can secure for ourselves a
sense of meaning and safety. In absolute contrast to these temporary, always-atrisk places to put our trust are the unconditional love and never-failing promises of
God. Only in relationship with God can we find and be assured of a never-ending
supply of what we need to live and lead like Jesus.
Knowing God’s love for you offers assurance of whose you are and who you
are. You are God’s—His chosen, who is beloved, forgiven, righteous, and more.
Accepting and abiding in God’s love means recognizing that every gift you have is
a gift from God. No pride can exist in the face of such grace and generosity, and no
fear can grab you from the safety of His unconditional love.
If God’s love for you were based on your performance—on how well you lived
up to His standards of righteousness—you would never be free of anxiety. The
alternative is to accept God’s unconditional love for you: admit that you can’t earn
enough, achieve enough, or control enough to get any more love from Him. In
Jesus you already have access to all the love you need and infinitely more. That
truth is so powerful. Once you believe that you are completely and unconditionally
loved by God, you won’t be misled by earthly things that offer love, peace, safety,
and security.
Accepting and abiding in God’s love, though, is not a onetime decision. It is a
habit to be practiced, day by day, hour by hour, even minute by minute. When the
world tells you that you are not enough, when fear paralyzes you because failure
seems imminent and inevitable, the habit of accepting and abiding in God’s love
will help you remember that you are unconditionally loved. Soak in those
scriptures that remind you of God’s love, listen to music that reinforces God’s
love, and spend time with people who share God’s love with you. Whatever it
takes to anchor that understanding in your heart, do it.
You will be able to lead like Jesus only if you have received the gift of God’s
love. His love for us is the foundation of our Jesus-like leadership. We cannot give
to others love, peace, hope, or security if we ourselves have not received it first.
You might be thinking, Why are you talking about accepting and abiding in
God’s unconditional love in a book on leadership? Good question. The answer is
this: God’s love will change you and, by extension, change your leadership. You
will see leadership differently: it becomes less about power and control and more
about the stewardship of the people you touch and of the work God has given you
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to do. You will see people differently, too: rather than seeing them as a means to
accomplish the results you want, you realize that God has the same love for them
that He has for you. Work becomes an act of worship and your workplace an
outpost of God’s kingdom. You are no longer threatened by feedback; you no
longer lead out of fear or cause others to be fearful of you. Accepting and abiding
in God’s unconditional love changes you and lays the foundation for the four other
Being Habits that will help you lead like Jesus.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
At the beginning of this chapter, we said it is hard to imagine that God
could love us unconditionally because we know ourselves. Pause for just
a few minutes, put your doubts aside, and imagine fully embracing the
truth that you are unconditionally loved by Almighty God. Accept that
you can’t earn that kind of love, you don’t deserve it, and you can’t add to
it or lose it. What in your life would you be doing differently if you lived
with absolute confidence in God’s love for you?
Now think of a time when, beyond a shadow of doubt, you
experienced God’s unconditional love for you so personally and
specifically that only He and you knew the moment’s true significance.
How did you feel at the time? How do you feel now as you think back on
that moment? What do you want to say to God?
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THE HABIT OF EXPERIENCING
SOLITUDE
Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the
house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.
Mark 1:35
Of the habits we are going to discuss, solitude is by far the most elusive in our
modern world of noise, busyness, and 24/7 communications. Solitude is truly
countercultural and therefore a challenging behavior to adopt. Furthermore,
solitude draws us into the very place so many of our activities seem designed to
help us escape: being truly alone with God and without an agenda. It is a rare and
often unsettling feeling to stop doing and just be. Yet as strange as it feels to
actively seek opportunities to “cease striving” (Psalm 46:10 NASB), the result of
doing so consistently can be life changing. We can find clarity in the silence.
Let’s define solitude as being completely alone with God, away from all human
contact, for an extended period of time. Solitude is stepping out the back door of
your noisy life of to-do lists and demanding relationships and breathing in some
fresh air. Solitude is being refreshed and restored by the natural rhythms of life that
God Himself established. And solitude is taking time to listen for the “still small
voice” (1 Kings 19:12 KJV) by which God speaks to your soul and tells you that
you are His beloved. Sometimes, doing nothing is the best thing you can do for
your people and for yourself.
Jesus modeled solitude as an integral strategic component of His leadership.
Consider the following:
• When preparing for the tests of leadership and public ministry, Jesus spent
forty days alone in the desert (Matthew 4:1–11).
• Before Jesus chose His twelve apostles from among His followers, He spent
the entire night alone in the desert hills (Luke 6:12–13).
• When Jesus received the news of the death of John the Baptist, He withdrew
in a boat to a solitary place (Matthew 14:13).
• After the miraculous feeding of the five thousand, Jesus went up in the hills
by Himself (Matthew 14:23).
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When He was preparing to lead, needing to make important decisions, grieving,
and dealing with praise and recognition, Jesus modeled for us the value of
spending time alone to stay on track with God.
Spending daily time with God in solitude enables you to make the difficult
choices of leadership. Jesus used the solitude of the early morning hours so that He
could receive the Father’s guidance for His ministry to determine the best use of
His time. In Mark 1:32–38, we read:
That evening after sunset the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demonpossessed. The whole town gathered at the door, and Jesus healed many who
had various diseases. He also drove out many demons, but he would not let the
demons speak because they knew who he was.
Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house
and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Simon and his companions
went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: “Everyone is
looking for you!”
Jesus replied, “Let us go somewhere else—to the nearby villages—so I can
preach there also. That is why I have come.”
Did you notice these words? “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark,
Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” This
action strengthened Jesus’ resolve to spend His precious time doing the primary
work for which He had come—preaching the forgiveness of sins and reconciliation
with God—rather than doing the good and popular things of healing and driving
out demons. Imagine Jesus’ intense compassion for the sick and the demonpossessed people He would have to leave. Imagine the strong temptation to stay
and use His healing powers to the delight of all and to bring comfort to His heart,
so burdened as it was for lost and suffering humanity.
We believe that Jesus was able to resist doing merely good work and stay
focused on His God-given mission because of the time He spent alone with His
heavenly Father. In solitude and prayer, away from the hopes and hurts of those
who looked to Him with high expectations, Jesus received guidance and strength
from God.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
When was the last time you intentionally spent a significant amount of
time with God in solitude—and that means without a to-do list or prayer
list? When was the last time you sat quietly in God’s presence and
listened for His “still small voice”? If you can’t remember, consider that a
clue as to why your life and leadership may seem stuck and unsatisfying.
If you can remember and it was more than a week ago, you need to spend
time alone with God in the immediate future.
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In fact, take a few minutes to be alone with God right now. Put your
hands on your knees, palms down. Think of the concerns you have at this
moment. When a concern comes to mind, imagine laying it at the foot of
the cross. When no more concerns come to mind, turn your hands palms
up in a posture of receiving what God wants to give you. Contemplate
some aspect of His character, such as His mercy, His love, His grace, or
His power. Listen for His voice. Recite Psalm 46:10 in this way:
Be still, and know that I am God.
Be still, and know.
Be still.
Be.
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THE HABIT OF PRACTICING
PRAYER
One day Jesus was praying in a certain place. When he finished, one of his
disciples said to him, “Lord, teach us to pray, just as John taught his
disciples.”
Luke 11:1
Solitude may be the most elusive of the five Being Habits for us to develop, but
prayer is the habit that requires the most unlearning and revising of old patterns
and ways. So maybe it is no real surprise that, of all the things the disciples could
have asked Jesus to teach them, their only request recorded in Scripture is “Teach
us to pray” (Luke 11:1). The disciples saw the power that came when Jesus prayed,
and they longed for their prayers to yield the same kind of results. But—as the
disciples needed to learn—prayer is not a technique; it is simply a conversation
with God.
Prayer is also an essential act of the will that demonstrates whether we are
really serious about living and leading like Jesus. Without prayer, we will never be
able to either connect our plans and leadership efforts to God’s plan for His
kingdom or engage the spiritual resources that Jesus promised when He sent His
Holy Spirit. Seeking God’s will through prayer, waiting in faith for an answer,
obeying His instruction when it comes, and being at peace with the outcome will
make your leadership a lot like Jesus’.
The power of prayer in one’s life truly is immeasurable. Oswald Chambers
wrote, “If you will swing the door of your life fully open and pray to your Father
who is in the secret place, every public thing in your life will be marked with the
lasting imprint of the presence of God.”
1 We will see the public results of a life
spent in prayer as we consider the example Jesus gave us to follow.
JESUS’ PRAYER IN GETHSEMANE
Nowhere in the Bible is found a more powerful model of praying like Jesus than in
the dark hours in Gethsemane the night He was betrayed. This was a time of almost
unbearable pressure and stress:
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Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them,
“Sit here while I go over there and pray.” He took Peter and the two sons of
Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he
said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay
here and keep watch with me.”
Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My
Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as
you will.” (Matthew 26:36–39)
Jesus’ prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane is an excellent example for leaders.
Let’s look at four instructive aspects.
1. Where did Jesus pray and why? He went off by Himself for prayer. Alone
with God, Jesus could freely pour out His heart to the Father, knowing the
Father understands the broken language of sighs and groans.
2. What was Jesus’ posture in prayer? Jesus fell on His face before His Father,
indicating His agony, extreme sorrow, and humility. At other times Jesus
prayed kneeling or looking up to heaven with His eyes open. The posture of
the heart is more important than the posture of the body, but prostrating our
physical selves before God helps our heart posture.
3. What did Jesus ask in prayer? Jesus asked, “If it is possible, may this cup be
taken from me” (v. 39). He was asking if He could avoid the suffering of the
cross. But notice the way Jesus couched His request: “If it is possible.” He left
the decision to the Father when He said, “Yet not as I will, but as you will” (v.
39). Although Jesus was keenly aware of the bitter suffering He was to
undergo, He freely subjugated His desire to the Father. He based His own
willingness upon the Father’s will.
4. What was the answer to Jesus’ prayer? God’s answer was that His will—the
will of the Father—would be done. The cup of suffering on the cross did not
pass from Jesus, for He had presented that petition with the willingness to
defer to His Father’s will. God answered Jesus’ prayer and then fortified Him
for the mission He had come to fulfill: “An angel from heaven appeared to
him and strengthened him” (Luke 22:43).
As a leader, doing the right thing for the right reasons might require you to
drink a bitter cup of ridicule, rejection, or anger. Your human tendency will be to
try to avoid that pain. Leading like Jesus will call you to lean in closer to hear from
Him how you are to proceed in faith. He will fortify you, enabling you to trust Him
to provide you with the courage you need to do the right thing and finish the task.
THE POWER OF PREEMPTIVE PRAYER
When we want to lead like Jesus, prayer becomes our first response, not our last
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resort. Preemptive prayer is our most powerful, most immediately accessible, most
useful resource for responding to the moment-to-moment challenges of life.
Phil’s poem shows the possibilities of prayer.
Just Suppose
Just suppose, when I pray, there really is someone listening who cares about me
and wants to know what is on my mind.
Just suppose, when I pray, it changes me and my view of how the universe
operates and who is involved.
Just suppose I put my doubts aside for a minute and consider the possibility that
someone who knew me before I was born loves me, warts and all, without
condition or reservation, no matter how badly I have behaved in the past.
Just suppose a prayer was my first response instead of my last resort when
facing a new challenge or an old temptation.
Just suppose I lived each day knowing that there is an inexhaustible supply of
love for me to pass along to others.
Just suppose.
We believe all of these just suppose things are true. Just suppose they are true
for you too.
THE ACTS METHOD OF PRAYER
People often ask us how to pray. Again, prayer is not a technique; it is essentially a
conversation with God. We all need to develop our own style of conversing with
the Father. For those of you who would like a framework to get started, we suggest
the ACTS approach. The simple acronym ACTS can help you remember four basic
parts of prayer: Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication. In
addition to helping many beginners in prayer, this method has also served as a
compass for weather-beaten veterans. Try it for a few days.
Adoration. All prayer should begin with adoration. Tell the Lord that you love
Him and appreciate Him for who He is: “Yours, LORD, is the greatness and the
power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and
earth is yours. Yours, LORD, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all” (1
Chronicles 29:11).
Confession. When we come into the presence of a holy God, we recognize our
sins: we all fall short of God’s glory. Therefore, our first response to adoring God
is confession: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our
sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).
Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is our heartfelt expression of gratitude to God for
all He has done in creation and in redemption. Thank God specifically for all that
He has done for you. As the old hymn says, “Count your blessings, name them one
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by one. Count your many blessings; see what God has done.”
2 What if tomorrow
you only had the things that you thanked God for today? Toothpaste, air, water,
clothes, family, job—you name it. Take note of the scripture: “Sing and make
music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for
everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Ephesians 5:19–20).
Supplication. Finally, we get to the part of prayer where most of us start and
too often never get past. Supplication is asking for what we need. Start by praying
about other people’s needs and then ask God to meet your own needs. It’s okay to
have a big wish list. According to God’s Word, we can ask with confidence: “Ask
and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be
opened to you” (Matthew 7:7).
PAUSE AND REFLECT
One of the most revealing questions we can ask a leadership candidate is,
“How is your prayer life?” The answer will speak volumes about where
and how the leader might lead.
Here’s a question for you: How is your prayer life?
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15
THE HABIT OF KNOWING AND
APPLYING SCRIPTURE
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking,
correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be
thoroughly equipped for every good work.
2 Timothy 3:16–17
It is through Scripture that you come to know God and His ways. In the pages of
His Word, God invites you to know Him and experience His love. In Scripture you
discover that God loves you, He has great plans for you, and He created you
perfectly to accomplish a specific purpose. The study of Scripture equips us to
fulfill God’s plan for us. Scripture also instructs us how to treat one another, how
to love as we have been loved, and, yes, how to lead like Jesus.
Consider now these five practical ways you can cultivate the habit of knowing
and applying Scripture: hearing, reading, studying, memorizing, and meditating.
We pray that today you will begin the adventure of knowing God through
Scripture.
HEAR THE WORD
One way to receive the Word is to hear it from someone else. Even a child or a
person who cannot read can hear the Bible. Jesus said, “If anyone has ears to hear,
let him hear” (Mark 4:23). Hearing with our ears leads to hearing with our hearts.
Later, Paul wrote this: “Faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is
heard through the word about Christ” (Romans 10:17). Among the many
opportunities to hear God’s Word today are audiobooks and a variety of social
media.
The parable of the sower, found in Matthew 13:3–23, lists four kinds of hearers
of the Word. The apathetic hearer hears the Word but does not understand it (v.
19); the superficial hearer receives the Word temporarily but does not let it take
root in the heart (vv. 20–21); and the preoccupied hearer receives the Word but lets
the worries of this world and the desire for other things choke it out (v. 22). The
reproducing hearer, though, receives the Word, understands it, and bears fruit (v.
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23). Which kind of hearer are you?
PAUSE AND REFLECT
One way to apply what you hear is to ask yourself the following questions
after you hear each Scripture passage and jot down your thoughts.
• What did God say to me?
• How does my life measure up to God’s standards and instructions?
• What actions will I take to align my life with His message?
• What truth in the passage do I need to study further?
• What truth can I share with another person today?
READ THE WORD
The second way you learn God’s Word is to read it: “Blessed is the one who reads
aloud the words of this prophecy, and blessed are those who hear it and take to
heart what is written in it, because the time is near” (Revelation 1:3). Be sure to
allow time for reflection after you read.
Choose a short passage of Scripture. If you read too much at once, you may
find it challenging to reflect on its meaning or allow God to speak directly to you
and your situation. Start with a passage of manageable length, like these verses
from Psalm 103: “Praise the LORD, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy
name. Praise the LORD, my soul, and forget not all his benefits” (vv. 1–2).
Balance your reading of the Word. Be sure that your reading of God’s Word
includes both the Old Testament and the New Testament. God will speak to you
through every word in His Word. Jesus said, “ ‘Everything must be fulfilled that is
written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms.’ Then he
opened [the disciples’] minds so they could understand the Scriptures” (Luke
24:44–45). The Bible contains many passages that point to Jesus. You will want to
read about Him in the sections mentioned in Luke as well as throughout the Bible.
Apply the Word to your life each day. Ask God to show you what His Word means
to you and for your life. Jesus instructed, “If you love me, keep my commands”
(John 14:15).
Every time you apply the Word of God to your life, you grow closer to Him.
Every time you fail to apply it, you leave the Word, like scattered seed, beside the
road, where Satan can steal it. When you read God’s Word, respond to it with
prayer and obedience. Scripture teaches us that obedience is always about our love
for our heavenly Father.
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STUDY THE WORD
Studying the Word means learning more about its meaning and application.
Knowing God’s Word more deeply will enable us to follow this New Testament
example: “Now the Berean Jews were of more noble character than those in
Thessalonica, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the
Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true” (Acts 17:11).
With study, you begin to handle God’s Word more effectively. Bible study is
an in-depth look into the Scriptures: the goal is to learn more than you would
during a simple overview or in a devotional reading. Study involves, for instance,
comparing one Bible passage to another or searching through the Scriptures for the
answer to a question. Bible study often includes gaining additional information
through commentaries and study helps.
MEMORIZE THE WORD
When you commit God’s Word to memory, it lives in you, you live in it, and
God’s promises become your possessions. The psalmist recognized this truth:
“How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your
word. . . . I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you”
(Psalm 119:9, 11).
In the account of Jesus’ temptation in the wilderness (Matthew 4:1–11), Jesus
set the example for us. He used Scripture as the sword of the Spirit against Satan,
even when Satan misused Scripture to fuel the temptation. In addition to helping
you gain victory over sin, memorized Scripture helps you answer people who have
questions about your faith. Being able to recite Scripture verses by heart also helps
you to reflect on them and gives you direction for your daily life at any moment.
Finally, memorizing scriptures enables us to obey this God-given command:
“Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the
reason for the hope that you have” (1 Peter 3:15).
When Phyllis was eight years old, a group came to her school and offered
students a chance to go to a two-week summer camp—with swimming, tennis,
campfires, and s’mores—and it wouldn’t cost them a cent. The only cost was
memorizing three hundred Scripture verses.
Phyllis was up to the challenge. Her parents agreed it was a good commitment
to make and offered to help. So Phyllis got up at 6:00 a.m. each day, memorized a
passage, and recited it to her father, who was pastor of a church. Every morning he
would pray, Lord, help Phyllis remember these scriptures. Plant them as seeds in
her heart. At the end of each week, Phyllis would recite all the week’s verses for
her father, who would sign a form to verify that she had memorized them.
By the end of the school year, Phyllis had memorized all three hundred verses
and earned two weeks at camp. But she had not considered two key things: First,
she had never been away from home. And second, no one else at her school had
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memorized the verses, so she wouldn’t know anyone at camp.
On Wednesday of the first week, Phyllis called home in tears and begged her
mother to come get her. Her mother persuaded her to stay until Saturday. When
Phyllis got home, she was disappointed that she had worked so hard and not
enjoyed the reward.
Phyllis didn’t yet know that her real reward was learning—among many other
things—that she never had to be afraid. In Isaiah 43:1 she had learned that God
knew her by name, and she was His. She had learned in Jeremiah 33:3 that God
would answer her and tell her “great and unsearchable things.” In Ephesians 3:20
she had learned that God would do “immeasurably more” than anything she could
“ask or imagine”—and she had a big imagination.
Eight-year-old Phyllis had no idea how God would use those seeds she had
worked so hard to plant in her heart. Many years later, though, when her husband
of twenty-two years collapsed in front of her, Phyllis had in her mind the words of
Jeremiah 29:11, a verse she had memorized as a child: “I know the plans I have for
you . . . plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a
future.”
Sitting with her daughter in a waiting room, Phyllis looked up as the doctor
came to the doorway and said, “I am sorry. Sometimes the first sign of heart
disease is fatal.”
Immediately Phyllis heard, “I know the plans I have for you . . . plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” This
doesn’t feel like hope and a future, she thought. Then, almost like a movie playing
in her mind, Proverbs 3:5–6 appeared: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and
lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will
make your paths straight.” She said out loud, “It is about trusting You.”
Phyllis never could have imagined that a little more than three years later, she
would marry again. Throughout the next nineteen years, she depended on Scripture
to teach her about loving unconditionally, blending a family, and serving them.
Then the news came that her second husband had lung cancer. How could that be?
He was not a smoker, and he looked healthy. Phyllis leaned on God for the next
several months as her big, strong husband went from walking alone to walking
with a cane, using a walker, needing a wheelchair, and then resting in a hospice
bed. Every day she reminded herself of what she knew about God from Scripture:
He loves me; He has great plans for me; He will never leave me. When her
husband was released to his new life, Phyllis knew she could still trust God with all
her heart. It is amazing that, beginning when she was eight years old, God used His
Word to prepare Phyllis for every part of her journey. Her father’s prayer was
answered: those verses planted in her heart were seeds of truth that took deep root
in her life.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
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1. Choose a few verses that have touched you.
2. Write each verse on a note card and place it in a prominent place so
that you can review it while you do other tasks.
3. Turn it over in your mind; savor every word.
4. Review it often for as long as it takes you to store the message in your
mind. Then move to another verse.
MEDITATE ON GOD’S WORD
Another way you live in the Word and the Word lives in you is to think about it or
meditate on its truth. As the psalmist said, “Blessed is the one . . . whose delight is
in the law of the LORD, and who meditates on his law day and night” (Psalm 1:1–
2).
You meditate on God’s Word when you focus on a specific verse of Scripture
in order to more fully understand all that it says. Select a key verse in a passage
you have just read. Ask the Holy Spirit for His revelation as you meditate.
Here are some practical ways to meditate on God’s Word:
1. Read the verses before and after your selected verse to establish the theme
and setting. That information will aid you in interpretation. Write a
summary of the passage.
2. Write the verse(s) in your own words. Read your paraphrase aloud.
3. Now read the verse over and over again, emphasizing a different word
each time. For example, in the verse “I can do all things through Christ
who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13 NKJV), first emphasize the word I,
then the word can, and so on. This exercise helps each word yield its full
impact.
4. State the opposite meaning of the verse. For instance: “I can’t do anything
if Christ does not strengthen me.” What impact does the verse have on you
now?
5. Write at least two important words from the verse. To relate the Scripture
to your current life situation, ask a few of these questions about the two
words: What? Why? Where? Who? How? For example: “What can I do?”
All things. “Why?” Because Christ strengthens me. “Who strengthens
me?” Christ.
6. Personalize the verse. Ask the Holy Spirit to use its truth to speak to a
need, a challenge, an opportunity, or a failure in your life. Then determine
what you will do in response to this verse as it relates to your life. Be
specific.
7. Repeat the verse back to God in your prayer time with Him. Put your own
name or situation in the verse.
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8. Refer to other passages that emphasize the truth of the verse. List any
thoughts you might not understand or ideas you might have difficulty
applying in your life. Seek out instruction or help in these areas.
9. Write out a way you can use the verse to help another person—and then do
so.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Are you actively seeking God’s guidance by spending time reading the
Bible? What is He currently saying to you?
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16
THE HABIT OF MAINTAINING
SUPPORTIVE RELATIONSHIPS
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of
three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:12
Among the twelve men He called out to be His apostles, Jesus had a small group of
three—Peter, James, and John—with whom He seemed to have a particularly close
relationship. He took these three with Him to the Mount of Transfiguration, where
He revealed to them, in confidence, the true nature of His being (Matthew 17:1–9).
These same three men were present when Jesus raised from the dead the daughter
of a synagogue leader (Mark 5:21–43). And the most poignant episode involving
this circle of friends occurred on the night Jesus was arrested and began His final
journey to the cross: Jesus asked them to follow deeper into the garden with Him
(Matthew 26:37–38). But Peter, James, and John—invited along to support their
Friend in His agonizing anticipation of the cross—fell asleep.
As this last scene so powerfully illustrates, leadership can be a lonely business
filled with great amounts of soul-draining human interaction but little soul-filling
intimacy. Leaders need safe-harbor relationships in which they can lay down all
the armor and weapons they need to face the world and can relax in confidential
and unguarded conversation. Without these safe relationships, leaders become
vulnerable to two debilitating frames of mind and spirit: the victim and the martyr.
Allowed to blossom into either resentment or a justification for seeking EGOsoothing instant gratification, these twin demons have been the downfall of many a
leader in every walk of life.
Jesus emphasized the importance of communion of spirit when He prayed for
His followers to attain the joy that He Himself had in His unity and fellowship with
His Father. In John 15:9, 12–15 Jesus told His disciples:
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. . . .
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no
one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you
do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not
know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything
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that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”
When we rely on our own perspectives of how we are doing, we are bound to
slip into convenient rationalizations or unknowingly encounter blind spots, both of
which can quickly undermine our integrity as well as the trust of those we lead.
TRUTH TELLERS
We all need trusted truth tellers—preferably people not directly affected by our
leadership—who can help us keep on course. If you can’t name any active truth
tellers in your life, or if you have avoided or undervalued the ones you have, it’s
time to make a change. Truth tellers are probably your greatest resource for
growth. Ken’s father used to tell him, “I learned in the navy that if you don’t hear
from your people about any problems, watch out, because you are about to go over
the side. You have mutiny on your hands, because the people around you don’t feel
valued—and therefore they have cut you off from the truth.”
Too often a self-serving leader will silence valuable feedback by killing the
messenger. Eventually the leader is fired. Although people were available who
could have given the leader helpful information, the leader cut off the workers’
opportunity to grow and to communicate ideas that would have improved the
leader’s own skills.
Feedback is a gift. If somebody gives you a gift, what do you say? “Thank
you!” Then ask more questions in order to understand what is being said and why:
“What made you think that?” “How long has this been an issue?” “Don’t name
names, but can you tell me more about how your coworkers are feeling?” “Whom
do you suggest I talk to about this situation?” And maybe even “Why hasn’t
anyone approached me before now?”
Truth tellers are willing to be honest if they know you are going to listen. Your
listening doesn’t mean you have to do everything they say, but they want to know
you have heard them. If you let yourself be a bit vulnerable in the process, the
give-and-take can be rich and valuable.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either
of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has
no one to help them up. (Ecclesiastes 4:9–10)
We encourage you to contact people you know and form an accountability
relationship or group that meets for regular times of truth telling.
Being open to feedback from other people is not the only way to grow; being
willing to disclose our own vulnerabilities, flaws, and sins to other people is
another. All of us fall short of being who God wants us to be; we fall short of being
who we want to be! So don’t be afraid to share specific points of vulnerability.
Being open is one of the most powerful ways to build relationships with the people
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you’re leading. They know you’re not perfect, so don’t act as if you are. More
times than not, they know your imperfections long before you reveal them. Colleen
Barrett, president emerita of Southwest Airlines, puts it this way: “People admire
your skills, but they love your vulnerability.”
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However, disclosing your vulnerabilities doesn’t mean divulging all your inner
thoughts. Rather, you want to share only task-relevant information or struggles you
are working on as a leader. If a truth teller says you’re not a good listener, it’s
wonderful to go in front of the team and say something like this: “Bill was kind
enough to share feedback with me about my listening. I didn’t realize that when
you say things to me, I jump right into my own agenda. But now I know—and I
would like to improve. The only way I can listen better is if you help me.” As
Proverbs 27:6 says: “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies
kisses.”
SMALL-GROUP FELLOWSHIP
In Leadership by the Book—which Ken and Phil wrote with Bill Hybels—one of
the central characters explains how he got into trouble after a successful start at
becoming a leader: “When I boil it down, it was a combination of ego and selfimposed isolation.”
2
As we commit to becoming more like Jesus in the way we lead, it is vital to
note how He combated the loneliness and isolation that often come with
leadership. Throughout His earthly ministry, Jesus had all kinds of relationships
with all kinds of people. Hundreds, even thousands, of people flocked to Him
everywhere He went. Yet He chose twelve men as disciples to entrust with His
mission and, from those, three inner-circle confidants—Peter, James, and John—to
lean on in crucial times.
If you are to grow in your daily walk as a Jesus-like leader, you need similar
supportive relationships. The temptations and challenges to be an EGO-driven,
fear-motivated leader are going to continue and will probably intensify. The value
of having safe-harbor relationships of support and accountability cannot be
overemphasized. As one New Testament writer put it, “Let us consider how we
may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting
together . . . but encouraging one another” (Hebrews 10:24–25).
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Name the special people in your life who love you enough to tell you
what you need to hear. What are you doing to nurture and strengthen
those special relationships? Who in your life needs you to hold them
accountable? Do you love them enough to tell them what they need to
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know? Listed below are sample questions for inner-circle accountability
conversations:
• Where do you see or sense God at work in your life right now?
• What truth, command, or redirection has God been making clear to you
lately?
• What is something you need to start doing? What’s holding you back?
• What is something you need to stop doing? What’s keeping you from
stopping?
• What gaps—if any—exist between your saying and your doing?
WHAT DECISION WILL YOU MAKE?
The world needs to see God, and the only way some people will see Him is if they
see God through us. That’s why each of us has a decision to make: Will we choose
to lead like everyone else, or will we choose to lead like Jesus by practicing the
five Being Habits?
When former professional football player Rosey Grier spoke at a Lead Like
Jesus event, he shared a compelling personal example of the importance of being
prepared to lead like Jesus:
You know what I wanted to do as a football player? I wanted to carry the ball.
But the Giants wouldn’t let me because I was too big. I played in five world
championship games with the Giants and then got traded to the LA Rams. They
wouldn’t let me carry the football either—they put me on defense.
One day we’re playing the Green Bay Packers. They drove from their fiveyard line down to our five-yard line, so we called a time-out. Our guys huddled
up and said, “They’re going to score on us. Let’s run a blitz.”
Now, they didn’t know we were going to run a blitz. So the quarterback
struts out and says, “Everybody go down!” Then Deacon Jones, Merlin Olsen,
Lamar Lundy, and I start coming after him. While he was fading back with the
ball, he closed his eyes. Deacon, Merlin, and Lamar jumped on him, and there
was no place left for me to jump on him.
Then the football popped up, just like that. I’m looking up at that football.
All my life I’ve been wanting to carry that football. I heard a voice in my head
say, “You’re supposed to yell out, ‘Ball!’ ” But the week before, I had yelled
out, “Ball!” and Merlin got the football and started running down the sideline. I
was so mad! I caught up to him and said, “Say, Merlin, let me carry the football
some.” He said, “No, man, I’m carrying it all the way!” So I didn’t block for
him—and he didn’t make it either.
So I’m looking at that football, and I have to make a decision. I don’t want
to say, “Ball!” because I want to run ninety-five yards for a touchdown myself.
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But as I’m standing there, with my hands up in the air, that old voice in my head
says, “Can you catch?”
You know what? I had never practiced catching. When I had an opportunity
to run ninety-five yards for a touchdown, I wasn’t able to do it because I was not
prepared.
Today is the day to make your decision if you haven’t already. Will you decide
to lead like Jesus? If so, will you choose to get prepared to run the leadership race
by putting into practice the five Being Habits that Jesus modeled?
PAUSE AND REFLECT
How ready are you to lead like Jesus today? Answering the following
questions about the Being Habits will give you an idea.
• Accepting and Abiding in God’s Unconditional Love—Do you sense
God’s unconditional love for you today? If not, why do you think that’s
the case?
• Solitude—Are you ready to be alone with Jesus on a regular basis? If
so, what’s your plan for being consistent? If not, why do you think
you’re hesitant?
• Prayer—What will you do to strengthen your prayer life and
communicate with Jesus on a regular basis?
• Bible Study—Are you actively seeking the Lord’s guidance by
spending time studying His Holy Word? If not, why not?
• Supportive Relationships—Do you have a small group of like-minded
friends with whom you can be open and vulnerable? If not, where might
you look? If so, what do you do to nurture and strengthen those
relationships?
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PART IV
THE HEAD OF A GREAT LEADER
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the
renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what
God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:2
The journey of becoming a great leader starts in the heart with motivation and
intent. If you don’t get the heart right, your leadership will never reflect how Jesus
led. Then, when we realize that God is our primary authority and audience and that
we are here to please Him alone, our good intentions travel to our heads. That is
where we store our perspectives on life and leadership: specifically, all great
leaders know not only whose they are, but also who they are. They are aware that
the purpose of their lives is already embedded within them, put there by God. As
Ephesians 2:10 says, “We are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good
works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
So we will start this section on the head of a great leader by helping you
develop a compelling vision for your life that will tell you and those you influence
who you are (your purpose), where you are going (your picture of the future), and
what will guide your journey (your values).
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Once we have focused on you and how the vision for your life will have an
impact on others, we will turn our attention to the need for developing a
compelling vision for your team or organization. Of course, throughout our
discussion we will be focusing on Jesus’ intentions for Himself and for us.
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DEVELOPING YOUR OWN
COMPELLING VISION
When I preach the gospel, I cannot boast, since I am compelled to preach.
1 Corinthians 9:16
The goal of this chapter is to help you develop a compelling vision for your life.
This vision will be important in guiding and aligning the efforts of those who are to
follow you so that their relationship with you is not built on a false foundation of
who you are.
Our experience tells us that few people have a clear, compelling vision for
themselves, even though God has one for each of us. And how do you make a
decision about what you are going to do with your time if you don’t have a
compelling vision that tells you your purpose, reflects your picture of the future,
and reminds you of your values?
YOUR LIFE PURPOSE
We all share a common purpose: “Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God”
(1 Corinthians 10:31). But each of us also has a specific purpose, a personalized
reason for being. Note that a purpose is different from a goal, in that it does not
have a beginning or an end; your purpose is the meaning of the journey of your
life, not the destination. Your purpose is your calling, the reason you were created,
the place where your passion and giftedness meet. In the context of leadership,
your purpose must include serving the best interests of those you lead, or your
“leadership” becomes manipulation and exploitation, the absolute opposite of
leading like Jesus.
The following is a simple process that will help you create a good first draft of
your life purpose.
1 First, list some personal characteristics you feel good about.
These are God-given traits that are unique to you.
Use nouns like these:
patience sales ability energy
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enthusiasm intellect artistic ability
physical strength charm role model
wit problem-solving ability creativity
sense of humor diplomacy teaching ability
For example, Ken chose sense of humor, people skills, teaching skills, and role
model.
[Your Notes]
Next, list ways you successfully interact with people. These have to do with
your unique, God-given personality. Use verbs like these:
teach encourage love
inspire plan coach
produce stimulate help
manage act write
educate lead
motivate sell
Ken picked educate, help, inspire, and motivate.
[Your Notes]
Finally, visualize what your perfect world would be—one that would make
Jesus smile. What would people do or say? Write a description of this perfect
world.
To Ken, a perfect world is where everyone is aware of the presence of God in
their lives and realizes they are here to serve, not to be served.
[Your Notes]
Now, combine two of your nouns, two of your verbs, and your definition of
your perfect world, and you’ll have a good start on a definition of your life
purpose.
Ken’s life purpose is to be a loving teacher and role model of simple truths who
helps and motivates myself and others to be aware of the presence of God in our
lives and realize we are here to serve, not to be served.
[Your Notes]
Remember, this is your first draft. Share it with important people in your life
and see how they respond. Feel free to make changes; determining your life
purpose is an ongoing process.
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YOUR PICTURE OF THE FUTURE
Your picture of the future is all about where you are heading in your life and, in
many ways, how you’d like to be remembered. In fact, the essence of your picture
of the future might be the epitaph on your tombstone. While it might sound
morbid, it is actually helpful to think of your own obituary as your picture of the
future.
We first got this idea when we read about Alfred Nobel’s experience in the late
nineteenth century. Alfred Nobel was the inventor of dynamite. When his brother
Ludvig died in France, a newspaper mistakenly printed an obituary about Alfred
instead of Ludvig. As a result, Alfred had the unusual experience of reading his
own obituary. To his dismay, the focal point of the piece was the destruction
brought about through his invention of dynamite. Devastated to think he would be
remembered that way, Alfred gathered friends and loved ones around him and
asked them, “What’s the opposite of destruction?” The almost unanimous reply
was “Peace.” As a result, Alfred redesigned his life and set aside the bulk of his
estate to establish the Nobel Prize so that he would be remembered for peace, not
destruction.
To determine your picture of the future, we want you to write your own
obituary. This is not something you can put together as quickly as you did the first
draft of your life purpose. We suggest you spend some time on it and then share it
with some of your loved ones—not to scare them but to get their feedback. Ask
them, “Is this the way you would like to remember me?”
To give you an example, the following is an obituary Ken wrote about himself.
When he shared it with his wife, Margie, at first she thought he was getting a little
dark, but then she got into it and helped him write it.
Ken Blanchard was a loving teacher and living example of simple truths whose
books and speeches on leadership, management, and life helped motivate
himself and others to awaken to the presence of God in their lives and to realize
they are here to serve, not to be served. He continually inspired, challenged, and
equipped people to live, love, and lead like Jesus. He was a loving child of God,
son, brother, spouse, father, grandfather, uncle, cousin, friend, and colleague
who strove to find a balance between success, significance, and surrender. He
had a spiritual peace about him that permitted him to say no in a loving manner
to people and to projects that got him off purpose. He knew full well that BUSY
stands for Being Under Satan’s Yoke. He was a person of high energy who was
able to see the positive in any event. No matter what happened, he could find a
lesson or message in it. Ken Blanchard trusted God’s unconditional love and
believed he was God’s beloved. Ken valued integrity, walked his talk, and was a
185-pound lean and mean golfing machine. He will be missed, because
wherever he went, he made the world a better place.
Ken recognizes that some of the things mentioned in the obituary are goals or
hoped-for outcomes, such as being able to say no in a loving manner to both people
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and projects that get him off purpose: Ken admits he still has never heard a bad
idea. As for being a 185-pound lean and mean golfing machine, that is also an
ongoing aspiration.
So have fun writing your obituary. Share your truth about yourself as well as
some hoped-for results of your life.
YOUR CORE VALUES
It has been said that the most important thing in life is to decide what’s most
important. Your values are the beliefs you find most important: you feel strongly
about them and choose them over other alternatives.
When you were a kid, your parents and other adults tended to define your
values, but at some point in life we all choose what is most important to us. Your
leader at work might value results more than people, and you might be the
opposite. People don’t all value the same things. Some people value wealth and
power, and others are more concerned with safety or survival. Success is a value;
integrity and relationships are values as well. The following is a sample list of
some personal values. If the list doesn’t include things you value, write them in the
blank spaces.
truth originality security
wisdom service resources
power respect love
commitment freedom excellence
courage order fun
recognition integrity responsiveness
excitement spirituality relationships
learning peace success
creativity cooperation _____________
honesty loyalty _____________
happiness humor _____________
When you turn your life over to the Lord, He will give you a different
perspective on what you value. Given that fact, circle the ten values from this list
that are most meaningful to you. If you have trouble narrowing down your top
values, combine a couple. For example, Ken combined two words and included
spiritual peace as an important value for him.
As you try to determine what your values are, we want you to start with a long
list of ten. But fewer than ten is better, particularly if you want your values to guide
your behavior. Some maintain that more than five values is too many and can be
immobilizing.
2
Now look at those ten circled values and underline the five values that are more
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meaningful to your life than the rest. Take your time. Making these choices can be
difficult.
Now here’s the part that may take you even longer. Study those five remaining
values and rank them from most important (#1) to least important (#5).
Your number one value is your core value, something you want to be true about
you no matter what you’re doing. If, for example, your number one value is
integrity, living without integrity is not an option.
Why did we want you to rank your values? Because values exist in dynamic
tension with one another. For example, if you value financial growth but integrity
is your core value, you will look at any activities that could lead to financial gain
through the lens of integrity, because you value integrity more than profit.
Ken ordered his values like this: spiritual peace, integrity, love, and joy.
How do you know if you’re living according to a particular value? First, you
have to define that value as specifically as possible. If you don’t define each value,
it will have little meaning to you or to anyone else. A value like justice, for
example, can be defined differently by different people. For one, it might mean
“equal opportunity.” For another, it might mean “fair process.” For the third, it
might mean “getting my due share.”
So take some quiet time to define each of your values, and for each one decide
how you would finish this statement:
“I value ________, and I know I am living by this value anytime I . . .”
One of Ken’s values is joy, a concept some might think is difficult to define.
Ken has written the following:
I value joy, and I know I am living by this value anytime I . . .
• let my playful child express himself;
• wake up feeling grateful for my blessings, for the beauty around me, and for
the people in my life;
• smile and am happy and laugh and kid; and
• get into the act of forgetfulness about myself.
Once you have a good grasp of your purpose, your picture of the future, and
your values, write them down in a place where you can read them every morning.
Doing so will help to set your vision for the day. At night, review the list to see
how well you did.
We understand that you might feel intimidated by people who write in their
journals in four different colors and include poetry. But at the end of the day, after
reviewing your compelling vision, make a simple journal entry. Write affirmations
of what you did well that day. Then write redirections regarding what you wish
you could do over. (That could mean making an apology or two the next day.) In
other words, don’t create a compelling vision and then never look at it again.
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GOALS
You might be wondering where goal setting fits in with developing a personal
compelling vision. Goals are not normally considered part of a compelling vision
for one’s life, but they do help you determine what you want to accomplish on a
day-to-day basis.
When it comes to goal setting, you need to remember two things. First, don’t
establish too many goals. Three to five are the most any individual can focus on at
any one time. We believe in the 80/20 rule: 80 percent of what you want to happen
in your life comes from about 20 percent of what you focus your attention on. So
set goals in the 20 percent that will give you the greatest impact.
Second, make your goals observable and measurable. If you can’t measure
something, you can’t manage it. You need to know what good behavior looks like.
The action your goal focuses on needs to be observable. For example, if you are
interested in losing weight, you need to know your present weight and your desired
weight. Then, on a weekly basis, you can track how well you are doing and either
cheer yourself on or redirect your efforts and get back on track.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
In this chapter we gave you a lot of work to do as well as a lot to think
about. Study the answers you came up with and review what you have
learned about yourself. Remember that assessing your life purpose, your
picture of the future, your values, and your goals is an ongoing process.
Finally, consider these two questions: In what specific way(s) can
your recently crafted compelling vision be used for the greater good?
And what can you do to glorify God in the context of fulfilling your
vision?
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18
JESUS’ COMPELLING VISION
“The Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”
Luke 19:10
A key insight into Jesus’ compelling vision for His life is contained in His prayer
for His disciples, recorded in John 17. Jesus stayed focused on what He was sent to
accomplish in His season of leadership. He told His Father, “I brought glory to you
here on earth by completing the work you gave me to do” (John 17:4 NLT). In total
obedience and commitment, Jesus stayed on task. He did not seek to take on other
projects or the agenda others hoped He would fulfill.
One of the greatest services that leaders can provide followers is constancy of
purpose. When the going gets tough, when temptations to short-term success arise,
and when distractions or setbacks come, people will look to their leaders to see
how they respond. Will they stay on course and remain true to their mission and
values, or will they give up and give in to the pressures of the moment?
PAUSE AND REFLECT
List the three things that are most likely to pull you off course as a leader.
What impact would changing course or direction have on the morale of
the people you lead?
Jesus took responsibility not just for proclaiming God’s truth but also for
equipping His followers with a full understanding of what they needed to know to
carry out their mission: “Now [my disciples] know that everything I have is a gift
from you, for I have passed on to them the message you gave me. They accepted it
and know that I came from you, and they believe you sent me” (John 17:7–8 NLT).
When leaders fail to take the time and effort to ensure that what they have in mind
is understood and accepted, they leave themselves open to frustration, an
unfulfilled mission, and bewildered and discouraged followers.
It is profoundly significant that the last lesson Jesus taught His disciples on the
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night of His betrayal was the same one He began with—what it means to be a
servant leader. In Luke 22 we read:
[Jesus] took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to [the disciples in the
upper room], saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of
me.”
In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the
new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.” . . .
A dispute also arose among them as to which of them was considered to be
greatest. Jesus said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and
those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors. But you are
not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest,
and the one who rules like the one who serves.” (vv. 19–20, 24–26)
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Think about the depth of character and the patient love Jesus displayed in
that intense moment with His disciples, who within hours would abandon
and deny Him. Jesus did not despair over their slowness to grasp what He
had repeatedly taught them about leadership. Instead, as the ultimate
Servant Leader, Jesus provided what the disciples needed most to develop
in their ability to fulfill their mission, and that meant teaching them about
servant leadership one more time.
Jesus also felt responsible for the ongoing protection of His followers
as, for the last time before His death, He inspired and equipped them for
their mission. He told His Father, “While I was with them, I protected
them and kept them safe by that name you gave me. None has been lost
except the one doomed to destruction so that Scripture would be
fulfilled” (John 17:12).
The more difficult and perilous the journey, the more willing leaders must be to
maintain constant vigilance regarding the health and safety of their followers. This
attentiveness can mean making sure they are properly trained and equipped for
their mission. It can mean providing a clear set of operating values and then
modeling how to use them as a guide in making decisions when the leader is not
there. A leader’s vigilance can mean standing up for followers in the face of
opposition or unjustified criticism. It can also mean being a good guardian of their
trust by telling them the truth and being willing to serve them in areas they are not
yet able to tackle on their own. Finally, in Jesus’ case, as the Good Shepherd of His
followers, Jesus laid down His life so that none might perish (John 10:11, 28).
Looking beyond His time of earthly leadership, Jesus sought to provide for His
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followers, who would continue to implement the mission He had called them to
fulfill. On the last night of His ministry on earth, Jesus prayed:
“Now I am departing from the world; they are staying in this world, but I am
coming to you. Holy Father, you have given me your name; now protect them
by the power of your name so that they will be united just as we are. . . . I’m not
asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil
one.” (John 17:11, 15 NLT)
A truly great and enduring vision will extend beyond an individual’s season of
leadership. Ideally, a leader seeks to send out the next generation of leaders to meet
the challenges of their own season with all the wisdom, knowledge, and spiritual
resources the leader can provide them. That is the fruit of great leadership.
Therefore, it is of the greatest significance and encouragement that the prayer
Jesus offered on behalf of His first disciples, He offered as well for those who
would come after them—including those of us who follow Him today: “My prayer
is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their
message” (John 17:20).
The “tyranny of the or” suggests that you, as a leader, have to choose results or
people. Yet Jesus modeled a “both/and” approach. In His daily interactions, Jesus
elevated the growth and development of people to the status of an end goal that
was every bit as important as other results. Jesus did exactly what His Father called
Him to do, and He also focused on the development of the people around Him.
And, true to His compelling vision, Jesus glorified God as He did both.
In your own season of leadership, you are called to engage in the same dual
purpose. Your family, organization, community, or office needs to accomplish
certain things. That’s one purpose. Following Jesus and leading as He led is
another: you are serving a higher purpose and being held accountable to a higher
standard, and neither may be universally understood or applauded. At the same
time that you attend to the tasks at hand, you will do as Jesus did and focus on
serving people by helping them grow and develop.
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CREATING A COMPELLING
TEAM/ORGANIZATIONAL VISION
Jesus came to [the disciples] and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has
been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them
in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching
them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you
always, to the very end of the age.”
Matthew 28:18–20
While it’s important for you to have a personal compelling vision that tells you
who you are (your purpose), where you are going (your picture of the future), and
what will guide your journey (your values), it is also important to create such a
vision for the teams and organizations you lead.
The focus of leading a team is developing a sense of community and
emphasizing that none of us is as smart as all of us. Organizational leadership is
more complicated, because you are leading a number of teams or divisions, and the
focus is on developing a culture—a pattern of behavior that reflects your approach
to your business. Every organization has a culture. If you don’t create one that
facilitates what you want to accomplish, a culture will develop on its own and
could become dysfunctional or work against your purposes.
When we mention that leaders are meant to serve rather than to be served,
people often think it means that the leader is trying to please everyone. Yet that is
not at all what Jesus means by servant leadership. Did Jesus try to please
everyone? When He washed the feet of the disciples and sent them out as His
ambassadors, was He commissioning them to do whatever the people wanted them
to do? Of course the answer to both those questions is no.
Jesus was completely focused on pleasing His Father, who truly was His
Audience of One. And pleasing the Father meant proclaiming the gospel and dying
on the cross in order to bring salvation to humankind. Jesus sent His disciples to
help people understand the good news and then live according to the values of
God’s kingdom, not just do whatever they wanted. Jesus made it very clear that
what He was asking His followers to do, in His name, would not please everyone.
Jesus told the disciples up front that they would be subject to all kinds of resistance
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and persecution for telling people the truths that they did not want to hear.
THE TWO ROLES OF LEADERSHIP
People skeptical about our approach to great leadership contend that the words
servant and leader don’t go together. How can a person both lead and serve?
People who think that way don’t understand the two parts to the great leadership
that Jesus exemplified:
1. The visionary role—setting the course and the destination—is the leadership
aspect.
2. The implementation role—doing things the right way with a focus on serving
—is the servant aspect.
Some people think leadership is about vision while management is about
implementation, but when such a distinction is made, management seems to get a
second-class status. We prefer not to distinguish between the two because we
consider both to be important leadership roles.
Our point of view is that vision and implementation are two sides of the same
coin and are therefore equally important. To maximize results for everyone
concerned, you must lead by setting the course and direction, and then flip the coin
and serve by empowering and supporting others in implementation.
THE LEADERSHIP ASPECT OF GREAT
LEADERSHIP
Effective leadership begins with a clear vision. If your followers don’t know where
you are going or where you are trying to take them, they will have a hard time
getting there. In the classic story Alice in Wonderland, Alice learned this lesson
when she came to a fork in the road. She asked the Cheshire cat which way she
should go. When he asked where she was going, Alice replied that she didn’t
know. The cat concluded matter-of-factly, “Then it doesn’t matter which way you
go.”
1 Without clear direction, leadership doesn’t matter.
A compelling vision provides clear direction and focuses everyone’s energy on
getting where they are headed. As we said in the introduction to this section, a
compelling vision has three parts:
1. Your purpose. Who are you? What business are you in? What is your family
all about?
2. Your picture of the future. Where are you going? What will your future look
like if you are living out your purpose?
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3. Your values. What will guide your journey? What do you stand for? On what
principles will you make decisions?
DEVELOPING A COMPELLING VISION
Your Purpose
What business are you in? What are you trying to accomplish? What is your
mission statement? Jesus was clear about what business He and His disciples were
in. He called His disciples, not just to become fishermen, but to a greater purpose
—to become fishers of men.
An effective mission statement should express a higher purpose for the greater
good and give meaning to the efforts of each individual in your organization. When
Walt Disney started his theme parks, he knew how to excite people. You could say
Disney was, and still is, in the happiness business. Wouldn’t you rather be in the
happiness business than the theme park business? Being in the happiness business
drives everything Disney’s cast members (employees) do with and for their guests
(customers).
Even if an organization states its mission, if that statement does not support a
higher purpose, it will not motivate people. For instance, one congregation said
they wanted to be a twenty-four-hour-a-day church. They had a nice facility, and
they wanted to keep the rooms busy. But attendance went down because the
mission wasn’t something the people got excited about. Your purpose needs to
inspire people.
At another church, the purpose is more inspiring to the congregation. At the
beginning of every service, the minister says, “We believe that a close encounter
with Jesus of Nazareth can transform lives. Our mission is to make Jesus smile.”
Backing up that statement are clear theological values. Attendance has gone up.
It’s a place where a community comes together with the main purpose of making
Jesus smile.
A clear purpose tells you what business you are in. At the Lead Like Jesus
ministry, our purpose is “to glorify God by inspiring and equipping people to lead
like Jesus.” If your organization does not have a clear purpose, if your mission
statement is not worded so that everyone understands it, or if people are not excited
about your mission statement, your organization or family will begin to lose its
way. As the Bible says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish” (Proverbs
29:18 KJV). In other words, without guidance from God, law and order disappear.
Without vision, the people perish.
Your Picture of the Future
The second element of a compelling vision is your picture of the future, of
where you are going. What will the future look like for your team or organization if
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things run according to your plan?
Jesus outlined His picture of the future for His disciples when He charged
them, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name
of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey
everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very
end of the age” (Matthew 28:19–20).
Walt Disney’s picture of the future was that guests should have the same smile
on their faces when they leave the park as when they entered. After all, when
you’re in the happiness business, you want to keep people smiling.
The picture of the future that Doug Erickson, of Hastings Automotive in
Hastings, Minnesota, had is that his business would truly honor God and that other
people would grow beside him. He says, “We’ve held [six Lead Like Jesus]
Encounters, and we continue to use the principles of Lead Like Jesus. I never saw
this in my vision, but God continues to do His thing. . . . We’re watching
transformation. When you open the door and let God in, wild and crazy things can
happen. . . . Jesus is making miracles happen here!”
Your picture of the future is what you would like to happen if you live
according to your purpose and everything goes well. Do you have a clear picture of
the future? What does a good job look like? What will the future look like if events
unfold as planned? Providing specific answers to these questions is important both
to your people and to your organization.
When Warden Burl Cain assumed leadership responsibility for the Louisiana
State Penitentiary at Angola, it was known as the bloodiest prison in the country.
The largest maximum-security prison in the United States, it covers an area larger
than the island of Manhattan and houses more than 5,100 men whose average
sentence is eighty years. Warden Cain’s picture of the future was that the culture in
Angola would be transformed from one of violence to one of peace. As he
explained, five things were needed to accomplish his vision: decent food, good
medical care, meaningful work, significant pastimes, and the opportunity for moral
rehabilitation.
2 The last element required access to faith-based resources and
training.
Part of a compelling vision is a view of the future that inspires passion and,
when communicated, builds commitment for the long haul. As a result of Cain’s
vision, some of the inmates expressed the desire to become godly fathers despite
their incarceration. To meet this desire, the Malachi Dads program was created.
The theme of Malachi Dads is Malachi 4:6: “He will turn the hearts of the [fathers]
to their children, and the hearts of the children to their [fathers].”
It is a startling fact that more than two million children in the United States
have at least one parent who is incarcerated, and these children are seven times
more likely than their peers to end up in prison.
3 The goal of Malachi Dads is to
reverse this trend within the families of inmates.
The Malachi Dads have used Lead Like Jesus as an integral part of the
leadership training element of their two-year curriculum. In 2013, Phil traveled to
the prison to witness the graduation of several Malachi Dads from the New Orleans
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Baptist Theological Seminary. One of these men is now serving as an inmate
missionary in another prison. It’s amazing what can be accomplished in the lives of
many when even just one leader is committed to God’s vision.
At the Lead Like Jesus ministry, our picture of the future is that someday
everyone, everywhere will be impacted by someone who leads like Jesus. To
accomplish that, we envision the following:
1. Jesus is adopted as the role model for all leaders.
2. All people are being drawn to Jesus by the positive impact of Christians
leading like Jesus.
This kind of picture of the future keeps people going when times are tough and
prevents the organization from stopping short or arriving at the wrong destination.
In every picture of the future, it is important to distinguish between goals and
vision. A goal is a specific event that, once achieved, becomes a piece of the
organization’s history and, as such, is superseded by a new goal. In contrast, a
vision is an ongoing, evolving, hope-filled look into the future that excites people
even though they know they will never see its complete fulfillment.
In 1961 President John F. Kennedy challenged the American people with the
goal of putting a man on the moon and returning him home safely by the end of the
decade. When the moon landing was accomplished, NASA lost its purpose until it
established a new goal.
In 1963 Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. challenged America to pursue a vision in
his “I Have a Dream” speech. He painted a verbal picture of a spiritually
transformed nation. More than forty years after his assassination, Dr. King’s vision
continues to stir passion and commitment.
Throughout His ministry, Jesus continually talked about the kingdom of God—
its values, teachings, parables, miracles, and final fulfillment. He gave the disciples
a clear picture of the future, and they committed themselves to that future—just as
Christians do today.
Your Values
The third element of a compelling vision is values—those intangibles that will
guide your journey and govern how you want people to behave in your
organization. From our experience, very few organizations around the world have
clearly defined values written down for their members.
Many companies that have spelled out their values either have too many values
or do not have their values ranked. Why is it important to state and prioritize your
values? Because when conflicts arise, people need to know which values are most
important. Without guidelines, people do their own prioritizing, and that may lead
them away from fulfilling the desired organizational purpose and picture of the
future.
As we identify and prioritize our own values, it is important to know and
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understand what Jesus set before us as His nonnegotiable priorities. When, for
instance, the Pharisees sought to test Jesus with the question “Teacher, which is the
greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied, “ ‘Love the Lord your God with
all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and
greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as
yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments”
(Matthew 22:36–40).
Notice that Jesus rank-ordered two values:
1. Love God with all your heart, soul, and mind.
2. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Even if they are rank-ordered, however, values will not drive the
accomplishment of a purpose or picture of the future unless they are translated into
behaviors. That’s what Jesus did throughout His three-year public ministry.
Clarifying how values are lived out in behavioral terms allows for accountability
and the measurement of progress.
Walt Disney seemed to sense the importance of having only a few values and
rank-ordering them when he prioritized his organization’s four operating values,
which Disney identifies as its “quality standards”: safety, courtesy, the show, and
efficiency.
4 Most people, when they think about Disney, would probably put
courtesy as the number one value, followed by efficiency, because they think that
making money would be next in importance. Then safety might be third and the
show, fourth.
Actually, Disney’s first priority is safety. “Ahead of courtesy?” you ask. Yes,
because leaders realized that if guests were to leave the park on a stretcher, they
would not have the same smiles on their faces leaving the park as they had when
entering the park. When you reflect on the fact that Disney employees are in the
happiness business, this ranking makes sense.
Imagine that a cast member (Disney employee) is enjoying a conversation with
a guest when they hear a scream. To follow Disney’s values, the cast member will
excuse himself immediately and focus on the number one value—safety. If these
values were not rank-ordered, the cast member might say, “People are always
yelling in the park,” and then continue talking to the guest. A manager might
confront the cast member by saying, “You were closest to the scream. Why didn’t
you react?” The cast member could respond, “I was being courteous.” Cast
members know that safety takes precedence over courtesy.
Why is it important to know that efficiency—having a well-run and profitable
organization—is ranked fourth? First of all, it indicates that efficiency is indeed a
value. But, second, because it is ranked fourth, Disney employees who are
following their company’s values will do nothing to save money if it compromises
safety, courtesy, or the show. These three values are all ranked higher than
efficiency.
At the Lead Like Jesus ministry, we have established these as our rank-ordered
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values:
1. Glorify God in all we do.
2. Honor Jesus as the greatest leadership role model of all time.
3. Build relationships based on trust and respect.
4. Create biblically sound content and teaching.
5. Practice wise stewardship of time, talent, treasure, and influence.
Then each of these values is operationally defined. For example, we will know
that we are glorifying God in all we do when we do the following:
• Give God all the credit.
• Relinquish all problems to His care.
• Seek His face by worshiping together, studying together, and praying
together.
• Love one another as He loves us: we are loving truth tellers, honoring one
another’s commitment to the Lord and encouraging one another’s spiritual
health and well-being.
• Express love to one another through our patience, kindness, generosity,
courtesy, humility, good temper, guilelessness, and sincerity.
• Proceed boldly in living the Lead Like Jesus message in our personal and
professional lives.
True success in leadership depends on how clearly the organization’s values are
defined, ordered, and lived out by the leader.
Everyone is watching. If leaders live their values, then others are ready to
follow suit. Jesus lived His values of love of God and love of His neighbor all the
way to the cross: “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for
one’s friends” (John 15:13).
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Imagine you were being interviewed by your ten-year-old daughter, and
she asked you the following questions:
• “Why are we called a family?”
• “If we were considered a really good family, how could we tell?”
• “What are the four most important values in our family?”
What would your answers be?
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MAKING TOUGH VALUE CHOICES
Many of us work in organizations that have established—either intentionally or by
default—a set of operating values. Conflicts between these organizational values
and someone’s personal values are a reality. What do you do when the values of
the organization do not align with your own? You may realize this only over time
as you notice gaps between the established purpose and values and what is acted
out on a day-to-day basis. You are faced with a choice: you can stay and
compromise your values, you can stay and seek to be an active influence for
change in the organization, or you can leave.
Leading like Jesus means not letting the organization change your values or
force you to compromise them. If the temptation to compromise your values does
arise, it is likely to stem from EGO issues—particularly toxic fears, such as fear of
rejection, fear of poverty, fear of ridicule, fear of confrontation, or fear of lost
position. Jesus dealt with this dynamic of choice when He spoke of the
impossibility of serving two masters at the same time: “No one can serve two
masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to
the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money” (Luke
16:13).
Jesus posed the ultimate challenge for His followers when He spelled out the
long-range price of compromise: “What good is it for someone to gain the whole
world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?” (Luke 9:25). Jesus also told us that
we can trust in His promise never to leave us alone or outside the range of His care
and concern for us.
Leading like Jesus means you may have to make a choice to be an agent of
change or to seek an environment more aligned with your values. The appropriate
response for your circumstances will depend on what God has in mind for you.
Life and leadership are all about choices. Choices are made based on your
values. You are in fact a monument to the choices you have made over the course
of your life. If you want to change your life, embrace the values of Jesus, the
Servant Leader.
ESTABLISHING GOALS
Once your vision is set, you can then establish goals to answer the question What
do you want people to focus on now? A compelling vision gives goals real
significance.
As we said earlier, don’t have more than three to five main goals. This way you
will be able to focus on the goals you think will make the biggest difference in
fulfilling your vision.
An important part of goal setting is making sure everyone knows what good
behavior looks like. Anyone who has attempted to get a teenager to pick up his or
her room knows the general instruction “Clean up your room” is not effective.
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When you go back two hours later, the teen is standing proudly in the middle of a
four-foot-square clean zone surrounded by undisturbed chaos, claiming proudly to
have done what you asked.
Sometimes in the haste of the moment, leaders conclude for the sake of
personal convenience that they have been perfectly clear about what they want in
their initial instructions, and then hold their listeners accountable for perfect
comprehension, perfect retention, and perfect execution. Serving people well as a
leader means testing for understanding—and repetition, repetition, repetition. Great
leaders almost become like third-grade teachers.
5 They communicate their vision,
values, and goals over and over and over again until people get them right, right,
right!
PAUSE AND REFLECT
What’s your purpose? What is your preferred picture of the future? What
are your values? What are your goals? If you can’t answer those
questions, you don’t have a clear vision. Without a clear vision, the rest of
your leadership skill and effort won’t matter.
As a leader, if you cut people loose without specific directions and
well-understood guidelines, they will lose their way and the organization
will suffer. Guidelines are boundaries that—like riverbanks—channel
energy in a certain direction.
6
If you take away the banks, there won’t be
a river anymore; there will be a large puddle, devoid of momentum and
direction. What keeps the river flowing are its banks.
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20
IMPLEMENTING YOUR
COMPELLING VISION
Jesus replied, “Let us go somewhere else—to the nearby villages—so I can
preach there also. That is why I have come.”
Mark 1:38
The traditional pyramid hierarchy is effective for the visionary aspect of
leadership. People look to the leader for both vision and direction. As the following
diagram suggests, although the leader may involve experienced people in shaping
direction, the ultimate responsibility for establishing a compelling vision remains
with the leader and cannot be delegated. Once the vision is set, the rest of the
organization is expected to be responsive to the vision, to live according to its
guidelines.
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As soon as people clearly understand where you want to take them and why,
the emphasis switches to the second role of leadership: implementation. As the
leader, you now become, in a sense, a servant of the vision: you serve the people
you lead, the people whom you have asked to act according to the vision and to
accomplish the stated goals.
When the leader becomes the servant, as the following diagram suggests, the
traditional pyramid hierarchy must be turned upside down so the frontline people
who are closest to the customers are at the top, where they can be responsible—
able to respond—to their customers. In this scenario, leaders serve: leaders are
responsive to their people’s needs, training and developing them to accomplish
established goals and live according to their vision of the customer experience.
When Jesus washed the feet of His disciples, He was transitioning His focus
from the visionary or leadership role to the implementation or servant role. He
turned the organizational pyramid upside down. In the process, He demonstrated
the true essence of great leadership and challenged His disciples to do the same.
When we talk with leaders and managers about being a serving leader, they
often are concerned about losing their positional power. Notice what Jesus said to
His disciples after He had washed their feet. Jesus reclined at the table and said this
to them:
“Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me
‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for this is what I am. Now that I, your Lord
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and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I
have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.” (John
13:12–15)
Did Jesus imply here that He had lost His positional power? Absolutely not. As
a Jesus-like leader or manager, you still maintain your power, but your
effectiveness soars because you are responding to the needs of your people.
Unfortunately, some managers—in churches as well as businesses—fail to respond
because they are more interested in protecting their positions than in serving
others.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
What an experience that must have been for the disciples as their Lord
and Teacher humbled Himself and performed such a personal and
intimate act of service! Imagine being one of the disciples: having Jesus
wash your feet would have been powerful and humbling.
Now think of your own life. When did someone you know perform an
act of humble leadership? What was the act? What were your thoughts
and feelings as you witnessed this?
As the ultimate Servant Leader, Jesus gave His disciples clear direction before
He sent them out to serve. The vision Jesus cast was clear, and He had heard it
from the top of the hierarchy—His Father. As fishers of men, the disciples were to
“go and make disciples of all nations,” focusing first on loving God and then on
loving their neighbors (Matthew 4:19 ESV; 28:19; 22:37–40). And when it came to
implementing this vision, Jesus wanted the disciples to be servant leaders who
helped others understand and believe the good news that Jesus came to earth, lived,
died, was resurrected, lives in us, and is coming again.
The implementation stage of effective leadership is where most leaders and
organizations get in trouble. They keep the traditional hierarchical pyramid alive
and well, but then all the energy moves away from the customers, up the hierarchy,
because people feel they must please their bosses. The neglected customers are at
the bottom of the pyramid. In an organization like this, as we have said earlier,
self-serving leaders assume that the sheep are there for the benefit of the shepherds.
Jesus spoke against this authoritarian hierarchy when He said, “Not so with you.
Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant”
(Matthew 20:26).
If you don’t turn the pyramid upside down when you start implementing the
vision, you end up with a duck pond. When there is conflict between what the
customer wants and what the boss wants, the boss wins. You have people
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responding to customers like ducks: “It’s our policy.” (Quack, quack.) “Don’t
blame me; I just work here.” (Quack, quack.) “Would you like to speak to my
supervisor?” (Quack, quack.) But when the frontline customer contact people are
treated as responsible owners of the vision, they soar like eagles rather than quack
like ducks.
Jesus was often confronted with quacking Pharisees and synagogue leaders,
who were more interested in protecting rules and regulations than in hearing Jesus’
message of love, grace, and forgiveness. Consider this interaction:
On a Sabbath Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues, and a woman was
there who had been crippled by a spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over
and could not straighten up at all. When
Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, “Woman, you are set
free from your infirmity.” Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she
straightened up and praised God.
Indignant because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath, the synagogue leader
said to the people, “There are six days for work. So come and be healed on those
days, not on the Sabbath.”
The Lord answered him, “You hypocrites! Doesn’t each of you on the
Sabbath untie your ox or donkey from the stall and lead it out to give it water?
Then should not this woman, a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has kept
bound for eighteen long years, be set free on the Sabbath day from what bound
her?” When he said this, all his opponents were humiliated, but the people were
delighted with all the wonderful things he was doing. (Luke 13:10–17)
If you desire to lead like Jesus, being a great servant leader is crucial during
implementation, when your job is to be responsive to your people and to help them
live according to the team or organization’s vision, accomplish its goals, and take
care of its customers.
APPLICATION BEYOND FORMAL
ORGANIZATIONS
While we have focused on the two roles of great leadership in a formal
organizational context, we want to be clear that these same two aspects of
leadership play out in your life role leadership position in your family, church, or
volunteer organization. For example, in a family, the parents are responsible for
setting the vision and establishing the goals for the family. As the kids get older,
they can become involved in this process, but initially and ultimately it is the
parents’ responsibility to provide the visionary aspect of great leadership.
Unfortunately, many parents do not focus much attention on defining a
compelling vision for their family that every member can understand. As a result,
kids learn more about what not to do than about how to do the right thing in the
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right way. A great source of frustration in families is what we call bring-me-a-rock
syndrome. It occurs when parents issue a nonspecific instruction like “Bring me a
rock” but fail to test for understanding, and then become annoyed when the results
don’t meet their expectations. Implementation can only be effective if the
important visionary work and goal setting are done first and communicated clearly.
Only then can parents move to the bottom of the hierarchy and serve the family as,
together, they pursue the vision.
For those who follow Jesus of Nazareth, the command for each and every
person has been established by the Father and clearly communicated to all His
children: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and
with all your mind and with all your strength” and “Love your neighbor as
yourself” (Mark 12:30–31).
In the realm of family relationships, leading like Jesus means your vision is
committed service in the best interest of every family member. Committed service
does not selfishly exploit a person’s weaknesses and shortcomings but seeks to
encourage the best in each member of the family.
THE VISION OF GREAT LEADERSHIP
When Ken was a college professor, he would be in trouble with the faculty when
he gave out the final exam questions on the first day of class—and he did so every
semester. When the faculty found out, they asked Ken, “What are you doing?”
He calmly responded, “I thought we were supposed to teach these students.”
“We are—but we don’t give them the final exam ahead of time!”
Ken continued: “Not only will I give them the final exam ahead of time, but
throughout the semester I’ll teach them the answers to the exam questions so that
when they get to the final, they’ll get As.”
Ken still feels strongly that life is about helping people get As, not forcing them
into a normal distribution curve. Did Jesus believe in a normal distribution curve?
Absolutely not! In the Great Commission, when He sent His disciples out into the
world, He said to them, “Make disciples of all nations” (Matthew 28:19). He
wanted everyone to become part of God’s family.
Bob Buford, founder of Leadership Network and author of the book Halftime,
believes that all of us who name Jesus as Lord are going to face a “final exam”
when we stand before God at the end of our lives. According to Buford, the two
questions on God’s final exam will be What did you do with Jesus? and What did
you do with the resources you were given in life?
1
When you know the questions ahead of time, there is no excuse not to get an A.
Most teachers have their students guess what will be on the final exam. Not so with
Jesus. He was clear about the final exam and ready to help His followers get the
right answers. He wants everyone to get an A.
Jesus said, “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve” (Matthew
20:28). What did He come to serve? Jesus came to serve the people and prepare
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them to go out and share the news of forgiveness and salvation.
Chuck Colson, founder of Prison Fellowship, once preceded Ken at a
conference and pointed out in his speech, “All the kings and queens in history sent
their people out to die for them. I only know one King who decided to die for His
people.” And dying on our behalf is the ultimate in servant leadership. Jesus isn’t
asking us to literally die for people, but He is saying, “Not so with you,” regarding
the world’s traditional leadership (Matthew 20:26). Jesus mandates that we
establish clear visions for our organizations, visions that will in one way or another
shine His light into this dark world.
The vision has to be something bigger than you, bigger than the company, the
organization, or the church. Once that vision is defined, the Lord mandates servant
leadership that helps people live according to that vision.
When we put the heart and the head together in a Lead Like Jesus perspective,
other people become more important to us, and we take a backseat. Jesus knew His
people intimately, and He equipped them to be competent and confident servant
leaders. Jesus was also the preeminent spokesperson for God’s vision—the
purpose, the picture of the future, and the values that God created us to live out and
fulfill. Turning a vision into reality requires leaders who have servant hearts and a
strategy for both developing and empowering others to live according to the Lord’s
established vision, values, and goals.
Jesus was clear about why He came (to die on the cross as payment for our
sins), what the good news was (Jesus defeated sin and death: we can be forgiven
and enjoy eternal life with Him), and what He wanted people to do (name Jesus as
Savior and Lord—and then share the news of His victory, His love, and His
promises). Jesus also modeled great leadership—servant leadership—that others
may benefit from, learn from, and emulate.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Think for a moment about how well you serve those around you. Do you
help your people pass the final exam? Do you help them live according to
the Lord’s, the church’s, the organization’s, or the company’s vision?
Leadership is not about power. It’s not about control. It’s about helping
people live according to the vision.
Now we are ready to address the next domain of great leadership. We will
examine the hands—the public leadership behavior—of a great leader in the next
section.
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PART V
THE HANDS OF A GREAT LEADER
“Whoever wants to be first must be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not
come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Matthew 20:27–28
We believe great leadership—servant leadership—is an inside-out job that begins
with this key question: Are you here on earth to serve or to be served? Answering
this question involves your head: in your mind you formulate your beliefs about
leadership. However, people won’t have a clue what those beliefs are until you
start to do something.
GREAT LEADERS INSPIRE GREATNESS
IN OTHERS
Hands provide a powerful symbol of the doing aspect of leading like Jesus. The
Bible is filled with vivid images of Jesus’ hands at work. With His hands, Jesus
healed the sick, cleansed lepers, fed the hungry, overturned the tables of the money
changers, washed the feet of His closest disciples, and hung from a cross to save
sinful human beings. With His hands, Jesus rescued the fearful, reassured the
doubting, restored the fallen, and beckoned the already occupied to a higher calling
and a special personal relationship with Him.
As varied as the work of Jesus’ hands was, it was always motivated by the
same purpose: to point people to the holy and loving God; to help them recognize
their sin; and to encourage them to name Jesus as their Savior and Lord, to know
His love, His forgiveness, and eternal life. Jesus’ servant leadership was grounded
in the grace He extended to those He called to follow Him. He accepted people
where they were, regardless of their past behavior and their sin. He committed
Himself to their spiritual growth and the fulfillment of their highest purpose. As
Jesus glorified God in His life, He got His hands dirty. In fact, He went beyond
merely proclaiming what others should do to yield to God as Lord, to die to self,
and to serve others; He demonstrated with His very life His willingness to serve.
At the end of His season of earthly leadership, Jesus summed up the work of
His hands in His prayer to His Father: “I have brought you glory on earth by
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finishing the work you gave me to do” (John 17:4). That work included teaching
His disciples His message of grace, forgiveness, hope, and eternal life until they
fully understood; protecting them from both external dangers and internal
weaknesses; promoting unity and loving community; and preparing and equipping
them to continue the work that He began in them.
In the next section we will show you how to become the servant leader Jesus
wants you to be: you will learn what it takes to be a performance coach who
produces great results and helps others find great human satisfaction. What
distinguishes leading like Jesus from the philosophies of other performance
management systems you might follow is the focus on helping people you interact
with at home, at work, and in your community know the very real love of Jesus.
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THE LEADER AS A PERFORMANCE
COACH
[Jesus] said to [Simon and Andrew], “Follow me, and I will make you
fishers of men.”
Matthew 4:19 ESV
An effective Jesus-like leader acts as a performance coach. An essential duty of
servant leaders is their ongoing investment in the lives of their followers.
Jesus was the preeminent performance coach, and He changed His leadership
style appropriately as His disciples developed individually and as a group. When
Jesus called His disciples to follow Him, He pledged them His full support and
guidance as they became fishers of men. Jesus also empowered His followers to
carry on the work of sharing the salvation message after He was gone. Through His
hands—His effectiveness as a Servant Leader—Jesus was able to communicate to
His disciples what was in His heart and His head about servant leadership.
So what does being a performance coach involve? These are the three basic
components: performance planning, day-to-day coaching, and performance
evaluation. Performance planning is the leadership aspect of servant leadership:
providing direction and setting goals. Day-to-day coaching focuses on the servant
aspect of servant leadership. That involves helping people win—accomplish their
goals—by observing their performance, praising their progress, and redirecting
their efforts when necessary. The third part of performance coaching is
performance evaluation: servant leaders sit down with people and evaluate their
performance over time.
Which of these three leadership activities do you think gets most of a
manager’s attention? Most people guess performance evaluation—and, sadly, that
is the truth.
Yet performance evaluation is often a flawed practice. If leaders rate all their
people high, they would be accused of being too easy, and they themselves would
be rated low. As a result, the normal distribution curve is alive and well. Managers
are expected to rate only a few people high, a few people low, and the rest as
average performers. When we ask managers, “How many of you go out and hire
losers so you can fill the low spots?” everyone laughs. Of course leaders hire either
winners—people who already have a good track record in what the managers want
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them to do—or potential winners—people who the managers think can become
winners with proper coaching. Managers don’t hire losers. Why, then, do leaders
have to give a certain number of people low ratings?
In Ken’s teaching example, performance planning means giving people the
final exam ahead of time. In this goal-setting stage of performance coaching, the
traditional hierarchical pyramid can stay upright: if there is a disagreement over
goals, the leader wins because he or she represents the organizational goals.
When Moses went to the top of the mountain to get the Ten Commandments,
he didn’t take a committee with him. Otherwise, he would have come down with
three commandments and seven suggestions. Similarly, Jesus didn’t involve His
disciples much in formulating the goals He came to accomplish. He had received
those from the top of the organizational hierarchy—from His Father.
These two examples, however, do not mean that in our work in the home,
community, and office we shouldn’t involve others in setting goals. You certainly
can collaborate at work, with experienced people, and at home when the kids get
older. When goals are established, though, the organizational or life role leader is
responsible for making sure the direction is clear. In their life role leadership in a
family, parents have to take responsibility for setting goals and objectives. We all
remember times when we would say to our mothers, “All the other kids are doing
it.” If your mother was like Ken’s, her response was always quick: “That’s because
their name isn’t Blanchard.” Our parents were in charge of performance planning
for us, their kids.
We can’t emphasize enough the importance of clarity of purpose in the
performance planning role of a servant leader. If there is not clear communication
of what a good job will look like when it is accomplished, somebody will end up
frustrated—the leader, the follower, or both.
Some organizations do a good job of performance planning. Unfortunately,
after goals are set and distributed, they often are filed away and forgotten until it’s
time for managers to evaluate their people’s performances. Then everyone runs
around frantically, trying to find the goals. To avoid this situation, leaders must
engage in the most important element of servant leadership—day-to-day coaching
—in which servant leaders help people reach their goals.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Think back to a time when you were involved in a failure in
communication resulting in a vast difference between what was expected
and what was delivered. Recall the frustration and wasted energy that
could have been avoided by initially testing for understanding.
When it comes to day-to-day coaching, the pyramidal hierarchy turns upside
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down, and servant leaders begin to work for their people. Now that the goals are
clear, this aspect of being a performance coach is about teaching people the right
answers—in other words, helping them accomplish their goals—so that when they
get their performance review, it really will be a review. This principle also holds
true in the family: after family goals are established and communicated, parents
can serve their kids by being their cheerleaders, encouragers, and supporters as
they work to accomplish their goals.
Whether organizational or life role leaders, servant leaders are all about helping
people get As. Servant leaders aren’t threatened by people around them who
perform well, because their confidence is secure in the unconditional love of God.
Being rooted in God’s love permits servant leaders to see and respond to the
success of others in a different way: they celebrate it rather than fear it.
A perfect example of someone who helps people get As is Garry Ridge,
president and CEO of WD-40 Company. After Garry heard about Ken giving his
students the final exam questions at the beginning of the semester, he decided to
implement the “Don’t Mark My Paper; Help Me Get an A” philosophy for his
company’s performance review system, because that philosophy aligned with
Garry’s beliefs about leading and motivating people.
At WD-40, every manager meets with each direct report annually to discuss the
essential responsibilities set forth in that person’s job description. Their discussion
begins with the question “Is this still what you understand your job to be?” Once
both parties are clear on the essential functions of the job, they work together to
establish three to five observable, measurable goals for the coming year. This
partnership aligns and clarifies expectations for both parties. Next comes day-today coaching—a key step in the process. The leaders continually diagnose their
direct reports’ development level for each goal and adjust their leadership styles to
ensure they are giving the direct reports the appropriate amount of direction and
support. If people attain their goals at the end of the year and live the company
values as they do so, they will get an A.
When managers have come to Garry to tell him someone isn’t working out and
needs to be fired, Garry’s first question is “What did you do to help that person get
an A?” If the manager can’t document the “Don’t Mark My Paper” process, it’s
likely that Garry will fire the manager rather than the direct report. He has had to
do that only a few times. Now managers all understand that their major role at
WD-40 is to help people get As. Not only do the direct reports win, but so do the
managers and the company.
Has this kind of performance planning and day-to-day coaching made a
difference? In the last several years, WD-40 has had the highest stock price in
company history. In its most recent employee satisfaction survey, filled out by 98
percent of the employees, the highest-rated statement was “I am proud to tell
people I work for WD-40.” Do you think the employees respond that way just
because of their job responsibilities, or is it because they are in a work environment
that makes people feel good about being involved? What a great example of how to
achieve both great results and human satisfaction!
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PAUSE AND REFLECT
In this chapter, the emphasis has been on helping people become high
performers. But leading like Jesus is much more than that. To Jesus,
getting an A is beyond doing or performing. It is about being a person
who models His character by serving others from a loving heart yielded to
Him.
Read 1 Corinthians 13 and reflect on doing without being. The math
is pretty simple: Everything – Love = Nothing!
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THE WORK OF THE CARPENTER
“Isn’t this the carpenter’s son? Isn’t his mother’s name Mary, and aren’t his
brothers James, Joseph, Simon and Judas?”
Matthew 13:55
Nothing about the life of Jesus was random or purposeless. His birth, death, and
resurrection fulfilled messianic prophecy and thereby testified to a divine and
perfectly executed plan. And, as with every aspect of His life, it was not by chance
that Jesus spent thirty years in obscurity, learning all that God wanted Him to know
while working as a carpenter. Evangelist Henry Drummond said, “What was Jesus
doing in the carpenter’s shop? Practicing.”
1
What was the significance of this season of practice and preparation? In what
ways did working as a carpenter help prepare Jesus for His role as Messiah and,
among other roles, performance coach?
We sought similarities between the work of a good carpenter and the work of a
good leader, similarities that we could learn from and apply to our own leadership.
Here is what we discovered:
• Good carpenters and good leaders must be able to envision something that does
not yet exist and then commit to do what it takes to create it. Good leaders must
have a compelling vision that they are passionate about and that provides
direction for those who follow.
Application: Have you established a clear direction for your people? Do
they understand what business the company is in (the purpose), where it is
headed (the picture of the future), and what will guide the journey (the
organization’s values)? Have you established goals? Have you communicated
clearly enough that people know what to focus on right now?
• Good carpenters and good leaders must be good judges of raw material.
Application: The raw materials of leadership are people; therefore, good
leaders must be able to assess both the current condition and the future
potential of their people. How well do you know the people you lead? When
was the last time you consciously updated your knowledge of them? It is easy
and often convenient to operate under outdated assumptions about people, to
instead focus time and energy on immediate concerns despite their short-term
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results. Investing regularly in your people, however, will have long-term
positive results.
Also, the longer you rely on assumptions about people, the more prone you
are to becoming isolated from the truth about them and ineffective in your
leadership. What are some of the assumptions you have that, if inaccurate,
could harm your working relationship?
• Good carpenters and good leaders must consider the cost before the work
begins. Good leaders are realistic about the price of success, and they
themselves must be willing to pay it, in full, before asking others to do the same.
Application: Jesus never downplayed the cost of following His leadership:
He talked about dying to self, picking up a cross, and being persecuted. In His
own acts of sacrifice and obedience, Jesus demonstrated His willingness to pay
the price. Good leaders never ask anyone to do something they are not willing
to do themselves.
• Good carpenters and good leaders have a carefully defined plan for producing
specific results. A good leader serves the mission and values of the organization
by focusing the means, materials, efforts, and development of people on the
achievement of a specific goal and the fulfillment of a clearly communicated
purpose.
Application: The plan Jesus has for producing the highest good remains the
same two thousand years after He walked this earth: transform, inspire, and
equip people to go forth into the world in His name, guided in love by the Holy
Spirit, to make disciples of all nations.
• Good carpenters and good leaders apply accurate measurements and standards
of success to their work. Good leaders accept responsibility for setting standards
that reflect a balance between producing practical results and building healthy
relationships.
Application: For Jesus, the measurement of His success was both to glorify
His Father and to obey His Father’s will. Public perception of leadership
performance does not tell the whole story: few would have seen a man hanging
on a Roman cross as the supreme example of servant leadership. A true test of
leadership, however, is the impact the leader has on the spiritual well-being of
those he or she influences.
The standard to which Jesus calls all His followers in the relationships they
have with one another is their relationship with Him yesterday, today, and
forever: “Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one
another” (John 13:34).
• Good carpenters and good leaders must be able to master the use of a variety of
tools and know when and how to apply them to get the best results.
Application: A good performance coach realizes that people are not all at
the same level of development. Some need a lot of direction, others need a lot
of support, and still others need both direction and support.
• Good carpenters and good leaders must be willing to be both lifelong learners
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and lifelong teachers.
Application: Leaders who maintain a teachable spirit and stay alert to
changing times and conditions will also maintain their effectiveness in guiding
others. The resource Jesus provides to all His followers is access to the
indwelling and counsel of the Holy Spirit. The challenge to all who lead in the
name of Jesus is this: Are you willing to listen and learn?
• Good carpenters and good leaders know when their work is completed.
Application: In John 16:7 Jesus said to His disciples: “It is for your good
that I am going away.” Jesus knew He had completed His season of earthly
leadership, and He commissioned His disciples to carry on His work.
How did Jesus’ leadership of His disciples line up with these insights about
carpentry and leadership? First, Jesus did indeed develop a compelling vision for
His disciples that motivated them after His physical time on earth ended: “The Son
of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for
many” (Matthew 20:28).
Second, Jesus saw beyond current credentials to the long-range potential of
those He called to become fishers of men. Getting to know His people was a key
element of His leadership. Although He spent time teaching crowds of people and
interacting with all sorts of individuals, Jesus spent most of His time with those
who would comprise the next set of leaders in the movement He inspired. The
Bible tells how Jesus walked with them, ate meals with them, and got to know their
strengths, their weaknesses, and their individual personalities. As Jesus learned
about His followers, they learned about Him.
People are not born good carpenters or good leaders. They need someone to
help them grow and develop. Jesus Himself learned carpentry skills from His
earthly father, and He learned to be a Master Carpenter from His heavenly Father.
He also learned leadership skills He would need to develop in His disciples—not to
help them become good carpenters, but to help them become fishers of men.
Our next chapter highlights the fact that leaders are made, not born. It will help
you become an even better performance coach as you learn about the variety of
leadership styles Jesus used to help His disciples accomplish what He was telling
them to do.
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THE WAY OF THE CARPENTER
Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must
deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants
to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find
it.”
Matthew 16:24–25
The big question people ask Lead Like Jesus is, “How do you help people get As?”
In other words, how do you develop people into high performers? For the answer
to that question, we can trace how Jesus transformed His disciples from untrained
novices to masters/teachers and apostles for God’s kingdom. We will also consider
the developmental process that Jesus surely experienced as He learned the
carpenter trade from His earthly father, Joseph.
A FOCUS ON PETER
As we examine how Jesus guided His disciples from call (“Follow me, and I will
make you fishers of men”) to commission (“Go and make disciples of all nations,
baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit”),
we will focus our attention on Jesus’ interactions with Peter. In his wonderful book
Twelve Ordinary Men,
1
John MacArthur provides a compelling case for using the
relationship between Jesus and Peter as an intimate case study of the
transformational journey from call to commission:
Peter’s name is mentioned in the Gospels more than any other name except
Jesus. No one speaks as often as Peter, and no one is spoken to by the Lord as
often as Peter. No disciple is so frequently rebuked by the Lord as Peter; and no
disciple ever rebukes the Lord except Peter (Matthew 16:22). No one else
confessed Christ more boldly or acknowledged His lordship more explicitly; yet
no other disciple ever verbally denied Christ as forcefully or as publicly as Peter
did. No one is praised and blessed by Christ the way Peter was; yet Peter was
also the only one Christ ever addressed as Satan. The Lord had harsher things to
say to Peter than He ever said to any of the others. All of that contributed to
making him the leader Christ wanted him to be.
2
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There is another reason for focusing on Peter: we can see his transformation as
we look at his own words.
At the beginning of his relationship with Jesus, Peter said, “Go away from me,
Lord; I am a sinful man!” (Luke 5:8). During his apprenticeship, Peter challenged
Jesus and was told, “Get behind me, Satan!” (Matthew 16:23).
Shortly after this startling incident, Peter was one of three disciples privileged
to hear the audible voice of God say about Jesus, “This is my Son, whom I love;
with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!” (Matthew 17:5).
After following Jesus for years, Peter said, “I don’t know the man!” (Matthew
26:72).
Later in life Peter wrote: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus
Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the
resurrection of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:3).
As we observe Peter in his transformational journey with Jesus, we see not only
his pride and his fears on display, but his courage and his faith as well. What we
see in Peter will give us an opportunity to examine how Jesus moved him from call
to commission.
THE LEADERSHIP JOURNEY FROM CALL
TO COMMISSION
When Jesus first called the disciples from their ordinary occupations to become
fishers of men, each brought his unique life experiences and skills to this new task
—but absolutely no practical knowledge of how to fill this new role. During their
three years under Jesus’ leadership, the disciples were transformed from untrained
novices to fully equipped, divinely inspired, and spiritually grounded leaders able
to fulfill the Great Commission to go to all nations with the good news of Jesus
Christ’s death, resurrection, and love.
What did Jesus do to facilitate the disciples’ transformation, to move them from
call to commission? Although miracles were involved, the process was not
miraculous. It simply entailed the perfect execution of a process familiar to leaders
personally committed to accomplishing a goal through the growth and
development of those they lead. We believe the experience Jesus had learning the
trade of carpentry provided Him with a practical model for helping people grow
and develop, a model that He used to guide the learning experience of His disciples
and move them from call to commission.
As He learned the carpenter craft, Jesus probably walked through these four
normal stages of learning a new task: novice (someone just starting out),
apprentice (someone in training), journeyman (someone capable of working
independently), and master/teacher (someone highly skilled and able to teach
others). Jesus brought to His leadership a clear, firsthand understanding of the
journey from dependence to independence.
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THE NEEDS OF A NOVICE
Novices are just starting to perform a particular task or to work toward an assigned
goal. They need basic information about what to do, how to do it, when to do it,
where to do it, and why it is important. Novices come in all sizes, shapes, and
attitudes, from enthusiastic beginners excited about the opportunity to reluctant
recruits being forced to learn. Novices also bring different personalities and
learning styles. The one thing novices all have in common is the need for a leader
who welcomes them into the learning process and gives them the information they
need to get started.
Consider the following two examples of novices:
An excited pupil is a fifteen-year-old girl learning to drive. The day she gets
her learner’s permit, she is very enthusiastic, but she has little knowledge about
driving a car. She needs someone to instruct her in the correct sequence of things to
do before she turns on the ignition for her first drive. She doesn’t need much
motivation, because she already has a positive picture of what it will be like when
she can drive herself and her friends anywhere she wants to go.
A reluctant recruit is a fifty-eight-year-old man learning to use a three-legged
cane after suffering a stroke. The day he meets the rehab nurse who will teach him
to walk with a cane, he is filled with anger and embarrassment at having to learn to
do something he has been doing all his life but now has to do in a new and
unattractive way.
Both novices have to follow instructions that may be new or awkward. The
teenager with a glamorized view of driving her friends to the beach the day she
gets her license may be overconfident and impatient with the learning process. The
stroke victim, faced with a new and unappealing view of the future, may bring
resentment and frustration into the learning process. He needs someone to provide
a realistic view of rehabilitation and establish the sequence and the timing of the
steps involved in reaching his goal.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Think of a time when you were an untrained novice facing a new task or
role. What did you need most from someone? Did you get what you
needed? If not, what was the result?
Jesus and Peter the Novice
As [Jesus] walked by the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon who is
called Peter and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea; for they were
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fishermen. And he said to them, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of
men.” Immediately they left their nets and followed him. (Matthew 4:18–20
RSV)
Jesus saw in these hardworking fishermen the raw material for the future
leaders of His ministry, which He would leave in their care when His season of
earthly leadership was completed. In their enthusiasm, Peter and his brother
Andrew literally dropped what they were doing when Jesus called them. Although
he was enthusiastic, Peter had no idea how to accomplish this new task. At this
novice stage of learning, Peter and the other disciples needed Jesus to teach them
about their new work, and Jesus told them what to do and how to do it. When He
sent the disciples out for the first time to preach the good news, for instance, He
gave them extensive basic instructions on where to go, what to say, what to do, and
how to do it:
These twelve Jesus sent out with the following instructions: “Do not go among
the Gentiles or enter any town of the Samaritans. Go rather to the lost sheep of
Israel. As you go, proclaim this message: ‘The kingdom of heaven has come
near.’ Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out
demons. Freely you have received; freely give.
“Do not get any gold or silver or copper to take with you in your belts—no
bag for the journey or extra shirt or sandals or a staff, for the worker is worth his
keep. Whatever town or village you enter, search there for some worthy person
and stay at their house until you leave. As you enter the home, give it your
greeting. If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your
peace return to you. . . . I am sending you out like sheep among wolves.
Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.” (Matthew 10:5–13,
16)
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Too often leaders in churches and other organizations set people up for
failure and disillusionment when they do not respond effectively to the
needs of novices. During this orientation and learning stage, show you
care by providing specific direction to new recruits. Doing so makes a
powerful statement about what you value—your people.
THE NEEDS OF AN APPRENTICE
Apprentices have not yet mastered all the information and skills they need in order
to work independently. They need a performance coach to set goals, provide
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learning opportunities, observe performance, and provide feedback in the form of
praise for progress and redirection when required. Apprentices also need someone
to put their progress in the right perspective so they don’t become overconfident
with early success or discouraged with initial failure.
At the apprentice level, the teenager learning to drive has fastened her seat belt
and started the car. As she pulls out into traffic and is startled by a car that seems to
come out of nowhere, she begins to cry. Her instructor should praise her for
fastening her seat belt and turning on the car correctly, but he also needs her to
repeat back to him how the mirrors are to be adjusted and how she must look both
ways to observe the flow of traffic.
At the apprentice level, the stroke victim learning to walk with a three-legged
cane starts off well enough, but then he becomes frustrated and angry at the fact
that it takes him many minutes to travel a distance he could previously cover in
seconds. The rehab nurse needs to praise him for what he has accomplished so far
and put his rate of progress in perspective even as she directs him to continue to the
other side of the room.
It is vital that leaders provide clear direction and information and that they do
so in a caring manner. Patience is a key aspect of love in action, an aspect essential
to leading people through the apprentice stage. Keep the end result in mind and let
the process of praising people for nearly correct behavior complete its work.
One more thing: the quickest way to stop the learning process is for the leader
to grow impatient. Be obvious about the love you have for your followers, and
always let your desire to lead like Jesus direct your behavior and fuel your
patience.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Think of a time when you needed someone to push you beyond a failure
or an easy early success to get to a higher level of understanding and
performance. Now think of a time when you quit because nobody was
around to help you step up to the next level.
Your direct reports, family members, or volunteers may experience
those same feelings when they confront a task or a goal they failed at
earlier.
What do these scenarios say to you about your role during this phase
of training apprentices?
Jesus and Peter the Apprentice
There was a time during Peter’s apprentice training when he got something
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very right and then followed it up with something very wrong.
In Matthew 16:13–17, we read the following account:
When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples,
“Who do people say the Son of Man is?”
They replied, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others,
Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”
“But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”
Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”
Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not
revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven.”
Then, just four verses later, we read:
From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to
Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, the chief priests and
the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised
to life.
Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This
shall never happen to you!”
Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling
block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human
concerns.” (vv. 21–23)
It is interesting to note that Jesus was teaching Peter in both these instances. In
the first scene the teaching came in the form of high praise for getting something
right (Peter identified Jesus as the Messiah and living God) and a realistic
assessment of how the achievement was accomplished: God the Father had
revealed the truth. In the second incident the teaching was delivered in bold
language (“Get behind me, Satan!”) that highlighted the seriousness of Peter’s
erroneous thinking and behavior that, if repeated, would disqualify the learner.
Despite the high drama of that moment of correction, Peter’s learning process
continued in an even more dramatic fashion six days later.
In Matthew 17:1–9 we read:
After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James,
and led them up a high mountain by themselves. There he was transfigured
before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the
light. Just then there appeared before them Moses and Elijah, talking with Jesus.
Peter said to Jesus, “Lord, it is good for us to be here. If you wish, I will put
up three shelters—one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah.”
While he was still speaking, a bright cloud covered them, and a voice from
the cloud said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.
Listen to him!”
When the disciples heard this, they fell facedown to the ground, terrified.
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But Jesus came and touched them. “Get up,” he said. “Don’t be afraid.” When
they looked up, they saw no one except Jesus.
As they were coming down the mountain, Jesus instructed them, “Don’t tell
anyone what you have seen, until the Son of Man has been raised from the
dead.”
There would be many more dramatic moments in Peter’s transformation—tests
and trials that increased his knowledge of God and strengthened his faith, and
experiences that God used to make him the anointed and effective leader he
became. The constant throughout this transformational process was the loving
commitment of the Leader to His follower during his apprenticeship.
THE NEEDS OF A JOURNEYMAN
It is easy to assume that journeymen—people who have acquired some skills for
performing a task or role—have progressed to a point where all they need from a
leader is to be told when and where to apply their skills. The fact of the matter is
that journeymen may periodically become cautious, lose confidence, or have a
diminished sense of enthusiasm for their jobs. If ignored by inattentive leaders,
journeymen may quietly drift into apathy or retreat from taking risks due to a sense
of lost competence or a weakened connection to their callings.
In addition, journeymen who lose their skills or desire to perform may become
disillusioned critics who poison the attitude of those working around them. Leaders
who ignore the journeymen’s need of appreciation, encouragement, and inspiration
do so at the peril of the organization.
One example of a leader meeting the needs of a journeyman is the parent who
lets the teenager regain her driving privileges after an accident that she admits she
could have avoided.
Similarly, the rehab nurse is meeting the journeyman’s need of encouragement
when she reminds the stroke victim of how far he has come in gaining his new skill
and how proud she is of him as he prepares to use his cane in front of his family
and friends.
Jesus and Peter the Journeyman
Peter exhibited behaviors characteristic of a journeyman when he walked on
water:
When the disciples saw [Jesus] walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a
ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
“Come,” he said.
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Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward
Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried
out, “Lord, save me!” (Matthew 14:26–30)
Peter at this moment is a great illustration of someone capable of performing
the task at hand. It took a tremendous amount of faith for him to step out of the
boat and onto the churning water. So often we focus on Peter’s cry for help that we
forget that Peter actually did walk on water. In fact, he is the only one besides
Jesus who has ever done such a thing. Peter’s problem, though, came when he took
his eyes off Jesus and began to worry about the storm. When Peter’s confidence
moved from high to low, his already demonstrated competence sank into the water
with him.
Even though Peter had demonstrated the ability to walk on water, Jesus was
there to provide the support Peter needed when he started to sink: “Immediately
Jesus reached out his hand and caught [Peter]. ‘You of little faith,’ he said, ‘why
did you doubt?’ And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down” (vv.
31–32).
What can we learn from the response of Jesus as Leader when Peter started to
sink? First, we notice that Jesus acted immediately. He did not let Peter sink into
the water and think about his mistake. Jesus let Peter know immediately that He
was there to help him and support him.
Next, we observe that Jesus “reached out his hand and caught him” (v. 31).
Jesus used a personal touch to save the floundering apostle. Jesus knew that Peter’s
primary need was support, so He used His own hand to save him. Then Jesus
reinforced His continued support of Peter when He said, “You of little faith . . .
why did you doubt?” (v. 31). In other words, Jesus reminded Peter—and us—that
He is always there when His followers need Him.
It is also important to remember that after Jesus caught Peter, they were still
outside the boat. Imagine Jesus wrapping His arms around Peter and walking him
back to safety. Providing support to the people around us is key to their continual
development, whether in the office, the home, or the community.
THE NEEDS OF A MASTER/TEACHER
Masters/teachers have fully developed skills as well as the confidence and
motivation to independently produce excellent results; they also possess the
wisdom and insight necessary to teach others. The masters/teachers you lead need
to be given the opportunity and challenge to pass on what they know to the next
generation of learners—and they need your blessing.
Examples of masters/teachers include the former driving student a few years
later, riding along with her younger brother, who has his learner’s permit, and
educating him on the rules of the road; and the stroke victim, now walking on his
own as he visits the rehab facility to encourage new patients who are on the same
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path to independence that he traveled.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
“Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the
Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey
everything I have commanded you” (Matthew 28:19–20). Commissioning
followers to go and teach others is the highest form of recognition a
teacher can give a student. Fulfilling the commission is the highest
compliment and act of gratitude a student can give a teacher. What are
you doing to pass along to the next generation that which has been given
to you?
Jesus and Peter the Master/Teacher
The disciple’s training was complete, but a final set of questions had to be
answered before this student could be certified as a master/teacher ready to lead
others in the Teacher’s name. Listen to the conversation:
When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John,
do you love me more than these?”
“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”
Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”
The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?”
He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. Very truly I tell you, when you were younger
you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will
stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you
do not want to go.” Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter
would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!” (John 21:15–19)
PAUSE AND REFLECT
The connection between loving God and leading others in His name is
irrefutable. You can’t do one without the other in a way that would honor
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God and provide the best in both results and relationships.
On the last day of His earthly season of growing and developing His disciples,
Jesus had some final instructions before sending them out in His name:
“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and
make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the
Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have
commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
(Matthew 28:18–20)
How successfully Jesus had prepared His disciples for this high calling is
evident when we read about Peter spreading the good news in Acts 2:36–41:
“Therefore let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, whom you
crucified, both Lord and Messiah.”
When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and
the other apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?”
Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of
Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the
Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off
—for all whom the Lord our God will call.”
With many other words he warned them; and he pleaded with them, “Save
yourselves from this corrupt generation.” Those who accepted his message were
baptized, and about three thousand were added to their number that day.
We can look at Peter here and see how, under Jesus’ mentoring, he had been
moved from call to commission. He demonstrated his ability as a master/teacher
when he spoke to a crowd of thousands, and three thousand people chose to be
baptized that day. Peter had the knowledge he needed to effectively share the
message of Jesus, and he also exhibited a high level of commitment as a
master/teacher. Notice the boldness and authority with which Peter shared the
message of Jesus. He truly was a fisher of men.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
What is your desire for the people who look to you for leadership? More
specifically, what do you want to be able to do for frustrated individuals
who do not have the competence or commitment to accomplish an
assigned task? And what do you want to do for those people who not only
are able to do the task on their own but also can teach others? How can
your organization most benefit from people who not only are good at
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doing their jobs but who also are willing and able to teach others?
Sending out someone to act on your behalf is the highest form of trust in that
individual’s competence and commitment. When Jesus gave the Great Commission
to His disciples, He considered them masters/teachers ready to perform on their
own. While Jesus would not be physically present to direct and support the
disciples as He had for three years, He did not turn His back on them. He
promised, “I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20).
One more comment about a master/teacher’s needs. Delegating and abdicating
are very different. Leaders who abdicate turn their backs on their now-trained
people, walk away from the relationships they have established, and only become
involved again if they happen to hear bad news. But leaders who delegate stay in
the information loop and are ready to help if they are called. Jesus delegated when
He issued the Great Commission, but He did not abdicate. Jesus knew His disciples
would need Him in the future, and He remained ready and available to support or
direct them whenever they called.
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LEADER-FOLLOWER PARTNERSHIP
For individuals to advance from novice to master/teacher, as this diagram3
illustrates, they need leadership partners who can give them whatever direction and
support they need to progress to the next stage of learning. A successful learner
development process depends on the mutual commitment of leader and follower.
Furthermore, we need to remember that no one is totally a novice, apprentice,
journeyman, or master/teacher in all the things he or she does. For instance, at any
one time in our work lives, we could actually be at all four learning stages. You
could be a novice on the new computer program, an apprentice in budgeting, a
journeyman when it comes to people development, and a master at planning. As a
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result, a leadership partner not only must learn to use different strokes for different
folks but will probably end up using different strokes for the same person,
according to the different aspects of their organizational development.
For a leader-follower partnership to be effective, certain things have to take
place. Both leader and follower must
• understand the learning stages and the follower’s needs at each stage;
• agree on goals and objectives for the follower;
• identify together the follower’s learning stage for each goal;
• determine together what the follower needs at each stage for each goal and
how the leader will provide it; and
• be aware when the follower is shifting to a new learning stage and what that
means to their leader-follower relationship.
When leaders follow these steps, they are better able to help their people
become high performers in their areas of responsibility.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Think about these leader-follower partnership steps. Have you done
anything similar to the actions listed above to help your people become
high performers? If not, what can you do to begin to make your
relationship with your people a true partnership? Identify the first step
you want to take and decide when you will implement it.
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24
THE EGO FACTOR
Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that
you may know how to answer everyone.
Colossians 4:6
To be an effective coach, you have to meet people where they are. Yet, whether in
the office, at home, or in the community, a servant-hearted leader confronted with
a self-focused follower faces the twofold challenge of ministering to the heart of
the follower as well as moving the learning process along. When your leadership is
challenged or your motives and methods are mistrusted, keeping your EGO—your
Edging God Out tendency—in check can be a daunting chore. Reacting out of
pride, making decisions based on fear, or resorting to using position-driven power
to exert your will can easily shortcut the learning process.
On the other hand, a servant-hearted follower confronted with a self-focused
leader faces the challenge of being a positive witness to the leader while continuing
to acquire the skills and experience needed to be productive and grow. It can be
done, but it may be an uphill climb. An EGO-driven leader can create
disillusionment and cynicism in even the most servant-hearted follower, resulting
in an ineffective learning process.
For a leader, the quickest remedy for the EGO factor in leader-follower
relationships comes with acknowledging and combating the propensity toward
pride and fear. Furthermore, the leader’s spiritual health encourages a follower’s
trust and commitment. If you seek to inspire and equip others to attain higher
standards of performance and commitment, the best first step is modeling integrity
in your own journey.
For followers whose self-worth and security are grounded in God’s
unconditional love and promises, it is important to keep a big-picture perspective
of what is to be gained or lost by responding to poor treatment by an EGO-driven
leader. If both leader and follower are willing to share their vulnerabilities and
support each other in keeping on track, the best of all results is possible—the true
win-win-win situation. The leader wins, the follower wins, and God wins!
THE EGO FACTOR IN LEADER137
FOLLOWER RELATIONSHIPS
When grace abounds, results and relationships flourish. When there is strife, results
and relationships suffer. Whoever extends grace promotes grace in the lives of
others, and everyone benefits.
The true test of great leadership comes when the EGO of the leader and the
EGO of the follower engage one another. How well they recognize and overcome
the pride and fear in their relationship will determine whether they move toward
the mutual satisfaction of commonly held goals—or share in frustrations of their
own making.
The following diagram is an effective tool for understanding the EGO factor in
leader (L)–follower (F) relationships. When things are not going well in a
relationship, the diagram can help identify potential roadblocks to unity of purpose.
THE MOST FAVORABLE LEADERFOLLOWER RELATIONSHIP
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A Servant-Hearted Leader + A Servant-Hearted
Follower = Results and Relationships
The ideal relationship between leader and follower is characterized by mutual
service and trust. Creativity and learning can occur, blind spots can be uncovered,
and potential misunderstandings can be avoided. This is the true win-win-win
situation.
Example: A mother and teenage daughter exchange information and reach a
compromise on something.
Example: After sharing different opinions about the necessary level of training
for a new skill application, the leader makes the final call and commits to changing
his leadership style as the training progresses.
Example: A coach and a star player discuss a situation at the end of a game and
agree on a plan to score the winning point. Both the coach and the player have their
EGOs under control and are ready to listen and learn; both commit to
implementing the final decision.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
The ultimate example of a leader-follower relationship operating with a
bond of mutual service was played out in the Garden of Gethsemane
between Jesus and His Father: “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup
be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will” (Matthew 26:39).
FOUR LEADER-FOLLOWER
RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE ALWAYS
INEFFECTIVE
Undesirable patterns occur when pride and fear commingle.
1. A Prideful Leader + A Prideful Follower = Conflict
and Competition
When both leader and follower bring their pride into a relationship, a test of
wills can result. Then, instead of cooperating and making concessions, the parties
seek to promote their positions by winning arguments and showing off their
strength.
Example: A championship coach with a ball-control strategy for winning meets
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a young superstar known for his brilliant individual skills.
Example: A father and son are too proud to say, “I’m sorry . . .” or “I need . . .”
2. A Fearful Leader + A Fearful Follower = Isolation
and Paralysis
When a leader and a follower are both fearful, they will be looking for early
warning signs that their fears are justified. Initial evidence of goodwill is looked
upon with suspicion, and reluctance to share information can be a barrier to facing
problems as they arise.
Example: An insecure leader who fears loss of position and a follower afraid of
being taken advantage of engage in a superficial exchange of mutual compliments
and guarded responses to questions about the current state of things.
3. A Prideful Leader + A Fearful Follower =
Exploitation
When leaders impose their will and their way on their followers as a
demonstration of their self-importance, it can play on the insecurities of the
followers—leading to results that are not likely to be for the common good.
Example: A results-driven pastor intimidates his congregation into voting for a
new sanctuary.
4. A Fearful Leader + A Prideful Follower =
Manipulation
When an insecure leader makes unwise concessions or tries to exert position
power to gain the cooperation of a strong-willed follower, the results are damaging.
Example: A micromanaging team leader who fears losing control meets a
prideful journeyman who responds with malicious obedience by complying with
instructions he knows are faulty.
Example: A parent who is afraid of being embarrassed by a child’s temper
tantrum allows the child to keep the bag of cookies taken off the shelf in a grocery
store.
FOUR LEADER-FOLLOWER
RELATIONSHIPS THAT CAN BE
IMPROVED
Four combinations of leader and follower EGOs present specific challenges, but
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these relationships can be improved if one party is willing to serve as an agent of
change. When that person is a leader, being the change agent is a ministry
opportunity. When that person is the follower, it is a witnessing opportunity.
1. A Servant-Hearted Leader + A Fearful Follower =
Ministry
A servant-hearted leader remains patient with followers who act on their
insecurities: the leader offers sincere reassurance by praising progress and honest
effort.
Example: A physical therapist responds with patience and encouragement to
outbursts of frustration and fear by a stroke victim learning to walk with a cane.
Example: A parent is patient with a child having a temper tantrum.
2. A Servant-Hearted Leader + A Prideful Follower =
Ministry
Servant-hearted leaders not only model humility and strength of purpose, but
they also are willing to enforce standards and withstand challenges to their
leadership.
Example: When His prideful disciples argued about who was greatest among
them, Jesus responded by washing their feet.
3. A Prideful Leader + A Servant-Hearted Follower =
Witness
The follower is willing to risk a negative response from the leader in order to
uphold a principle or correct an error.
Example: The prophet Nathan confronted King David regarding his misconduct
with Bathsheba.
4. A Fearful Leader + A Servant-Hearted Follower =
Witness
A follower responds to the leader’s insecurities with humility and respect
without forgoing principle.
Example: While being pursued by a fear-driven King Saul, David decided not
to kill him when he had the chance.
Example: A college-bound daughter is patient with a parent who is fearful
about her going away to school.
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THE EGO FACTOR IN THE FOUR
LEARNING STAGES
As we have emphasized, we all fall short of perfection. Every day we have to
confront our own EGO issues that can get us off purpose and affect the leaderfollower relationship. Let’s see what EGO issues leaders and followers might face
at each of the four learning stages.
Novice Stage
Learner/Novice EGO Issues Teacher/Leader EGO Issues
Fear of failure Impatience when teaching
fundamentals
Fear of inadequacy Frustration with slow progress
Fear of looking foolish Temptation to delegate prematurely
False pride in position Quick judgments of learners’
potential
False pride due to prior performance Fear of failure
Lack of trust in leader or in method of
training
Apprentice Stage
Learner/Apprentice EGO Issues Teacher/Leader EGO Issues
Discouragement with the lack of progress Fear of failure
Impatience with the learning process Frustration with lack of enthusiasm
Loss of faith in the learning process Unrealistic expectations of people
Fear of failure Fear of other people’s opinions
Fear of inadequacy Fear of criticism
Loss of faith in the leader Fear of losing position
Diminished enthusiasm for the task
Journeyman Stage
Learner/Journeyman EGO Issues Teacher/Leader EGO Issues
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Fear of failure when moving into
new situations
Lack of sensitivity and lost enthusiasm
Fear of success in expanded use of
skills
Impatience
Burnout: loss of enthusiasm and
vision
Fear of the intimacy required to deal with
an individual’s issues
Fear of obsolescence Fear that the learner will surpass the teacher
Fear of competition
Fear of being confronted about
slips in performance
Fear of being exploited
Master/Teacher Stage
Learner/Master EGO
Issues
Teacher/Leader EGO Issues
Complacency with current
knowledge of skills
Fear of personal competition from the completely
inspired and fully equipped follower
Unwillingness to take
criticism or direction
Fear of personal obsolescence when the learner can
do what the teacher does
Arrogance Unwillingness to share information or recognition
Misuse of skills for selfserving purposes
Fear of losing control
Aware of the potential EGO barriers in their relationship and willing to address
them, leader and follower can seek individually and together to overcome these
barriers through personal preparation, open communication, and a mutual
commitment to serve one another and their relationship.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
What kind of performance coach are you? Do your people know what you
expect them to accomplish? Once you are sure your goals are clearly
understood, do you focus all your efforts on helping your people win,
accomplish their goals, get an A? Are you able to maintain a servant’s
heart even though some of your people are driven by false pride or fear?
Be honest.
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PART VI
THE DOING HABITS
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted
to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be
lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful
in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s
people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Romans 12:9–13
Over the last ten years we have realized that a relationship with Jesus is critical to
leading like Jesus. We will not lead differently until we become different people
through the transformation that results from a relationship with Jesus. We can’t
lead like Jesus without following Jesus. We have also come to recognize that
leading like Jesus is not possible by ourselves. We just can’t do it alone. Only
through an intimate relationship with Jesus and experience with the habits that
allow us to be with Him and focus on Him are our hearts transformed, our minds
informed, and our behavior changed. What we do as leaders is a direct result of
what has happened in our hearts and minds when we’ve spent time in the
transforming presence of God.
In Part III we talked about the Being Habits of experiencing solitude, practicing
prayer, knowing and applying Scripture, and maintaining supportive relationships
—all practices that reinforce the central habit of accepting God’s love and abiding
in it.
As we have continually said, if we want to lead like Jesus, we need to become
more like Jesus. When we look at Jesus not only as our Savior and Lord, but as the
One whom God wants us to emulate every day, we realize that we leaders must
practice certain habits. In the book of James, for instance, we are encouraged to be
“doers of the word,” and not merely “hearers” of it (1:22 ESV). In other words, we
must move from being to doing. This shift is particularly important since we
believe the next great movement in Christianity must be not just proclamation; it
must be demonstration.
If we want people to believe what we believe, we must behave differently than
nonbelievers do. Jesus put it this way: “In the same way, let your light shine before
others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven”
(Matthew 5:16).
If we model our leadership after Jesus, it makes sense for us to look closely at
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five habits that characterized His interactions with people.
You’ll notice that obeying God and expressing His love is the central Doing
Habit. The other four habits—grace, forgiveness, encouragement, and community
—are His people’s expressions of God’s unconditional love.
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THE HABIT OF OBEYING GOD AND
EXPRESSING HIS UNCONDITIONAL
LOVE
As God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with
compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each
other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against
someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put
on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Colossians 3:12–14
We are often asked, “What does love have to do with leadership?” The simple
answer is . . . everything. Love is a core value of leadership, especially for a Jesuslike leader. The question in every situation where we have influence becomes,
“What is the most loving thing to do?” As a leader, you always have the choice of
responding in a loving way—and that option is not usually the easiest way.
Sometimes love will require you to let go of your pride and fear and do the hard
thing of holding a staff member accountable. Leaders sometimes shy away from
those conversations, but love requires you to speak the truth in a way that helps
someone move forward. There are also situations when the most loving thing to do
is to set someone free. As leaders, we are to ensure that even removing people
from our staff is done with grace, dignity, generosity, and, yes, love.
We also must ask, “What is the most loving thing to do?” when we are leading
our families. Sometimes we are kinder, more loving, and more thoughtful to
complete strangers than to the people we love most. Creating an environment of
love in our homes will develop people who love. In fact, as leaders, we are to
create an environment of love, grace, and thoughtfulness everywhere we have
influence.
God’s Word is very clear about this call to all of His followers. The concept of
love appears throughout Scripture. The two greatest commandments are to love
God with all that we are and to love other people as we love ourselves (Matthew
22:36–40). And in 1 Corinthians 12:31 Paul wrote, “You should earnestly desire
the most helpful gifts. But now let me show you a way of life that is best of all”
(NLT). He continued:
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If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I
would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy,
and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if
I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be
nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I
could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.
(13:1–3 NLT)
Did you get that? If we don’t love, we are nothing and we gain nothing. As we
have said, leading like Jesus is leadership based on love. Leading like Jesus will
always mean putting love into action in various ways.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
In his book The Greatest Thing in the World, Henry Drummond identifies
nine elements in what he calls the “spectrum of love.”
1 Using 1
Corinthians 13:4–7 as his source, Drummond lists patience, kindness,
generosity, courtesy, humility, unselfishness, good temper, guilelessness,
and sincerity.
For those of us striving to lead like Jesus, a challenging exercise is to
study these aspects of love and then ask ourselves these questions about
each one:
• When do I demonstrate this aspect of love in my life?
• When do I struggle to demonstrate this aspect of love in my life?
The more insight you have into how you express these elements of
love, the better you can integrate them into the day-to-day choices you
make, and the more easily you can become a love-based leader.
As God’s people we are “rooted and established in love” (Ephesians 3:17)—in
His love. God loved us first, and He expressed that love by coming to this earth as
Jesus, who died on the cross for our sin. That is love!
What we have received, we can give away to others. So we who have received
God’s love can share that love with others. And the power of God’s love changes
everything. The kind of love we are writing about can’t come from us; it is a love
that seeks a person’s good even when it costs us. It is a love that is committed to
helping people move from where they are to where God wants them to be. This
love speaks the truth boldly and at the same time holds hands gently. How do you
love like that? Again, you can’t. But God can love people through you, when you
are willing to let Him. Don’t misunderstand: in some instances, no matter what you
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do or how much you love, people or circumstances may not change. (God gives
you boundaries to protect yourself from unchanging and abusive situations.) But let
us share one story of a changed life, of a life redeemed by love.
A woman in one of our Lead Like Jesus encounters told us about how she
married a wonderful man, but she had no idea of the anger stored deep in his heart.
It started to appear during their honeymoon with name-calling, expletives, and
anger about the smallest things. She decided she was the problem. If she behaved
differently, she reasoned, he would go back to being the person she thought she
had married. She adjusted her behavior and tried to do everything to please him.
The most difficult part was trying to anticipate his anger, because there was
absolutely no pattern to it. On one day a certain situation would be no problem, but
on another day that same situation would prompt an angry tirade. She lived on
eggshells, and they were cracking. She became ill with physical conditions she had
never before experienced. Doctors treated her, but she came to realize that these
illnesses were her body’s response to what she was experiencing in her marriage.
She prayed tirelessly for her husband. She made suggestions to him; she even
tried to be the voice of God in his head—but nothing changed. One day, in
complete desperation, she prayed, “Father, please help me love him like You love
him. Help me see him as You do—not as who he is today, but who he will become
by Your grace. Help me forgive him before he hurts me again. Help me release
unforgiveness—and help me give him grace. Help me not to blame myself when he
says hurtful things. Protect my heart that I might respond with love.”
After that prayer she began to see her husband differently. She made sure she
caught him doing things right so that she could encourage him. She reminded him
of her love through notes and cards. She planned fun times she knew he would
enjoy. She remembers the first time he apologized to her after an angry episode—
she could hardly believe it! She felt she was watching a transformation happen
before her eyes. It was a long season, but God used this woman to love her
husband into the man he had always wanted to be.
Love redeems. When we receive love, we will express it to others in obedience
to the One who loved us first, the One who has commanded us to love Him and
love others. We will express that love through the habits of grace, forgiveness,
encouragement, and community.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Today, what can you do to more effectively reflect God’s unconditional
love to those around you?
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THE HABIT OF GRACE
God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having
all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
2 Corinthians 9:8
We may think withholding forgiveness affects only the person we need to forgive
and ourselves. The truth, however, is that unforgiveness takes root in our hearts,
and the bitterness that grows there will affect all of our relationships. Similarly, the
choice to stay in the past instead of enjoying the present moment will also have an
impact on the people we influence. Grace and forgiveness are a one-two punch. It’s
been said that forgiveness is the cake and grace is the icing that covers over the
past and the sins that have been forgiven.
Grace has been defined as getting something you don’t deserve. We know this
to be true: “It is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from
yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast”
(Ephesians 2:8–9).
Where would we be without grace? We would all be in trouble. Scripture calls
us to “look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God”
(Hebrews 12:15 NLT). As leaders, we are dispensers of grace in our families,
churches, and organizations. We can extend the grace of believing that people are
doing the best they can, given their level of awareness. It is up to us to make sure
grace is extended; we lead in the way of grace.
If you have ever needed grace, you know its power. Knowing you deserve
judgment and punishment but receiving grace instead is hard to believe and hard to
describe. Romans 5:20–21 says this about grace:
God’s law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as
people sinned more and more, God’s wonderful grace became more abundant.
So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God’s
wonderful grace rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in
eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. (NLT)
It’s hard to believe that as people sin more, God’s grace becomes more
abundant. Later in the book of Romans, the obvious question is asked and
answered: “Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more
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and more of his wonderful grace? Of course not! Since we have died to sin, how
can we continue to live in it?” (6:1–2 NLT). We are different people because of
grace; we do not want to go back to being the people we were. So our response to
grace is not to continue in our bad behavior, but to want to do better. Have you
ever acted like a total jerk and then had someone who loves you respond with
grace? Did you feel like an even bigger jerk? Ideally this kind of grace stops us—
and our wrong behavior—in our tracks.
Our friend Tom told us an incredible story of grace. Early in his marriage, his
wife caught him with another woman—literally. When she did, she walked up to
him and said, “We will talk about this later.” He rushed home to see if she would
talk then, but she told him she would need time. It was Tuesday, and she said she
would be ready to talk on Friday. Tom described those next days as torture. He
knew that he had lost his wife and his two small children, that there was no way his
wife would allow him to stay in their lives.
On Friday she told Tom she was ready to talk. Tom described the scene to us:
he sat across from his wife, and she looked directly in his eyes. She said, “I’ve
made a decision. I have decided that I will be the best wife you could ever have, I
will be the best mother you could ever want for your children, and I will be the best
lover you could ever imagine. Now you can decide what you are going to do.”
Tom said he fell to his knees in front of his wife and sobbed. He had heard
about grace his entire life, but he had never experienced it. In fact, his wife’s
incredible act of grace was the first time he truly understood God’s grace. Tom told
us he spent the next forty years trying to be the husband he wanted to be to his
wife, and she spent the next forty years keeping the promises she made that day.
Grace is love in action after people mess up. Grace extends fellowship to
others. God reached out to you in grace to restore your intimate relationship with
Him: “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Even when
we walk away from Him in our sin, His grace abounds. And God’s grace changes
us!
During His season of leadership on this earth, Jesus constantly reached out in
grace to heal people and restore relationships. To lead like Jesus, we must be
agents of grace, “examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness
toward us” (Ephesians 2:7 NLT).
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Does someone in your family or workplace need grace—specifically, the
chance to restore his or her relationship with you? If so, put down this
book and go right now to be an agent of grace.
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THE HABIT OF FORGIVENESS
“If you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly
Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins,
your Father will not forgive your sins.”
Matthew 6:14–15
Humanly speaking, forgiveness is impossible.
Probably everyone on the planet has been hurt by the actions or words of
another person. The experiences of hurt come in a variety of ways, from broken
trust to broken people. A partner sabotages your business; your spouse has an
affair; a family member turns others against you; members of your church criticize
you; a person you love is abusive; or someone injures a loved one. As followers of
Jesus, we are taught we must forgive.
Let’s be clear: forgiveness does not mean that you deny what happened.
Someone hurt you, and that reality cannot and should not be minimized or
rationalized. You can, however, extend forgiveness without excusing the act done
against you. This is where God comes in. Out of the depth of your relationship
with Him, you can seek to be willing to forgive. It is in this place of being willing
that you can find the ability to extend forgiveness.
As leaders who are seeking to help people grow and develop, we need a healthy
capacity to forgive, redirect, and move on. Leaders who are impatient for results
can be quick to both judge and dismiss less-than-perfect efforts as failure, but the
journey of forgiveness must start with us. Unlike Jesus, we all fall short of a 100
percent score on our journey as leaders. Sometimes we make mistakes we could
have avoided. Sometimes we say or do things in the heat of the moment that we
regret. If we are wrapped up in our performance and the opinions of others, we will
be unable to forgive our own shortcomings, let alone anyone else’s. Yet Jesus
modeled His high standard for forgiveness when He cried out from the cross,
“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).
One test of whether we have the heart attitude required to lead like Jesus is how
we respond when those we lead fail to perform according to our expectations. We
also need to remember that getting things nearly but not quite right is simply part
of the learning process that precedes getting things exactly right on a consistent
basis. That’s why praising progress is such a powerful concept.
Our families are another place where we must demonstrate forgiveness. As
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parents, we may have to practice with our children what we preach and apologize
for words we speak too quickly and in anger; we may have to ask our children for
forgiveness. We continue to believe that people—even our children—are pretty
quick to forgive when we admit a mistake. After all, our children already know we
aren’t perfect.
A powerful example of forgiveness comes from our friends Jim and Sheri.
They had planned a four-day trip to celebrate Jim’s birthday. They left home on
Thursday and had special plans for a Friday celebration. On Friday morning when
Jim checked his e-mail, he saw that his neighbor had sent him an array of photos
from a party that had taken place at Jim and Sheri’s home on Thursday evening.
When he dialed into their home security camera system, Jim was able to replay the
entire event. It seems their son, Christopher, had decided to take advantage of his
parents being out of town and had invited a few friends over. The news of a party
spread, and the guest list quickly expanded. Jim was extremely upset when he saw
what had happened in his home.
Jim usually enjoyed a few minutes of quiet time early in the morning. This
particular morning he read Lead Your Family Like Jesus. Jim was reminded in the
book that because God has forgiven all of our sins, we must forgive others. He also
read that sometimes when people make a mistake, we put them in a penalty box
(like in hockey) and leave them there for a long time. He found himself wondering
if he and Sheri had placed Christopher in a penalty box for the past four years.
Christopher had been through a tough season. A football injury during his
senior year of high school had ruined his chances of going to the college of his
choice. In the four years since then, multiple situations involving Christopher’s
behavior had challenged their family. He had been punished, restricted, and
deprived of privileges, and he had never shown remorse for anything he had done.
Jim was praying about what to do when Sheri joined him. He told her the
whole unpleasant story. Sheri wanted to leave right away, but Jim shared what he
had been reading and his experience in prayer. They decided they needed to break
the past cycle and react differently in this situation. Christopher needed their best
response.
Jim and Sheri decided to celebrate Jim’s birthday and continue to pray and
think about what to do. Christopher called his parents, asking when they would be
coming home. They told him they weren’t sure if they would stay the entire four
days since their schedule was very busy. Jim and Sheri had, in fact, decided to stay
the entire time, but wanted Christopher to think each day could be the day they
would return.
When Jim and Sheri arrived home, they found a spotless house. They knew
Christopher must have worked hard to clean up the mess they had seen in the
photos. They sat down with their son and told him they knew about everything.
They told Christopher they loved him, they forgave him, and they understood it
had been a tough four years. Their son’s head dropped into his hands, and he
sobbed and said, “I’m so sorry for everything I have put you through.” This was a
turning point. Jim told us they had waited and prayed for this moment. It came
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when he and Sheri were ready to trust in the power of forgiveness.
Forgiving is not a natural response to being hurt or disappointed. Forgiving is
instead a supernatural act of a person who has surrendered self, plans, will, and life
in obedience to God and who chooses to extend the kind of forgiveness he or she
has received. Jesus taught forgiveness to His disciples, He practiced forgiveness
with those who betrayed Him, and He willingly granted forgiveness to those
people who participated in His death on the cross.
The opposite of forgiveness is judgment, and judgment is pointing out a fault
with a view to condemnation. On the other hand, discernment is pointing out a
fault with a view to correction and restoration. So when we withhold forgiveness,
are we sincerely trying to correct or restore—or is there some benefit to us in
condemning?
Let’s look at what Scripture says: “Forget about deciding what’s right for each
other. Here’s what you need to be concerned about: that you don’t get in the way
of someone else, making life more difficult than it already is” (Romans 14:13 THE
MESSAGE). And James 4:11 adds this: “Don’t speak evil against each other, dear
brothers and sisters. If you criticize and judge each other, then you are criticizing
and judging God’s law. But your job is to obey the law, not to judge whether it
applies to you” (NLT).
PAUSE AND REFLECT
In the game of hockey, when players violate the rules, they spend a
specific amount of time in the penalty box before they can return to the
game. Against that backdrop, spend a few minutes now and ask God to
reveal to you the answers to the following questions:
• Have you put someone in your penalty box? How long has he or she been
there? Is the time limit up?
• Are you still defining your life by how you have been hurt? If so, why?
• Are you in your own penalty box? Is the time limit up on the guilt you have
felt? Why or why not?
Obeying God and expressing His love allows us to step out of the
penalty box and forgive ourselves and others.
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THE HABIT OF ENCOURAGEMENT
May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and
by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your
hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.
2 Thessalonians 2:16–17
The Lord’s grace and forgiveness offer us spiritual redirection. The Bible uses the
word repentance—meaning “deciding to move in a new direction.” It is important
to note that Jesus’ message from the beginning was His call to repent: “From that
time on Jesus began to preach, ‘Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near’
” (Matthew 4:17). That is still Jesus’ message today.
Encouragement completes the coaching cycle: it is your opportunity to help
those you coach stay on course and not move backward. A key aspect of effective
encouragement is catching people doing something right. The goal is to accentuate
the positive, and Philippians 4:8 encourages us to do the same: “Whatever is true,
whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever
is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
S. Truett Cathy, founder of Chick-fil-A, was often heard saying, “Who needs
encouragement? Anyone who is breathing!” And our lives change in those
moments of heartfelt encouragement. Remember moments from your own life: a
supervisor recognized your work, you completed a project and heard “Great job,”
or someone noticed something different about you and complimented you.
Encouragement changes our perspectives in a moment. Jesus consistently
encouraged people with such words as “I will never leave you nor forsake you”
(Hebrews 13:5 ESV), words that gave His disciples, then and now, the ability to
live with hope.
Encouragement often does come through words, but so do wounds. Scripture
cautions us to be careful about what we say: “The tongue has the power of life and
death” (Proverbs 18:21). We know that to be true. We too often hear stories from
adults who are still wounded by their mothers’ words or struggling to be good
enough to meet their fathers’ standards. Some people had parents who never went
to a game or a play even though their child was the quarterback or had the lead
role. Sometimes encouragement is simply being present to cheer someone on.
Some leaders who are wounded find leading like Jesus difficult for them. We
have found that people who don’t feel very good about themselves have a hard
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time making others feel good about themselves through praise and encouragement.
Encouragement comes from a heart that is secure enough to recognize the good in
others and to express that recognition with words—and we know our words come
out of the overflow of our hearts (Luke 6:45).
You may think encouragement is not a big deal, but the power of
encouragement can quickly change someone’s day—or even his or her life. The
following two stories speak to the power of words and actions that encouraged and
changed the direction of a person’s life.
A man named Brian told us about a leader who made a difference in his life
through encouragement. For years Brian had watched Ed walk through the office
and greet people on a regular basis. He not only knew the vice presidents by name
but also knew every member of the staff and treated each as a person of dignity. In
most cases, Ed even knew the names of their children. He asked questions about
their families and encouraged them in their work. One day Brian made a comment
to Ed about his son being interested in going to medical school. Ed told Brian he
knew someone at that school and would be happy to write a letter for his son.
Given Ed’s busy schedule, Brian wondered if he would actually have time to do it,
but Ed wrote the letter. Brian’s son was accepted, graduated with honors, came
back to their hometown, and became a strong stakeholder in the community. Brian
said that his son’s life might not have played out this way if it had not been for a
leader who encouraged the people he influenced.
Encouragement can be especially appreciated on the darkest day of a person’s
life. When Phyllis’s second husband passed away, their family and friends came
from around the country. After his memorial service, people from their church
prepared dinner for all the out-of-town visitors. The sun had already set as Phyllis
and her loved ones drove up the street to her home. As they rounded the corner,
they saw lights. Hundreds of luminarias—sand-filled white bags with lighted
candles flickering from inside—had been placed around her cul-de-sac, down her
long driveway, and up her walkway, lighting her pathway home. The sight was
breathtaking. Phyllis and her family and friends couldn’t believe their eyes. The
day’s pain faded for just a moment as they looked at the beauty and felt the
encouragement being shown to them. She found a card on her door from her
neighbor, explaining that she had not known what to do to encourage Phyllis
through this day. She decided that lighting a path to her home would remind her
that God was still lighting her path for the future.
Encouragement is a powerful way to help those we influence experience the
love of God. Ken says if he had one wish for the world, it would be that people
would give up wanting to be right and instead focus on catching one another doing
things right. As leaders who desire to lead like Jesus, we are to be distributors of
encouragement.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
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Think of those phrases you wish you had heard more often when you
were growing up, phrases like “I love you,” “Great job,” “I love spending
time with you,” “You have a wonderful smile,” “You bless me”—and
spread those encouraging words to others today.
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THE HABIT OF COMMUNITY
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same
attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one
mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus
Christ.
Romans 15:5–6
The Doing Habits of grace, forgiveness, and encouragement flourish when they
happen in the context of a community—whether that community is your family, a
support group at your church, or work groups in your professional life.
We were not meant to live life alone. God recognized that man should not be
alone; He created a woman to be with him. Genesis 1:27–28 reads:
God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he
created them; male and female he created them.
God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the
earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and
over every living creature that moves on the ground.”
Living in community was God’s idea, and He has given us instructions on how
best to build that community.
One of the core themes of the Bible is the kingdom of God, a community where
God is King. John Ortberg often asks, “What is the gospel that Jesus came to
teach?” He then answers the question with various passages from the books of
Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, and Acts, where Jesus proclaimed, “The kingdom of
God has come near” (Mark 1:15). Scripture tells us to “seek first [God’s] kingdom”
(Matthew 6:33).
It’s been said that your faith gets you to heaven, but your works bring heaven
to earth. Lead Like Jesus leaders desire to bring heaven to earth in community. As
leaders we are to model loving one another (John 13:34), forgiving one another
(Colossians 3:13), and regarding others more highly than ourselves (Philippians
2:3–4). We are to teach and correct one another (Colossians 3:16), encourage one
another (1 Thessalonians 5:11), pray for one another (James 5:16), and bear one
another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). We are to be devoted to one another (Romans
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12:10), kind and compassionate (Ephesians 4:32), and generous in hospitality (1
Peter 4:9) as we serve and “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ”
(Ephesians 5:21). Leaders who desire to lead like Jesus will internalize God’s
command, “Love one another as I have loved you” (John 15:12 ESV), and teach
others to do the same.
AN EXAMPLE OF DOING LIFE
TOGETHER
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17).
One of the most important aspects of Phil’s leadership journey has been being
part of an accountability group with four other men. Some people don’t like the
word accountability, but as you will read in Phil’s story, it has been a key habit for
the spiritual growth and development of this group.
The men in Phil’s group have become his closest male confidants in what they
refer to as “doing life together.” Phil recalls being invited to join the group when
he was struggling through the early days of his first term as chairman of his church
elder council. He had agreed to take the position at the request of the senior pastor
who, to Phil’s surprise, left to take a position at another church eight weeks after
Phil had taken office. He felt overwhelmed by the burden of this leadership
responsibility. He remembers riding his bicycle around his neighborhood at three
in the morning and crying out to God that he couldn’t do the job. Things at his
company were tense and chaotic as well. The corporate office had decided to close
the manufacturing plant where he worked, and Phil was working with local
management and union officials to try to reverse the decision. All in all, he felt
isolated and trapped by his commitments.
During this time Phil was asked by his predecessor, former church chairman
Harle Damon, to meet him and two other men from their church for breakfast.
Harle explained that the purpose of the meeting was to explore joining together in a
fellowship of accountability to help one another in their Christian walk.
Phil had never been in such a group and was a little apprehensive about what it
might entail. He wasn’t sure he wanted to get involved in sharing with such an
impressive set of men his struggles as a leader at work, at church, and at home.
Nevertheless, Phil agreed to give it a try. Little did he know that accepting that
hand of Christian fellowship was the beginning of one of the most cherished and
enduring aspects in his walk of faith.
For twenty-five years, these men have been meeting once a week at the same
restaurant in the same booth, ordering basically the same breakfast. Their routine
has remained constant: someone leads a devotion, they pray at the beginning and
the end of their time together, and they enjoy lots of laughter in between. What sets
this experience apart from any other group of guys having breakfast are the
accountability questions they ask one another.
Every six months they agree on a set of questions that each member will
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answer at each meeting. The questions address matters important to living out their
faith in their personal relationships, at their church, and at work. Here are some of
the enduring questions they have asked one another:
Since our last meeting:
1. Have you maintained a daily habit of prayer and time in God’s Word? What did
you learn about God . . . and about yourself?
2. Have you maintained a healthy balance between work, family, church, and
personal time?
3. What one temptation plagued you in your walk with God this week? How did
you handle it?
4. Have you devoted quality time to sustaining a vibrant, loving relationship with
your wife?
5. Did you compromise your integrity this past week?
6. Have you treated the people in your life as the objects of God’s affection,
maintaining a positive, loving attitude toward them, using grace-filled speech
with them, and avoiding crankiness, gossip, and grumbling?
7. Have you actively sought to maintain or improve your physical well-being
through regular exercise, adequate sleep, and healthy eating?
The ground rules for the accountability discussions are these:
• All discussions are strictly confidential: absolutely nothing is to be shared with
anyone outside the group.
• Advice is given only when it’s requested. Try to avoid going into fix-it mode.
• No one is pressed to reveal more details than he feels comfortable sharing. No
open-heart surgery is performed by the group.
As Phil recalls, “Having met together for breakfast more than eight hundred
times, we have considered all that life can bring as reasons to pray for one another.
These have included private temptations, marital and family issues, crises at work,
leadership issues at church, illness within the group, death of loved ones, and,
ultimately, the death of two men in the group. God has spoken to each of us
through these times of open fellowship, and He has spoken words of
encouragement, words of compassion, and words of wisdom in a way that has no
parallel in my life.”
One episode that stands out in Phil’s mind was when he was greatly upset with
his father. Phil felt his dad had let him down in a deep and personal way. After
sharing his anger and frustration with the group, one of his brothers in Christ
looked Phil in the eye and told him that he needed to let go of his anger and forgive
his dad. As hard as it was to hear, Phil knew his friend was right and followed his
suggestion. Phil’s dad died two years later, and their relationship was sound and
loving to the very end. It could have been a lot different if it hadn’t been for the
word of truth spoken to Phil by a man he knew and trusted.
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PAUSE AND REFLECT
Several years ago a study was done of 237 Christian leaders who had
experienced a moral failing. The purpose of the study was to determine if
these cases had any common denominators. The researchers reported only
one thing all these men held in common: not one of them had an
accountability relationship with other men.
1
Do you have an accountability group? If not, consider joining or
starting one. Think of ways you could strengthen your relationships with
the Lord and other believers by participating in this same kind of
Christian fellowship.
In our organizations, churches, and families, we live in community. Jesus
modeled living in community with His disciples. He established the mission and
vision of the community, and He gave His disciples the picture of the future: “Go
and make disciples of all nations” (Matthew 28:19).
Jesus built His disciples’ trust in Him; they learned they could trust Jesus above
all else. He also empowered the disciples, and community was built. Organizations
thrive when people not only trust leadership but also feel trusted and empowered
by leadership. Mutual trust is the foundation of a healthy community, but it can
only develop over time.
A great example of community building in an organization is Cardone
Industries, a remanufacturer of auto parts. These are the values of Cardone
Industries: honor God in all we do; help people develop; pursue excellence; and
grow profitably. Owner and principal Michael Cardone is a Lead Like Jesus board
member. When we asked him how he integrated the values of Cardone into a
multicultural, six-thousand-member workforce, he replied, “They can’t argue with
love.” He continued, “When people know you care about them and want to help
them develop, they work at a different level.” We agree with Michael: love is a key
element in the creation of a trusting community.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Think of three words that describe the current culture in the community of
your family, your workplace, or your organization. Are you satisfied with
what these words say about your community? If not, what in your
community needs to be changed?
What can you do to live out in your family, workplace, and
community Jesus’ command that we love one another as He has loved
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us? List three specific ways—and put them into action today.
A loving community sets boundaries and communicates expectations about
what is acceptable within its culture and what is not. At the same time, community
inspires creativity in its members. The culture of your community will therefore
help determine how successfully your organization fulfills its vision and mission.
Leading like Jesus calls for building a trusting and loving community. If you don’t
love your mission, vision, and values as well as your people and the customers you
serve, you’ll never get lasting results.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Like the Being Habits, the Doing Habits can give us a sense of how ready
we are to lead like Jesus today. What do your answers to these questions
tell you?
• Obeying God and expressing His unconditional love—Are you
willing to share God’s love with those in your spheres of influence?
• Grace—Will you look for opportunities to extend grace to people at
your home and workplace?
• Forgiveness—Who in your spheres of influence needs your
forgiveness? When will you be able to offer it?
• Encouragement—What words of encouragement or praise can you
offer someone today?
• Community—What steps can you take to foster a community of love
and grace in your home and workplace?
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LEADING LIKE JESUS BEGINS IN
YOU
“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the
name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching
them to obey everything I have commanded you.”
Matthew 28:19–20
By reading this book, you have taken the first step of an exciting new journey to
lead like Jesus. As you begin to apply what you have learned at work, at home, or
in the community, the landscape will look familiar. The roles, responsibilities, and
challenges in your life probably have not changed since you started the book. What
has changed, however, is how you approach them.
The people you are around will more than likely be the same people you were
around before you started this journey. Expect them to behave just as they have in
the past and to respond to your leadership as they always have. As they sense a
change in how you are treating them, they will, at times, question your
motivations, misinterpret what you are trying to accomplish, and test your
commitment. Some will embrace the change you seek to create, some will be
skeptical, some will feel threatened by you, and some will oppose change for their
own reasons.
So it is important to realize that these people have been conditioned to respond
to you in a particular way. They will continue to respond that way until they sense
your commitment is for the long haul and trust in their own ability to succeed. The
longer you lead like Jesus, the more people will change. As individuals embrace
these principles, the work group, family, or community organization will change as
well. If your organizational culture does not let you talk freely about Jesus, don’t
worry. Behave like Jesus. Then when people are attracted to the way you lead and
they ask you about it, you are free to share with them your leadership role model.
Let people see the leader in your life.
One more tip: don’t make the mistake of trying to change other leaders with
whom you work. Focus on yourself. Be the change you want to see in others.
Leading like Jesus is lived out minute by minute in big decisions as well as
small choices. At some point leading like Jesus will involve going public with your
good intentions. That moment could come unexpectedly, perhaps when someone
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notices something different in the way you are leading and asks you what’s going
on. Are you prepared to respond?
YOUR PERSONAL LEADERSHIP
STATEMENT
Imagine you’re standing on a stage in an auditorium filled with the people you live
and work with every day. The house lights are up. You can clearly see your spouse,
your children and grandchildren, your brothers and sisters, your parents, your
friends, your boss, your coworkers, your pastor, and your neighbors.
Take a moment and picture each face looking up at you. All eyes and hearts are
opened and focused on you and what you are about to say. You feel the love and
anticipation in the air: you can’t imagine a more positive, accepting crowd than this
one that has gathered to hear you deliver a message of vital importance to you and
to them.
But a different feature of the room commands your attention as you begin. On
the wall immediately behind the audience is a cross.
Imagine taking a slight step forward, moving even closer to the smiling eyes
and faces of these very special people as you begin to speak. You have taken great
care in preparing what you are going to say and have written it down to be sure not
to forget an important point. You take the folded paper from your pocket and begin
to read your own personal statement of intent: you want to lead people like Jesus
did. What would you say? Perhaps something like this:
“Thank you all for coming to share this important moment with me. I’ve
invited each of you here because, at one time or another, I have attempted to
influence your thinking, behavior, or development. In other words, I have sought to
lead each of you somewhere for some purpose, for a good and positive goal. This
leadership may have been in a formal way when we were acting out our roles in an
organization or informally as part of our life role relationships.
“As a result, we have shared some successes together that left us feeling good
about our relationship and about what we accomplished. At other times we shared
frustration with both the results and their impact on our relationship. For the times
I have led you poorly—out of pride, fear, weariness, or just bad judgment—I
apologize and ask for your forgiveness.
“Without dismissing or minimizing the price we all paid for my mistakes, I
want today to ask each of you to help me by holding me accountable for leading
you at a higher level. I have come to the personal conclusion that to make the most
of the influence that has been entrusted to me, I need to follow a trustworthy and
relevant leadership role model. I need to model my leadership after someone who
will inspire, equip, and walk beside me; someone who calls me to care more about
the person than the project; and someone who enables me to bring joy into the
places where I lead and the relationships I am blessed with.
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“As the old hymn says, ‘I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back, no
turning back.’ It is my heart’s desire—and I am totally committed to following the
leadership teachings and example of Jesus in any opportunities I have to influence
people’s thinking, behavior, and development. I now recognize that, just as Jesus
did, I can do this only through an intimate relationship with the Father. I know that
my highest purpose in life is to glorify God. I know that loving Him and loving
others will give Him glory. As I become more like Jesus, I will lead more like
Jesus led. And my leadership will never be about me—it is always about glorifying
God—and it’s about you, our mission together, and the people we serve.
“Knowing me as you do, you may be thinking this goal sounds impossible—
and it sounds that way to me as I hear myself talk. If I were aiming for perfection,
that goal would be impossible to attain. If I were promising to deliver uninterrupted
progress without relapses, you would be right to dismiss my intentions and put
absolutely no hope in seeing those intentions put into practice. But I will start each
day asking God—with the guidance of the Holy Spirit—to help me make the best
leadership decisions I can. I will ask God to help me glorify Him by serving Jesus
Christ and serving you.”
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Make this speech your own. What parts will you change and why? When
you are pleased with your efforts, will you deliver this speech? You can
deliver it with words to an invited audience. You can also deliver it
moment by moment through the leadership decisions you make.
In the final section, we will give you the next steps to take and some tools and
techniques to adopt that will help you become more and more a Lead Like Jesus
leader. It is also our hope that the final section will provide you with ideas for how
to refine your skills as well as how to develop new and more effective ways to lead
like Jesus.
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PART VII
NEXT STEPS TO LEADING LIKE
JESUS
I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I
keep on doing. . . . What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from
this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me
through Jesus Christ our Lord!
Romans 7:19, 24–25
When Paul described himself as a “wretched man,” he was essentially saying that
he was a work in progress—and aren’t we all? Everyone falls short of perfection. It
is only in our relationship with the Lord, only through Jesus, that we become more
like Him. That transformation is central to leading like Jesus. Only when our
transformation is under way can we begin to bring positive change to the lives of
the people we touch. In other words, leading like Jesus is about leading change.
Initiating change, modeling change, responding to change, and sustaining longterm change are fundamental aspects of leading. Leadership is about going
someplace. It is about bringing the future into view through the acts and choices of
today.
When Jesus entered human history as a leader of change, He offered both the
means and the model for fulfilling the change He had in mind. His leadership
included things that only He could do. The holy work of the cross, for instance,
was His alone to complete. Washing the feet of the disciples was a symbol of the
work He called all of us to do in His name. In both these works of His hands, Jesus
changed the definition of great leadership from a place of power, position, and
prestige to the role of humble servant of love.
The change that Jesus came to introduce was not a minor adjustment to current
thinking and behavior that would allow for better levels of performance within an
existing system. The change He came to lead was radical and revolutionary. He
came to turn the world upside down and then right side up by making love the
preeminent standard for all aspects of relationships. Jesus calls all those who
follow Him to carry out their specific assignments in bringing this change to their
generation.
No matter what change you are trying to implement, it will not be easy—even
when the benefits are overwhelmingly positive. So, in this final section of the
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book, we will focus on the dynamics of change that have an impact on you, the
people around you, and the various organizations in which you participate.
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31
LEADING POSITIVE CHANGE
“Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you
will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”
Matthew 18:3
As we have said, the heart and head of leading like Jesus are internal domains.
Thus, great leadership is an inside-out job. It begins with the heart question—Are
you here to serve or be served?—which is reinforced by the Being Habits. Once
your heart is right, the Lead Like Jesus journey travels to your head, where you
develop your beliefs about leading like Jesus. But people won’t know what’s in
your heart and head until you act on it by focusing on having hands that lead like
Jesus and on cultivating the Doing Habits. But taking what you have learned and
actually using it in your daily life as a leader is not easy. Why?
To answer that question, you first have to realize that change happens in all
your spheres of influence, from self, to leading another person, to leading others, to
leading an organization or a community. Second, you must understand that there
are different levels of change and a number of reasons why people resist change.
THE FOUR LEVELS OF CHANGE
Leading lasting change requires understanding and addressing four essential
levels of change:
1
change in knowledge
change in attitude
change in behavior
change in cultural norms and expectations
Let’s explore each of these levels of change and see what they require from a
leader.
Change in Knowledge
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In many respects, change in knowledge is the easiest to accomplish. All you
have to do is read or listen to something. In our electronically connected world,
access to new information and data is literally at our fingertips.
As Ken’s wife, Margie, has often remarked, the gap between not knowing and
knowing is a lot smaller than the gap between knowing and doing. Effective
change leadership requires providing new information as well as a compelling
reason for people to consider changing the way they see the world around them.
According to our dear friend Paul J. Meyer, a key component of changing the
knowledge base of an individual or a group is “Repetition! Repetition! Repetition!”
A second aspect of effective knowledge transfer is testing for understanding.
Leaders who believe that the proclamation of ideas without the verification of
understanding equals effective communication are in for a great shock when it
comes time for implementation.
As you walk through the Bible and listen to Jesus addressing both crowds and
individuals, you’ll notice that He continually repeated the same message in a wide
variety of formats in order to meet the needs of His audience. He also initiated
opportunities for people to ask questions and clarify their understanding. The
priority He put on this aspect of leadership is reflected in His prayer to God: “I
have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. . . . Now they
know that everything you have given me comes from you. For I gave them the
words you gave me and they accepted them” (John 17:6–8).
Change in Attitude
Changing attitude is more difficult than changing knowledge because attitude is
an emotionally charged bit of knowledge. It’s when you feel strongly, in either a
positive or a negative way, about something you know. Attitude begins with
information, but without context, information is unlikely to generate any
enthusiasm for change. So a primary challenge for a change leader is to convince
people that what they are being called to do differently is both right and important.
For a leader, earning the right to be heard is based on trust. People who trust you
will hear what you have to say and, continuing to trust you, probably get on board.
Change in Behavior
Changing behavior is also challenging. It’s different from changing knowledge
or attitude because now people have to do something. For example, the vast
majority of smokers will tell you they know smoking is not good for their health.
Most also have a positive attitude about the idea of giving up smoking. But to
actually stop smoking is not easy, especially if it has been a long-term habit. Ken
always kids that he doesn’t smoke; he just eats. He knows he is ten to fifteen
pounds overweight, and he has a positive attitude about losing those excess
pounds, but it is difficult to change his eating behavior—particularly when he is
able to smell a piece of cheesecake a mile away. A few years ago, though,
something changed. Ken had a compelling vision of the future that involved
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fulfilling the role God has for him in spreading the Lead Like Jesus message. As a
result, today Ken is living a much healthier lifestyle.
2
If they are to be of any practical use, changes in knowledge and in attitude must
inspire changed behavior. At the heart of every New Year’s resolution and every
promise to be better or do better lies the question of how to put those good
intentions into action. Change leaders have to identify behaviors that will move
people to the new patterns, model those behaviors, catch people doing things right,
and praise progress.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Think of a personal change you know you should make. You have a
positive attitude about doing it, but you haven’t taken any steps yet. Why
not? Where can you get the help you need to break through this barrier
that keeps you from acting?
Change in Cultural Norms and Expectations
This is the most difficult change of all because it involves many people who
bring to the party a variety of perceptions about what should or should not be done.
As a result, lasting change in community only happens over time, so change
leaders have to be in it for the long haul. For change to gain the power needed to
transform a culture, each individual must share the basic desire for inclusion and
collaboration toward the higher purpose of the community. Consider this powerful
example of the beginning of cultural change.
At a Lead Like Jesus training in Ghana, it was no secret that a paramount chief
was in the room. Attendees periodically glanced his direction as they shared the
astonishing realization that the leader they so respected and feared was listening
and learning alongside them.
Ghana’s traditional and very powerful leader was introduced to a radical
concept that day: servanthood. As is customary at the end of the training program,
each participant was given the chance to wash someone’s feet. As bucket and rag
were passed around the room, everyone followed Jesus’ example of leadership and
took turns washing the feet of tablemates and neighbors.
Ghanaians’ respect for their paramount chief is so great that sometimes it even
surpasses their reverence for their president. Subjects must bow, kneel down, or lie
prostrate just to speak with their paramount chief. So when the paramount chief of
the Ewe Tribe bent down and rested on his knees, it shocked the gathering. He laid
aside the headdress that set him apart from his people as he bowed before one of
his subordinates. Only Jesus can inspire an action as radically anticultural as a
paramount chief kneeling before a subordinate.
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Chieftaincy in Ghana is traditionally a religious as well as political institution:
customarily, Ghanaians will believe whatever their paramount chief believes. For
the paramount chief of the Ewe Tribe to even attend a Lead Like Jesus training
meant that the people who were in attendance would pay closer attention to the
ideas presented.
After the training, the paramount chief approached a Lead Like Jesus team
member. Clearly, the day’s teaching had affected him, and only God knew the
implications for his tribe and even for his country. “Thank you so much,” he said,
overcome with emotion. “I love you.”
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Think about a time you have been involved—as a leader or as a follower
—in a change of cultural norms or expectations. Was it difficult? Why or
why not? Did anything in particular help everyone get through the change
successfully? If not, what might have helped the transition?
Take heart! Change is difficult, but it will be worth the journey as
souls—including yours—are served by God’s Spirit and His people.
REASONS WHY LEADING CHANGE IS
DIFFICULT
It’s been said that the only people who like change are babies with a wet diaper.
Why is that so? We have found seven reasons why people resist change.
1. People feel awkward. People naturally want to avoid feeling
uncomfortable, but discomfort comes with a change in their way of
thinking, their attitude, or their behavior. This awkwardness is perfectly
natural. If you don’t feel awkward, then you aren’t going through change.
Application: When leading people through change, put the change in
context by explaining what, when, how, and why change is occurring and
why it is necessary.
2. People feel alone. Even if everyone in the family, the business, or the
organization is in the same situation, most of us tend to take it personally
when change hits: Why me? Fear of having one’s personal weaknesses and
limitations exposed can result in feelings of isolation and an unwillingness
to participate in the change.
When a leader models transparency and provides safe harbors where
people can share their concerns, they come to realize they are not alone in
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their feelings. Experiencing some strength in numbers, they find
themselves more open to the change and more confident about it.
Application: During our Lead Like Jesus programs, we conduct EGOs
Anonymous meetings where people are encouraged to share how their
pride and fears have negatively impacted their lives and relationships. A
comment often heard at the end of these sessions is, “I thought I was the
only one who felt that way.”
3. People focus on what they have to give up. People’s first reaction to a
suggested change is often a personal sense of loss. What do we mean by
this? Pride about past achievements, stability in relationships, and a sense
of balanced priorities are hard to surrender. So effective leaders of change
allow people to honor the past but not live there. These leaders help people
acknowledge present realities and reshape their picture of the desired
future.
Application: When working with groups undergoing change, we often
hold “mourning sessions” where people can talk openly about what they
think they will have to give up because of this change. People need a
chance to mourn their losses before they can embrace the benefits of the
change.
4. People can handle only so much change. Change is all around us all
the time. To lead a change that will last requires being alert to both the
extent and the speed of the change you’re asking people to deal with. If the
change becomes too much for them to handle, they can become
overwhelmed and discouraged despite the positive results you intend.
That’s why it’s best not to change everything all at once. Choose the key
areas that will make the biggest difference.
Application: When implementing change, let people experience some
success that they can build on before adding more elements. For some, the
Ten Commandments seemed to be too many. When He was asked which
was the greatest commandment in the Law, Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord
your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your
mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like
it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on
these two commandments” (Matthew 22:36–40). If people live by these
two commandments, they don’t necessarily need to remember
commandments such as Thou shall not kill, Thou shall not steal, or Thou
shall not commit adultery. In other words, the two greatest commandments
Jesus spoke about make everything else clear.
5. People worry about resources. Fear of change often expresses itself as
the fear of not having enough of what is required to implement the change.
This concern can lead to the hoarding of known resources, and then
cooperation ends. An effective leader calms people’s concern by opening
their eyes to the collective resources available.
Application: As the greatest Change Leader of all time, Jesus
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addressed concerns about resources by pointing His followers to God as
the Provider of all they would require:
“Do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’
or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and
your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his
kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to
you as well.” (Matthew 6:31–33)
6. People are at different levels of readiness. Those who are quickest to
raise their hands in support of change may be seeing it through eyes of
self-interest. Others, who are slower to be convinced about the value of the
change, may make better followers in the long run.
Furthermore, leaders who invest time in clarifying what they have in
mind and encouraging those who are initially reluctant can acquire steady
allies instead of creating foot-dragging enemies.
Application: The disciples who made up the next generation of leaders
—the disciples whom Jesus inspired and equipped to fulfill God’s vision
—were a varied group of unique personalities and different attitudes
toward change. Peter, for instance, represented a highly emotional, quickto-respond type. The apostle Thomas was slower to accept change, and he
required more information before making any commitment. Philip was
quick to embrace change, but he wasn’t entirely clear about what Jesus
had come to do. Jesus dealt with each of these men according to his
different needs and personalities. In the end each one followed Him and
gave his life in committed service to His vision.
7. People tend to revert to old behaviors when the pressure to change is
removed. Leading change that will last requires constant reinforcement. It
means praising progress, keeping the vision alive, reinforcing the
connection between individual effort and organizational success,
personally modeling consistent behavior during challenging times, and
extending grace and forgiveness to those who lose their way. Each of these
aspects of leading effective, long-term change requires the leader to make
sacrificial choices. Effective leaders of change must apply constant and
consistent pressure until the tipping point is reached and inertia becomes
action.
Application: One of the most powerful examples of Jesus reinforcing
His vision and values with the disciples, and Peter in particular, is found in
John 21:12–19:
Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples
dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. Jesus
came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the
fish. This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after
he was raised from the dead.
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When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon
son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” he said,
“you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.” Again Jesus
said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” He answered, “Yes, Lord,
you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”
The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love
me?”
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you
love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love
you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. Very truly I tell you, when you were
younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when
you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will
dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” Jesus said this to
indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he
said to him, “Follow me!”
Leading people through change that will last is difficult. Leaders need to give
people a passionate sense of purpose, a compelling vision of the future, and
constant reinforcement that the effort will be worthwhile.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Think about a difficult change that you were called to be involved in as a
leader or follower. Reflect on the seven reasons why leading even positive
change is hard. What could you have done differently as a leader or
follower to make that change effort easier or more successful?
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32
EGOS ANONYMOUS: TAKING THE
FIRST STEP TOWARD EXALTING
GOD ONLY
The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a
good conscience and a sincere faith.
1 Timothy 1:5
As we have said before, we think great leadership is an inside-out job that starts
with your heart. That’s where you store your intentions as well as the answer to our
often-asked question: “Are you here to serve or to be served?”
When we ask that question in our sessions, nobody ever raises his or her hand
and says, “I am here to be served.” Instead, each person in attendance wants to be
known as someone who is there for others. Yet we know from the EGOs
Anonymous (EA) meetings we hold in our leadership seminars that everyone has
to deal, on a daily basis, with the demons of false pride and fear. In fact, we believe
EGO—Edging God Out—is the biggest addiction of all, because it motivates every
other addiction.
Everyone recognizes that people driven by false pride think more highly of
themselves than they should. Yet we contend that people with false pride are often
covering up not-okay feelings about themselves and are overcompensating for fear
and self-doubt. On the other hand, people who are clearly driven by self-doubt and
fear are constantly looking for things outside themselves that will make them feel
better about themselves. Sometimes those things are negative addictions such as
alcohol, drugs, sex, power, possessions, and the like. So when you don’t feel good
about yourself, return to the unconditional love of God and the support of His
people.
Now back to our EA meetings. We always start by saying, “All EA meetings
are voluntary. If your EGO has never gotten in your way through false pride
(promoting your self-interest) or through fear (protecting your self-interest), then
you can leave.” Tens of thousands of people have participated in EA meetings
through the years, and no one has ever left.
To give you a sense of how an EGOs Anonymous meeting works, we are going
to let you sit in on one as an observer. In a real EA meeting, there are no observers
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—only people who are actively trying to work on their EGO addiction. The people
you will meet are fictitious, but the issues they raise come from real people
involved in real-life leadership situations.
WELCOME TO EGOS ANONYMOUS
“Hi. My name is Darnell, and I am an EGOmaniac,” said the man standing in front
of his folding chair.
“Hi, Darnell,” the group replied with a tone of acceptance.
The man continued, “Since our last meeting, my pride affected my leadership at
home when it kept me from admitting to myself and to my wife that she was right
about a lousy investment choice I had made. Instead of owning my mistake, I got
mad at her for being right. It took me too long to apologize.” As Darnell sat down,
the group applauded, and several of the people in the group nodded in
understanding.
Next to stand was a well-dressed businesswoman on the other side of the circle.
“My name is Laura,” she said in a tone that indicated she was used to speaking in
public.
“Hi, Laura,” the group responded.
“I am an EGOmaniac,” Laura continued. “As the president of a large
advertising firm, my pride gets in the way when I become impatient with the
people who work for me. Last week, I took back an assignment I had delegated to
one of my key new team members and did the work myself. I ended up overloaded,
and she ended up demoralized.” The usual applause followed as Laura sat back
down.
Silence followed, as often happens at an EGOs Anonymous meeting. We may
wait several minutes until someone else is ready to share how his or her EGO has
sabotaged his or her efforts to be an effective leader. About a minute later, a tall,
gray-haired man with a thoughtful face rose slowly. “Hi. My name is Steven,” he
said in a quiet voice.
The group reached out again: “Hi, Steven.”
“I am an EGOmaniac,” Steven said. “My EGO takes the form of fear of
success. I am the pastor of a rapidly growing church, and I am reluctant to give my
approval to plans for further expansion. I am afraid I won’t be able to handle any
more demands on my time and energy.” His humble admission of self-limitation
was met with healing applause that signaled understanding.
In sharp contrast to the quiet demeanor of the pastor, the next person to stand
was an athletic-looking man in his midthirties whose quick movements and
energetic style radiated intensity. “Hi! My name is Tyler.”
The group responded, “Hi, Tyler.”
“I am an EGOmaniac,” Tyler replied. “I coach high school basketball, and my
EGO negatively impacts my leadership when my desire to win and my fear of
failure cause me to make choices that are not always in the best interest of the
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growth and development of my players.” The group clapped as the openness and
honesty of Tyler’s statement sank in.
An attractive, casually dressed young woman stood up. “Hi. My name is
Darla,” she said in a tentative, almost apologetic manner. The group greeted her
exactly as they had the other speakers.
“I am an EGOmaniac,” Darla continued. “I’m the mother of two small children.
My EGO gets in the way when my low self-esteem and fear of inadequacy make
me feel like a victim and rob my kids and me of any joy we could be sharing.” The
group nodded in understanding.
Next, a middle-aged man with a salt-and-pepper beard stood and said, “My
name is Rich.”
The group encouraged him with their greeting: “Hi, Rich.”
“Up until today, I would have said that I was not an EGOmaniac. I really don’t
have any pride. I know that everything I have comes from God. But today I’ve
discovered that I am an EGOmaniac. I’ve Edged God Out because of my fear.
There are so many things I know He’s wanted me to do, and either I haven’t
attempted them or I’ve settled for less than what I clearly knew He wanted.” The
group applauded his confession to demonstrate their support and understanding.
The pattern of reflective silence before and after the sharing of personal
triumphs and failures in dealing with false pride and fear continued for another
twenty minutes until everyone who wanted to speak had been able to both share
and receive encouragement from the group.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Imagine you were the next person to stand up at this EA meeting. How
would you describe the EGO problem that has had the biggest impact on
how you lead people?
Admitting you have an EGO problem is the first step of the Lead Like Jesus
twelve-step program we have developed for leaders who want to bring new hope
and effectiveness into their lives and relationships by leading like Jesus. As you
look at the people you influence—those in your organization, your church, and
your family—you might feel that constantly leading from a servant’s heart and
practicing the Doing Habits of grace, forgiveness, encouragement, and community
is utterly impossible. If so, remember that this calling to lead isn’t about what we
can do; leading like Jesus is about what God can do through us when we are
willing to obey Him and express His love. Because we are empowered and led by
God’s Holy Spirit, we can wisely and effectively lead others.
In fact, our greatest job as leaders is to let the One who is leading us become
visible to others through what we say and do. We felt the best way to do that—and
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the best way to pull together the beginning steps of the transformation required to
lead like Jesus—was to share the full twelve-step program, adapted from
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).
1 The main purpose of EA meetings is to build a
community where people can, among other things, encourage one another to accept
God’s grace and to forgive themselves. Building community is important because
true change only happens over time and in community, yet building community
requires intimacy and vulnerability. We invite you to join us in a very personal
way as we go through the twelve steps of EA.
The Twelve Steps of Lead Like Jesus EGOs
Anonymous
1. I admit that on more than one occasion I have allowed my EGO needs and
my drive for earthly success to negatively impact my role as a leader. My
leadership has not been the servant leadership that Jesus modeled.
2. I’ve come to believe that God can transform my leadership motives,
thoughts, and actions into the servant leadership that Jesus modeled.
3. I’ve made a decision to turn my leadership efforts over to God and to become
a disciple of Jesus and the kind of servant leader He modeled.
These first three steps—admitting you have a problem, realizing that God is the
only One who can overcome it, and therefore letting go and letting God—begin
your journey to overcoming your EGO issues.
4. I’ve made a searching and fearless inventory of my own leadership motives,
thoughts, and behaviors that are inconsistent with leading like Jesus.
5. I’ve admitted to God, to myself, and to at least one other person when I’ve
been inconsistent in leading like Jesus in my motives, thinking, and behavior.
These two steps are where you take a hard look at yourself and admit your
shortcomings. A few minutes of brutal honesty is worth a year of self-deception.
6. I am entirely ready to have God remove all character defects that keep me
from leading like Jesus.
7. I humbly ask God to remove my shortcomings and to strengthen me against
the temptations of recognition, power, greed, and fear.
Here is where you come to the realization that God is not your copilot; He is
the One flying the plane! Only with Him in charge of your life do you have a
chance of overcoming your false pride and fear demons.
8. I’ve made a list of those people I may have harmed by my EGO-driven
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leadership, and I am willing to make amends to them all.
9. I’ve made direct amends to such people whenever possible, unless doing so
would injure them or others.
10. I continue to take a regular personal inventory regarding my leadership role,
and when I am wrong, I promptly and specifically admit it.
After accepting God’s grace and forgiving yourself, your reaching out to those
you may have harmed demonstrates to them God’s love. This is an ongoing
process of accountability; it will be daily work for the rest of your life. The great
news is that you never have to walk alone. As they say at the end of most AA
meetings, “Keep coming back!”
11. I engage in the disciplines of solitude, prayer, the study of Scripture, and
belief in God’s unconditional love for me in order to align my leadership
with what Jesus modeled and to constantly seek ways to be a servant leader
for the people I encounter in my leadership responsibilities.
12. I am committed to carrying the message of leading like Jesus to all those I
have an opportunity to influence.
The last two steps are where the Being Habits and the Doing Habits come
together: accepting and abiding in God’s unconditional love and obeying God and
expressing His love. Jesus emphasized the preeminence of God’s love when He
spelled out the two greatest commandments: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all
your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength’
[Being]. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’ [Doing]. There is no
commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:30–31). The best way to fulfill these
commandments is to make the twelve EA steps a guide for your life.
While the first step of admitting your addiction is all-important, completing all
twelve steps is necessary for you to overcome your addiction to Edging God Out.
Give yourself plenty of time to overcome your addiction. And know that if you
take this mission seriously, you have a high probability of successfully leading
more and more the way Jesus does.
PAUSE AND REFLECT
Remember that completing the twelve steps is a day-by-day journey and
an ongoing challenge. The great news is we are not called or designed to
travel the journey or face the challenge alone. Listen once again to the
promise Jesus makes to all who would follow Him: “Surely I am with you
always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). That promise is still
available to you today.
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NEXT STEPS TO LEADING LIKE
JESUS: CHECKLIST
Leading like Jesus is not a destination but a journey. Like any good traveler
embarking on a journey, you will need to make sure you pack what you need.
Item √
Personal mission statement that is understandable by a twelve-year-old
Personal definition of success that mentions God’s call and His involvement
Set of rank-ordered personal operating values to help you decide which road
to travel when you find yourself at a crossroads
Truth tellers who will keep you headed in the right direction
Journal to record the triumphs, challenges, and lessons learned that you will
want to remember and pass along to others
Well-used instruction manual for daily living
A commitment to—with God’s help—practice the Being Habits: accept and
abide in God’s love; experience solitude; practice prayer; know and apply
Scripture; and maintain supportive relationships
A commitment to—with God’s help—practice the Doing Habits: obey God
and express His love, grace, forgiveness, encouragement, and community
Memorized set of emergency numbers when you are in trouble
Set of recalibration tools to help keep your path straight
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NEXT STEPS TO LEADING LIKE
JESUS: RESOURCE LIST
If you are missing any of the recommended items on your checklist, here are some
suggested resources to help you obtain what you need.
Personal Mission Statement
Halftime: Moving from Success to Significance by Bob Buford
Living on Purpose: Finding God’s Best for Your Life by Christine and Tom Sine
The Path: Creating Your Mission Statement for Work and for Life by Laurie
Beth Jones
The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For? by Rick Warren
Situational Self Leadership by Ken Blanchard, Laurence Hawkins, and Susan
Fowler
Personal Definition of Success That Keeps
God in Mind
Breathe: Creating Space for God in a Hectic Life by Keri Wyatt Kent
Experiencing God by Henry T. Blackaby and Claude V. King
Great Attitudes!: 10 Choices for Success in Life by Charles Swindoll
In His Steps by Charles M. Sheldon
It Takes Less Than One Minute to Suit Up for the Lord by Ken Blanchard
Ordering Your Private World by Gordon MacDonald
The Search for Significance: Seeing Your True Worth Through God’s Eyes by
Robert S. McGee
The Servant Leader: Transforming Your Heart, Head, Hands & Habits by Ken
Blanchard and Phil Hodges
The 12 Essentials of Godly Success: Biblical Steps to a Life Well Lived by
Tommy Nelson
A Set of Rank-Ordered Personal Operating
Values
The Heart of Business by Matt Hayes and Jeff Stevens
Managing by Values: How to Put Your Values into Action for Extraordinary
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Results by Ken Blanchard and Michael O’Connor
The Power of Ethical Management by Ken Blanchard and Norman Vincent
Peale
Spiritual Leadership: Moving People on to God’s Agenda by Henry T. Blackaby
and Richard Blackaby
Transforming Leadership: Jesus’ Way of Creating Vision, Shaping Values and
Empowering Change by Leighton Ford
Truth Tellers to Keep You Headed in the
Right Direction
As Iron Sharpens Iron: Building Character in a Mentoring Relationship by
Howard Hendricks and William Hendricks
Brothers! Calling Men into Vital Relationships by Geoff Gorsuch with Dan
Schaffer
The Heart of Mentoring: Ten Proven Principles for Developing People to Their
Fullest Potential by David Stoddard with Robert J. Tamasy
Woman to Woman: Preparing Yourself to Mentor by Edna Ellison and Tricia
Scribner
Women Mentoring Women: Ways to Start, Maintain, and Expand a Biblical
Women’s Ministry by Vickie Kraft and Gwynne Johnson
Well-Used Instruction Manuals for Daily
Living
Lead Like Jesus devotions (Visit www.leadlikejesus.com to sign up.)
Let Go by Francois Fenelon
Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World by Henri Nouwen
Living Beyond the Daily Grind by Charles Swindoll
My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers
NIV Leadership Bible: Leading by the Book (Zondervan)
One Solitary Life by James A. Francis and Ken Blanchard
The Prayer of Jabez: Breaking Through to the Blessed Life by Bruce Wilkinson
Small Changes for a Better Life: Daily Steps to Living God’s Plan for You by
Elizabeth George
Streams in the Desert by L. B. Cowman
Practice the Being Habits
• Accept and Abide in God’s Love
• Experience Solitude
• Practice Prayer
• Know and Apply Scripture
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• Maintain Supportive Relationships
Practice the Doing Habits
• Obey God and Express His Love
• Grace
• Forgiveness
• Encouragement
• Community
A Memorized Set of Emergency Numbers to
Call When You Are in Trouble
Thought Conditioners: Forty Powerful Spiritual Phrases That Can Change the
Quality of Your Life by Norman Vincent Peale and C. S. Moore
Philippians 4:6–7 Fear
Psalm 23 Fear
Psalm 55:22 Anxiety
Matthew 6:25 Worry
1 Corinthians 10:13 Temptation
Romans 12:3 Pride
Proverbs 13:10 Pride
Jeremiah 9:23–24 Values
1 John 1:9 Repentance
Proverbs 3:5–6 Guidance
Psalm 143:10 Guidance
A Recalibration Tool to Help Keep Your
Path Straight
Chapter 32 of this book: “EGOs Anonymous: Taking the First Step Toward
Exalting God Only”
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DISCUSSION GUIDE
To help enrich your understanding and enable your application of the leadership
principles discussed in this book, we have prepared a summary of key concepts
contained in Lead Like Jesus Revisited. Each key concept is followed by one or
more discussion questions. In addition to reviewing the key lessons in each section,
this interactive guide will stimulate thought and conversation about how to apply
these concepts to each participant’s own leadership style.
We encourage you to proceed through the discussion guide at your own pace. It
is useful for individual study, but it is designed primarily for use in a group setting
—which we highly recommend—after everyone in the group has read the book.
We hope by reading Lead Like Jesus Revisited and sharing this learning experience
with others that you will not only acquire a deeper understanding of what leading
like Jesus is all about but also be inspired to incorporate the principles into your
daily leadership opportunities.
Before you get into your discussions, picture yourself and your Lead Like Jesus
group going on a relaxing walk with Jesus. You feel loved and secure, free to stop
along the way to ask questions and listen carefully to the Lord’s answers. Listen,
too, as He calls your name and says to you once more: “Come to me, all you who
are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and
learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your
souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28–30).
Blessings to you as you continue your journey.
PART I: A BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE ON
LEADERSHIP (PAGES 1–38)
The formula Everything – Love = Nothing is not of our making. It is the irrefutable
law of the kingdom of God, perfectly fulfilled by Jesus. It is also the defining
characteristic of the leadership model of Jesus: leading like Jesus means loving like
Jesus.
Key Concept 1
Leadership is an influence process. Anytime you seek to influence the thinking,
behavior, or development of someone in your personal or professional life, you are
taking on the role of a leader.
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1. Think of two situations in which you currently act in a leadership role: one as
an organizational leader and one in a life role leadership situation. In what
ways are these leadership roles different from each other? In what ways are
these roles alike?
2. What basic question do you have to ask yourself and answer honestly if you
are going to seek to lead like Jesus in both situations?
3. What about each of these leadership roles makes it difficult for you to follow
through on seeking to serve rather than to be served?
Key Concept 2
“Jesus called [his disciples] together and said, ‘You know that the rulers of the
Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them.
Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your
servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—just as the Son of Man
did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many’ ”
(Matthew 20:25–28).
1. Jesus called His followers to an approach to leadership that was radically
different from what they saw in the world around them. As a modern-day
follower of Jesus, describe the general pattern of leadership you have
observed and experienced in today’s society.
2. Is the leadership Jesus expected from His followers any more or any less
radical today than it was in the first century? Explain your answer.
3. Given the complexity and potential impact of leadership decisions in a global
economy, what modifications do you think Jesus would make in His
instructions to modern leaders?
4. Name three specific ways Jesus would approach your leadership
responsibilities differently than you approach them.
Key Concept 3
Learning to lead like Jesus is a transformational journey (illustrated in the
spheres of influence diagram on page 24) that begins with self-examination. Then
you move on to leading another person in a one-on-one relationship, then to
leading others, and finally to leading an organization or community.
1. Whose are you? Who are you? What impact can knowing the answers to those
questions have on your leadership?
2. Name three ways you nurture trust in your one-on-one relationships at work
and at home.
3. Discuss a time when you lost trust in a leader and the impact that experience
had on your relationship.
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4. What words would people in your family use to describe your leadership in the
following situations:
• a time of crisis
• a time of failure
• a time of victory
• a time of plenty
• a time of want
5. What is most likely to occur when leaders try to drive change at the
organizational level without first addressing the issue of their own credibility
at the personal, one-on-one, and team leadership levels?
Key Concept 4
Leading like Jesus involves the alignment of four leadership domains: heart,
head, hands, and habits. The internal domains—the motivation of your heart and
the leadership perspective of your head—are hidden or even disguised if it suits
your purpose. The external domains—your hands, or your public leadership
behavior, and your habits as experienced by others—influence greatly whether
people will follow you.
1. Briefly describe in your own words what is meant by the terms heart, head,
hands, and habits of leadership.
2. What thought from this section was most striking, convicting, or significant?
How will you implement it? By when?
PART II: THE HEART OF A GREAT
LEADER (PAGES 39–83)
A changed heart means a changed leader.
Key Concept 1
What does your heart have to do with leadership? Everything! In the heart is
our why.
1. Have you ever experienced a challenge so big that you had to go back to the
core of what you believed about God and review the basics? Those beliefs are
stored in your heart, and they shape you and every relationship in your life.
Answer these fundamental questions:
• Is God good?
• Do you believe He has a plan and purpose for your life?
• Do you believe anyone or anything can change God’s plan for you?
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• Do you believe God loves you?
• Do you believe God will use everything in your life for His glory and
your good as He promised?
• Can you trust Him with all of the details of your life?
2. The core of leading like Jesus is love. In which of your relationships do you
find it a challenge to lead and love like Jesus?
3. What one step will you take today to strengthen one of those relationships?
Key Concept 2
If you want to follow the mandate Jesus gave us—to serve rather than be served
—know that every day your good intentions will be challenged. Our adversary
consistently tries to get us to serve ourselves. To better resist that temptation to be
drawn off course, we must understand the dynamics of our self-serving EGO that
Edges God Out.
1. List three things other than God that people worship and look to for either
security or a sense of identity. Why do we human beings trust these things
even though we know they are neither stable nor trustworthy?
2. Invite God to guide your thinking about the last time pride got in the way of
your leadership. Briefly describe the circumstances. What triggered your
pride? When you realized you wanted a do-over, how did you feel? What was
the reaction of others to your handling of the situation? What was the result of
your mishandling the situation? Do you need to apologize to anyone? What
has God shown you—and what does He want you to do?
3. When you face a difficult and uncomfortable decision, which of the following
fears are most likely to prevent you from following through on your good
intentions and instead prompt a “fight or flight” response?
• fear of rejection
• fear of inadequacy
• fear of death
• fear of success
• fear of loneliness
• fear of loss of control
• fear of losing
• fear of humiliation
• fear of public speaking
• fear of failure
• fear of intimacy
• fear of the future
• fear of want
• fear of pain
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• fear of ridicule
• fear of conflict
• fear of tests
What truth from God’s Word speaks to these fears? Write the Scripture
references here and a helpful verse on an index card you can carry with you
or put on the dashboard of your car.
4. Describe a time when emotions overpowered reason and you acted according
to your fears rather than your good intentions. What was the result?
5. Listen for the I factor in your conversations. Note your words and your
thoughts that reveal less than (fearful) or more than (prideful) thinking. Also
notice how often you turn a conversation back to yourself or interrupt
someone’s story to tell your own. Are your conversations laced with I, my, or
me? And what do your observations and answers tell you about yourself: Are
you more others-focused or more self-focused? If the latter, could you be on
the path to Edging God Out?
Key Concept 3
A life intentionally lived with a focus on Jesus and a deep commitment to Him
will help you move from Edging God Out to Exalting God Only.
1. Imagine your pride and fear being replaced by genuine humility and
confidence grounded in God. What impact would that exchange have in your
leadership roles and in your relationships?
2. What about your current concept of God might be keeping you from receiving
His unconditional love and accepting His promises as the source of your
security and self-worth?
3. Imagine you are sitting down with Jesus today just before He sends you off to
represent His kingdom where you work and in all your personal relationships.
Answer these questions Jesus might ask.
• Do you love Me?
• Do you trust Me?
• Will you serve Me by serving others?
• Do you believe I will always love you regardless of your performance or
other people’s opinions?
• Are you willing to set aside recognition, power, and instant gratification to
honor Me by doing the right thing?
The more times you answered yes, the more ready you are.
4. What thought from this section did you find most significant? What will you
do to implement it in your life—and by when will you do so?
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PART III: THE BEING HABITS (PAGES 85–
122)
Adopting the Being Habits is essential for those who choose Jesus as their role
model for leadership. He led with five key Being Habits—and if we want to lead
like Jesus, we will too.
Key Concept 1
Accepting and abiding in God’s love requires the foundational belief that His
love for you is possible. Believing that it is possible for God to love you will lead
you to Him—and He enables us to believe He loves us by His Son’s death on the
cross and His Holy Spirit’s work in our hearts.
1. Think of a time when you felt loved by God. What were the circumstances?
What steps could you take to feel His love now? One step is simply to ask
your heavenly Father to reveal His love to you.
Key Concept 2
Solitude is by far the most elusive habit in our modern world of noise,
busyness, and 24/7 communications. Solitude is truly countercultural and therefore
a challenging behavior to adopt.
1. When did you last spend a significant amount of time with God in solitude—
and that means without a to-do or prayer list? When was the last time you sat
quietly in God’s presence, listening for His still small voice?
2. What keeps you from being alone with God more often? What are the biggest
barriers to such solitude that you face—and what has worked for you,
enabling you to overcome them?
Key Concept 3
Prayer is an essential act of the will that demonstrates whether we are really
serious about living and leading like Jesus. Without prayer, we will never be able
to connect our plans and leadership efforts to God’s plan for His kingdom.
1. Describe your prayer life in terms of when, what, where, how, and why. What
are the richest aspects of prayer for you? Which aspects of your prayer life
need improvement?
2. You probably pray about people and situations, and that’s important. But
imagine that the next time you face an important challenge or temptation, you
first pray for the people involved. What impact might that have on how you
approach and interact with those people?
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3. What is your prayer strategy for each person, situation, and leadership
opportunity in your life? If you don’t have one, create one now. Maybe start
with some of the when, what, where, how, and why questions. Also, to whom
can you go for counsel about a prayer strategy and a strong prayer life?
Key Concept 4
In Scripture you discover that God loves you, He has great plans for you, and
He created you perfectly to accomplish a specific purpose. Scripture also teaches
us how to treat one another, how to love as we have been loved, and how to lead
like Jesus.
1. Describe a time when you faced a decision and your knowledge of Scripture
made a difference in your choice. What was the result?
2. Are you actively seeking God’s guidance by spending time reading, studying,
and meditating on Scripture? What is He currently saying to you?
3. Share your favorite verse with your group and talk about why it is your
favorite.
Key Concept 5
Leadership can be a lonely business filled with great amounts of soul-draining
human interaction but little soul-filling intimacy. Without some safe-harbor
relationships where we leaders can relax in confidential and unguarded
conversation, we become vulnerable to two debilitating frames of mind and spirit:
the victim and the martyr.
1. Name the special people in your life who love you enough to tell you what you
need to hear. What are you doing to strengthen these special relationships?
What people in your life need you to hold them accountable? Do you love
them enough to tell them what they need to know?
2. List three things you do to make it easy for your truth tellers to help you—and
then list three things you do that make it difficult for your truth tellers to tell
you what you probably don’t want to hear.
3. Who in your life is looking to you to be their truth teller? What do you
understand that role to look like? Be specific. Describe your partnership with
Jesus in this role.
4. What thought from this section did you find most significant? What will you
do to implement it in your life—and what deadline will you set for yourself?
PART IV: THE HEAD OF A GREAT
LEADER (PAGES 123–64)
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When we realize that God is our primary authority and audience and that we are
here to please Him alone, our good intentions travel to our heads.
Key Concept 1
Your compelling vision will be important in guiding and aligning the efforts of
those who are to follow you, or their whole relationship with you is built on a false
foundation of who you are.
1. If you are successful in your life purpose and relationships, what would your
ideal future look like? Be specific.
2. Imagine your ten-year-old daughter asking you, “What are the four most
important values in our family?” What are they?
3. Remember that assessing your life purpose, your picture of the future, your
values, and your goals is an ongoing process. In what specific way(s) can your
compelling vision be used for your greater good and the greater good of those
you lead? And what can you do to glorify God as you seek to fulfill that
vision?
Key Concept 2
Jesus stayed focused on what He was sent to accomplish during His season of
leadership on earth. In total obedience and commitment, Jesus stayed on task. He
did not seek to take on other projects or the agenda others hoped He would fulfill.
1. As a leader, list three things that are most likely to pull you off course from
your purpose. What impact would your changing course or direction have on
the morale of the people you lead?
2. Think of a time in your life when a leader stayed strong and on task despite
tremendous pressure to give up or give in. What was the long-range impact on
your desire to follow and trust that leader?
Key Concept 3
People skeptical about our approach to great leadership contend that the words
servant and leader don’t go together. How can a person both lead and serve?
People who think that way don’t understand the two parts to the great leadership
Jesus exemplified: The visionary role—setting the course and the destination—is
the leadership aspect of great leadership. The implementation role—doing things
the right way with a focus on serving—is the servant aspect of great leadership.
1. Describe in your own words the two parts of leadership—vision and
implementation—and the role of the leader in creating an environment where
people get excited about both where they are headed and how they are going
to get there.
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2. Think for a moment about how well you serve those around you. What do you
do to help those you lead live according to the organization’s vision? What do
you do to help family members live according to the family’s vision?
Leadership is not about power. Leadership is not about control. It’s about
helping people live according to the organization’s or family’s vision and,
ultimately, God’s vision.
3. What thought from this section did you find most significant? What will you
do to implement it in your life—and what deadline will you set for yourself?
PART V: THE HANDS OF A GREAT
LEADER (PAGES 165–208)
Hands provide a powerful symbol of the doing aspect of leading like Jesus. With
His hands, Jesus rescued the fearful, reassured the doubting, restored the fallen,
and beckoned the already occupied to a higher calling and a special personal
relationship with Him.
Key Concept 1
Jesus was the preeminent performance coach, and He changed His leadership
style appropriately as His disciples developed individually and as a group. Jesus
also empowered His followers to carry on the work of sharing the salvation
message after He was gone. Through His hands—through His effectiveness as a
servant leader—Jesus was able to communicate to His disciples what was in His
heart and His head about servant leadership.
1. Describe a time when you were involved in a failure of communication that
resulted in a vast difference between what was expected and what was
delivered. Recall the frustration and wasted energy that could have been
avoided by initially testing for understanding.
2. Only with day-to-day coaching can a leader ensure that the dual goals of
positive results and healthy relationships will be reached. List three things that
happen when a leader delegates responsibility but fails to provide help and
guidance along the way.
Key Concept 2
For individuals to advance from novice to master/teacher, they need leadership
partners who can give them whatever direction and support they need to progress
to the next stage of learning.
1. Describe a time when you were an untrained novice facing a new task or role.
In order to get started, what did you need most from someone? Did you get
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what you needed? If not, what was the result?
2. Describe a time when you were learning something new and needed someone
to push you beyond a failure or an easy early success so that you could get to
a higher level of understanding and performance. Think of a time when you
quit because nobody was around to help you step up to the next level. What
are you doing as a leader to determine who among those you lead needs to be
helped or pushed? What signs of being ready to quit do you watch for?
3. Can you remember a time when you felt underappreciated for a job well done?
What if your leader had come alongside you with some small sign of
appreciation? What effect would that kindness have had on you?
4. Describe a time when you were given the opportunity to teach and guide
others in what you yourself had recently learned. In what ways did your being
prepared as a follower affect how you led others?
Key Concept 3
The true test of great leadership comes when the EGO of the leader and the
EGO of the follower engage one another. How well they recognize and overcome
the pride and fear in their relationship will determine whether they move toward
the mutual satisfaction of commonly held goals—or share in frustrations of their
own making.
1. The ideal relationship between a leader and a follower is characterized by
mutual service and trust. Describe a time when you, as either a leader or a
follower, experienced this type of working relationship. What behaviors
helped produce this positive experience and effective partnership?
2. In what ways do you help your people become high performers? Be specific.
What can you do to make your relationship with your people a true
partnership? Identify the first step you want to take and decide when you will
implement it.
3. What thought from this section did you find most significant? What will you
do to implement it in your life—and what deadline will you set for yourself?
PART VI: THE DOING HABITS (PAGES
209–43)
We will not lead differently until we become different people through the
transformation that results from our relationship with Jesus. We can’t lead like
Jesus without following Jesus.
Key Concept 1
Grace is believing that people are doing the best they can, given their level of
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awareness. It is up to us to make sure grace is extended; we lead in the way of
grace.
1. Describe in your own words what it means for you as a leader to extend grace
to someone under your authority or in your circle of influence.
2. Who in your family or workplace especially needs grace right now? Go now to
be an agent of grace.
Key Concept 2
Out of the depth of your relationship with God, you can seek to be willing to
forgive. It is in this place of being willing to forgive that you can find the ability to
extend forgiveness to another.
1. Why is extending forgiveness an important aspect of leadership?
2. What price must be paid if true forgiveness is to have a positive impact on the
future of a relationship?
3. Whom do you need to forgive in order to restore a productive relationship with
this person who let you down?
Key Concept 3
Encouragement changes our perspectives in a moment. Jesus modeled
encouragement during His season of leadership.
1. What are some phrases you wish you had heard more often when you were
growing up? Spread some of those phrases to at least three people today—and
don’t forget your family.
2. List the names of some people who need an encouraging word or act from
you. What specifically does each one need? When can you give it?
Key Concept 4
Living in community was God’s idea, and He has given us instructions for how
best to build community.
1. Do you have an accountability group? If not, think of ways you could
strengthen your relationships with others by participating in this kind of
Christian fellowship.
Key Concept 5
Foundational to leading like Jesus is embracing a life purpose of loving God
and loving and serving people.
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1. In 1 Corinthians 13 the apostle Paul wrote that love is patient, kind, generous,
courteous, humble, unselfish, good tempered, guileless, and sincere. Ask
yourself these questions about each trait of love:
• When does my life reflect this aspect of love?
• When do I especially struggle to live out this aspect of love?
2. Think of a time when doing the loving thing instead of the popular thing, the
easiest thing, or the safest thing would have restored or retained trust. What
kept you from doing the loving thing? Remember this experience for future
reference.
Key Concept 6
From a practical point of view, leading like Jesus accomplishes the dual
objective of great leadership—results and relationships.
1. When your current season of influence ends, which of the following do you
want to be your legacy? Why?
• Improved service to your customers
• Enhanced development of the talents and gifts of the people under your
influence
• Made a significant impact on the world around you
2. List two action steps toward the goal you chose that you will commit to taking
in the next thirty days.
3. What thought from this section did you find most significant? What will you
do to implement it in your life—and what deadline will you set for yourself?
PART VII: NEXT STEPS TO LEADING
LIKE JESUS (PAGES 245–67)
Key Concept 1
Taking what you have learned about leading like Jesus and applying it in your
daily life as a leader is not easy. One reason is that most people naturally resist
change. That’s why leading people through change requires a passionate sense of
purpose, a compelling vision of the future, and constant reinforcement that the
effort will be worthwhile.
1. Think about a change you were called to be involved in as a leader or a
follower that was difficult for you. Reflect on the seven reasons why leading
even positive change is hard (see pages 252–57). What could you have done
differently as a leader or a follower to make that change easier and/or more
successful?
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Key Concept 2
We all want to be known as someone who is there for others, yet we know that
everyone has to deal, on a daily basis, with the demons of false pride and fear. We
need to be sure our EGO is Exalting God Only and not Edging God Out.
1. Think for a minute and come up with one instance at work and one outside of
work where your EGO was an obstacle to your being an effective leader.
What can you do to overcome pride and fear when you become aware that
they are affecting your decisions or your performance as a leader?
Key Concept 3
Leading like Jesus is a one-step-at-a-time journey and day-by-day challenge,
not a final destination. And leading like Jesus can be done only in the power of the
Holy Spirit and with committed, supportive relationships, first with God and then
with others. Staying the course in this journey means frequently checking where
you are and where you are headed and making any necessary course corrections.
1. For each of the four leadership domains, list one action item you feel would be
the hardest for you to continually improve without the help of the Holy Spirit.
Heart:
Head:
Hands:
Habits:
Key Concept 4
One unique resource for followers of Jesus is the active presence of the Holy
Spirit as Counselor and Guide in our lives. Jesus promised in John 14:26, “The
Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you
all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.”
1. Using your own words, write out a prayer to God. Invite the Holy Spirit to
take control of your heart, head, hands, and habits as you seek to gain victory
over obstacles that stand in the way of your leading like Jesus. Repeat this
process often—for the rest of your life. God bless.
196
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
From Ken: I’m thankful for my wife, Margie; our son, Scott; his wife, Madeleine;
our daughter, Debbie; and all of our grandchildren for bringing a continuous
stream of joy into my life. I’m also grateful for my administrative and editorial
support team, Margery Allen, Martha Lawrence, Renee Broadwell, and Anna
Espino, for keeping me in line and making me smile.
From Phil: Thank you to my wife, Jane, for her loving support, candor, and
patience; to Philip and Marion Hodges and Paul and LeeAnne Pinner for their
inspiration as the loving parents of our seven grandchildren; and to my sister, Liz
Pavoni, for her constant encouragement.
From Phyllis: Thank you to my family for their constant support, unconditional
love, and encouragement in every season of my life and particularly as I have been
writing Lead Like Jesus Revisited. You remind me of what leading like Jesus looks
like in real life, and your lives push me to teach others about the daily difference
Jesus makes. Thank you to Jesus—the one who inspires me moment to moment to
grow His dream in me to become more like Him and teach others to do the same.
From the authors: Besides our three-member Consultant Team of the Father,
the Son, and the Holy Spirit, the authors want to acknowledge the contributions of
the following servant leaders:
• Karen McGuire, for continuing to lovingly proofread and edit for the Lead
Like Jesus ministry. Karen’s contribution to Lead Like Jesus and now to Lead
Like Jesus Revisited has been critical in capturing the Lead Like Jesus
message. Karen’s heart for Jesus, her heart to serve, and her heart for
excellence shine through on every page.
• Renee Broadwell, for her patience and great skill in editing our final work to
ensure the message of this book was the message we meant it to be.
• Avery Willis and Lee Ross, our coauthors of the Lead Like Jesus: Beginning
the Journey study guide, for the many concepts we developed together.
• The Lead Like Jesus team, who continue to demonstrate leading like Jesus in
everyday tasks both great and small.
• Jack Countryman, who believed in the Lead Like Jesus message early on.
• Dallas Willard, for his high scholarship and wisdom in calling us into a
deeper and more intimate relationship with Jesus.
• Henry Blackaby, for his unwavering focus on abiding in the heart, mind, and
will of God.
• Robert S. McGee, for his concept of Satan’s formula for self-worth being the
197
sum of your performance plus the opinion of others.
• Bill Hybels, our coauthor on Leadership by the Book, who inspired our
journey to study the heart, head, hands, and habits of leading like Jesus.
198
NOTES
Chapter 2: The Greatest Leadership Role Model of All Time
1. Ken Blanchard first developed Situational Leadership® with Paul Hersey in the
late 1960s. It was in the early 1980s that Blanchard and the founding associates
of the Ken Blanchard Companies—Margie Blanchard, Don Carew, Eunice
Parisi-Carew, Fred Finch, Calla Crafts, Laurie Hawkins, Pat Zigarmi, and Drea
Zigarmi—created a new generation of the theory, called Situational Leadership®
II. The best description of this thinking can be found in Kenneth Blanchard,
Patricia Zigarmi, and Drea Zigarmi, Leadership and the One Minute Manager
(New York: William Morrow, 1985).
Chapter 4: Is Jesus a Relevant Role Model for Us Today?
1. William Barclay, “Commentary on John 14:1,” The New Daily Study Bible,
http://www.studylight.org/commentaries/dsb/view.cgi?bk=42&ch=14&vs=1.
Chapter 6: The Four Domains of Leading Like Jesus
1. John Ortberg, The Life You’ve Always Wanted: Spiritual Disciplines for
Ordinary People (1997; repr., Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2002), 167.
Part II: The Heart of a Great Leader
1. A. W. Tozer, The Knowledge of the Holy: The Attributes of God: Their Meaning
in the Christian Life, 1st gift ed. (New York: HarperSanFrancisco, 1992), 1.
Chapter 8: I Want to Lead Like Jesus, But My Heart Does Not
1. Robert S. McGee, The Search for Significance: Your True Worth Through God’s
Eyes (Nashville: W Publishing, 2003), 21.
Chapter 9: The Results of a Heart Out of Order
1. Inspired by C. S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters (repr., New York:
HarperCollins, 2001), 44: “an ever-increasing craving for an ever-diminishing
pleasure.”
Chapter 10: Warning Signs on the Path to Edging God Out
1. Francis Fisher Browne, The Every-day Life of Abraham Lincoln: A Narrative
and Descriptive Biography with Pen-Pictures and Personal Recollections by
Those Who Knew Him (Chicago: Browne & Howell, 1914), 408–10.
2. Leighton Ford, Transforming Leadership: Jesus’ Way of Creating Vision,
Shaping Values and Empowering Change (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity
Press, 1991), 261.
199
3. Gordon MacDonald, Ordering Your Private World (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale,
2003).
Chapter 11: A Heart Turnaround
1. Jim Collins, Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap . . . and
Others Don’t (New York: HarperCollins, 2001), 35.
2. Ken Blanchard and Norman Vincent Peale, The Power of Ethical Management
(New York: William Morrow, 1988), 39.
3. Fred Smith, Breakfast with Fred (Ventura, CA: Regal Books/Gospel Light,
2007), 166.
Part III: The Being Habits
1. Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For? (Grand
Rapids: Zondervan, 2002), 175.
Chapter 14: The Habit of Practicing Prayer
1. Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (New York: Dodd, Mead, 1935),
171.
2. Johnson Oatman Jr., “Count Your Blessings,” 1897.
Chapter 16: The Habit of Maintaining Supportive Relationships
1. Ken Blanchard and Colleen Barrett, Lead with LUV: A Different Way to Create
Real Success (Upper Saddle River, NJ: Financial Times Press, 2011), 106.
2. Ken Blanchard, Bill Hybels, and Phil Hodges, Leadership by the Book: Tools to
Transform Your Workplace (New York: William Morrow, 1999), 110.
Part IV: The Head of a Great Leader
1. Ken Blanchard and Jesse Lyn Stoner, Full Steam Ahead! Unleash the Power of
Vision in Your Work and Your Life (San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler, 2003), 79.
Chapter 17: Developing Your Own Compelling Vision
1. Susan Fowler developed this process for the Situational Self Leadership program
offered by the Ken Blanchard Companies. For more information, see
www.kenblanchard.com.
2. Ken Blanchard and Michael O’Connor, Managing by Values: How to Put Your
Values into Action for Extraordinary Results (San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler,
1997), 112.
Chapter 19: Creating a Compelling Team/Organizational Vision
1. Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking
Glass (1865/1872; repr., New York: Cosimo Books, 2010), 41.
2. Everything written here about Louisiana State Penitentiary, Warden Burl Cain,
and the Malachi Dads program came from visits by Phyllis Hendry and Phil
200
Hodges to the prison and in-person discussions with Warden Cain.
3. Pew Charitable Trusts, Collateral Costs: Incarceration’s Effects on Economic
Mobility (Washington, DC: Pew Charitable Trusts, 2010), 18; Roger Weeder,
“Breaking the Cycle: Children Who Have Parents in Jail,” Operation New Hope,
May 6, 2015, http://operationnewhope.org/breaking-the-cycle-children-whohave-parents-in-jail/.
4. Jeff James, “Standards with Purpose,” Talking Point: The Disney Institute Blog,
September 4, 2012, https://disneyinstitute.com/blog/2012/09/standards-withpurpose/94/.
5. Ken first heard this concept of great leaders being like third-grade teachers from
Max DePree, the legendary former chairman of Herman Miller.
6. Ken Blanchard, John P. Carlos, and Alan Randolph, Empowerment Takes More
Than a Minute (San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler, 1996).
Chapter 20: Implementing Your Compelling Vision
1. Bob Buford, Halftime: Moving from Success to Significance (Grand Rapids:
Zondervan, 1994), 197.
Chapter 22: The Work of the Carpenter
1. Henry Drummond, The Greatest Thing in the World (Chicago: Revell, 1891),
32.
Chapter 23: The Way of the Carpenter
1. John MacArthur, Twelve Ordinary Men: How the Master Shaped His Disciples
for Greatness—and What He Wants to Do with You (Nashville: Thomas Nelson,
2002).
2. Ibid., 39.
3. More than forty years ago, Ken began developing Situational Leadership® with
Paul Hersey. Today, the latest version of that concept, called Situational
Leadership® II, is used widely around the world to help leaders develop highperforming leader-follower relationships. It was not until the late 1980s, when
Ken became a believer and read the Bible, that he realized how compatible the
concepts contained in Situational Leadership® II were with the biblical record of
how Jesus trained and developed His disciples as He moved them from call to
commission. In fact, this Way of the Carpenter model is an adaptation of the
Situational Leadership® II model. To find out more about Situational
Leadership® II, read Ken Blanchard, Patricia Zigarmi, and Drea Zigarmi,
Leadership and the One Minute Manager: Increasing Effectiveness Through
Situational Leadership (New York: Harper Collins, 1985).
Chapter 25: The Habit of Obeying God and Expressing His Unconditional
Love
1. Henry Drummond, The Greatest Thing in the World (Chicago: Revell, 1891),
201
18.
Chapter 29: The Habit of Community
1. Rod Handley, Character Counts: Who’s Counting Yours? (Grand Island, NE:
Cross Training, 2002), 35–36.
Chapter 31: Leading Positive Change
1. Ken Blanchard et al., Leading at a Higher Level (Upper Saddle River, NJ:
Financial Times Press, 2009), 215.
2. If you are interested in learning more about Ken’s journey to a healthier
lifestyle, read Fit at Last (San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler, 2014), which Ken
Blanchard coauthored with his fitness coach, Tim Kearin.
Chapter 32: EGOs Anonymous: Taking the First Step Toward Exalting God
Only
1. Alcoholics Anonymous, The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (New York:
Works Publishing, 1939).
202
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
KEN BLANCHARD
Ken Blanchard is one of the most influential leadership experts in the world. A
prominent speaker and author, he has coauthored more than sixty books, including
The New One Minute Manager®. His books have combined sales of more than 21
million copies in forty-two languages. Ken and his wife, Margie, cofounded the
Ken Blanchard Companies®, a leading international training and consulting firm.
Ken had been teaching effective leadership principles for years when he began
to study the Bible. He soon became fascinated with how Jesus led perfectly in
every way, transforming twelve ordinary, unlikely individuals into the first
generation of Christian leaders and launching a movement that continues to affect
the course of world history more than two thousand years later.
Inspired by Jesus’ model of leadership, Ken and his lifelong friend Phil Hodges
cofounded the Lead Like Jesus global ministry.
203
PHIL HODGES
Phil Hodges served as a human resources and industrial relations manager for
Xerox Corporation and U.S. Steel for thirty-six years. In 1997 he became a
consulting partner with the Ken Blanchard Companies®, where he focused on
issues relating to leadership and customer service. In 1999 Phil cofounded the Lead
Like Jesus leadership ministry with friend Ken Blanchard.
In addition to helping men and women of faith walk their talk in the
marketplace, Phil has a passion for bringing effective leadership principles into the
church. Acting on that passion, he served as member and chairman of his local
church elder council for more than ten years.
Phil is coauthor of five books, including two he wrote with his friend Ken
Blanchard: Lead Like Jesus: Lessons from the Greatest Leadership Role Model of
All Time and Lead Like Jesus for Churches.
Phil finds great joy in living out his life role relationships of husband, father,
and grandpa. He and his wife, Jane Kinnaird Hodges, live in Southern California.
204
PHYLLIS HENDRY
Phyllis Hendry is president and CEO of the Lead Like Jesus global ministry. She is
also a sought-after keynote speaker who travels throughout the United States and
the world to deliver hope-filled messages straight from her heart, sharing the stage
with such notables as Ken Blanchard, John Ortberg, Patrick Lencioni, and Henry
Blackaby. Phyllis also enjoys speaking in such intimate settings as church
congregations, small group retreats, and one-on-one encounters.
Prior to joining Lead Like Jesus, Phyllis served for eleven years as president of
the National Science Center, Inc., in Augusta, Georgia, a partnership with the
United States Army, where she collaborated with top military and government
officials.
Phyllis’s greatest desire is to lead individuals into a deeper relationship with
Jesus. Through Lead Like Jesus, she helps equip and empower people around the
world to adopt Jesus as their leadership role model so that, through Him, the world
will be forever changed.
Phyllis resides in Spartanburg, South Carolina, and enjoys spending time with
her four children and nine grandchildren.
205
INDEX
abdicating, vs. delegating, 195
accountability, 241–242
accountability group, 233–236
ACTS method of prayer, 103–104
Adam and Eve, 56
addiction, 56–57
adoration in prayer, 103
anger, 214
apprentice, 182, 196
EGO issues, 206
needs of, 185–188
Peter as, 186–188
assumptions about people, 174
attitude, change in, 249
authority, God as, 77–78
awkwardness from change, 252–253
Barrett, Colleen, 118
behavior, 42, 210
change in, 249–250
Being Habits, 37–38, 85–87, 247
abiding in God’s love, 89–94
and EGOs Anonymous 12 steps, 266
knowing and applying scripture,
105–113
prayer, 99–104
solitude, 95–98
supportive relationships, 115–122
beliefs, 36, 39–41
Blanchard, James, 44–45
both/and approach, 138–139
bring-me-a-rock syndrome, 161
Buford, Bob, Halftime, 162
Cain, Burl, 146–147
called people, 71
Cardone Industries, 236–237
206
carpenter, Jesus as, 173–177
Cathy, S. Truett, 228
Chambers, Oswald, 100
change, xiv, 23, 239–240
in attitude, 249
in behavior, 249–250
in cultural norms and
expectations, 250–252
God’s love and, 93
heart and, 42, 73–83
in knowledge, 248–249
levels of, 248–252
limits to, 254
positive, 247–257
reasons for difficulty in leading,
252–257
children with parents in prison, 147
choices, 152–153
coaching, day-to-day, 168, 169–171
Collins, Jim, Good to Great, 79
Colson, Chuck, 163
community, 210, 231–238
EGOs Anonymous and, 263–264
comparison, with others, 61, 63
confession, in prayer, 103
confidence, God and, 78–81
conflict, in leader-follower
relationships, 202–203
consultant, Jesus as, 19–20
controllers, 58
core values, 32, 130–132
costs, 174–175
courtesy, 150
cultural norms, change in, 250–252
culture
of community, 237
of organization, 142
day-to-day coaching, 168, 169–171
decision-making, 120–121
HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely,
Tired) and, 68
delegating, vs. abdicating, 195
dependence on self vs. God, 66
discernment, 224
207
disciples, Jesus’ transformation of, 179
Disney, Walt, 144–146, 149–150
distortion, 62–63
do-nothing bosses, 59
Doing Habits, 37–38, 209–210, 247
community, 210, 231–238
and EGOs Anonymous twelve
steps, 266
encouragement, 210, 227–230, 231
example, 232–237
forgiveness, 210, 217, 221–225, 231
grace, 210, 217–220, 231
driven people, 70–71
Drummond, Henry, 173
The Greatest Thing in the World, 213
dynamite, 128
Edging God Out (EGO), 50–52, 81,
199–210
admitting problem, 263
in leader-follower relationships,
200–201
in learning stages, 205–208
pride and fear, 53–58
summary, 63
warning signs, 65–72
efficiency, 150
EGOs Anonymous, 259–267
twelve steps, 264–265
80/20 rule, 133
empowerment, 29
encouragement, 210, 227–230
Erickson, Doug, 146
Exalting God Only (EGO), 73–83
admitting problem, 263
taking first step, 259–267
expectations, change in, 250–252
exploitation, in leader-follower
relationships, 203
faith, 18
and work, 45
family, 170
environment of love, 212
forgiveness in, 222–223
leadership in, 30
208
organization in, 32–33
vision for, 160–161
FEAR (False Evidence Appearing
Real), 62
fear (self-protection), 1, 53, 55, 56–58,
62, 63
of intimacy, 61
in leader-follower relationships, 203
results of, 58–64
feedback, 117
negative response to, 69–71
final exams, 161–162
Ford, Leighton, Transforming
Leadership, 69
forgiveness, 210, 221–225, 231
withholding, 217
formula, Everything – Love = Nothing,
xiii, 172
freedom, xi
future, picture of, 128–130, 145–148
Ghana, 251
goals, 10, 133
establishing, 153–154
involving others in, 169
vs. life purpose, 126
vs. vision, 147–148
God. See also Edging God Out (EGO);
Exalting God Only (EGO)
abiding in love of, 86, 89–94
as authority, 77–78
dependence on self vs., 66
Edging God Out (EGO), 50–52
guidance from, 15–16
Jesus’ focus on pleasing, 142
listening to, 98
obedience to, 78, 211–215
separation from, 59
time with, 87
worshipping, 73–75
grace, 210, 217–220, 231
Grier, Rosey, 120–121
habits, 37–38
aligning with hearts, heads, and
209
hands, 35
HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired), 68
hands, 37, 247
aligning with hearts, heads, and
habits, 35
of great leader, 165–166
of Jesus, 165–166
heads, 36, 123–124, 247
aligning with hearts, hands, and
habits, 35
core values, 130–132
goals, 133
vision development, 125–134
hearts, 36, 247
aligning with heads, hands, and
habits, 35
change, 73–83
of great leader, 39–42
importance of, 41
and motivation, 49
posture in prayer, 101
heaven, 232
Hersey, Paul, 11
Holy Spirit, 176
humility, 205
God and, 78–80
Hybels, Bill, 11
I factor, 65–68
identity, description, 26
influence, of leaders, 4
internal change, xi, 2, 39
intimacy with God, 60–61
isolation, in leadership, 119
Jesus
as carpenter, 173–177
and change, 246
disciples’ transformation, 181
followers’ understanding of
mission, 136
forgiveness by, 224
Great Commission, 195
leadership effectiveness, 10
210
as leadership role model, xii
Mount of Transfiguration, 115
prayer in Gethsemane, 100–102
priorities, 149
relationship with Peter, 180
relationships with, 209
relevance of teaching, 17
servant leadership, 166
transfiguration, 188
vision of, 135–139
wilderness temptation, 25–26, 109
Joni and Friends, 32
journeyman, 182, 196
EGO issues, 207
needs of, 189–191
judgment, 224
Kennedy, John F., 148
King, Martin Luther Jr., “I Have a
Dream” speech, 148
knowing scripture, and applying, 105–113
knowledge, change in, 248–249
Lead Like Jesus ministry, values, 150–151
leader-follower partnership, 196–197
Edging God Out (EGO) in, 200–201
ideal, 201–202
improvement potential, 204–205
ineffective, 202–204
leaders
challenge of, 66–67
core values, 32
importance of, xi
influence of, 4
life role leadership, 160
personal statement, 240–243
positional power of, 157–158
raw materials of, 174
roles, 142–143, 160
roles, and learning stages, 196–197
view of, 1–2
vision of, 161–164
Leadership by the Book, 118–119
leadership domains, 35–38
leadership role model, xi
211
Jesus as, xii
sharing, 240
Leading like Jesus
beginning to apply, 239
next steps, 245–246
next steps checklist, 269
next steps resource list, 271–274
learning stages
Edging God Out (EGO) in,
205–208
and leader roles, 196–197
life purpose, 125–128
life role leadership, 4–5
Lincoln, Abraham, 66–67
listening
to God, 98
to truth, 117
loneliness
from change, 253
in leadership, 119
loss, sensed from change, 253
Louisiana State Penitentiary, 146
love, xii–xiii, 43
and action, 211–212
God’s unconditional, 211–215
grace and, 219
importance of, 28
leadership based on, 44–45
mother’s selfless, 45–46
of parent for child, 91
and relationships, 91
MacArthur, John, Twelve Ordinary
Men, 180
MacDonald, Gordon, Ordering Your
Private World, 70
Malachi Dads program, 147
management, 143
management by wandering around, 11
manipulation, in leader-follower
relationships, 203–204
marriage, 214–215
Mary (mother of Jesus), as servant, 6
master/teacher, 182, 196
EGO issues, 207
212
needs of, 191–195
Peter as, 192–195
Mazza, Doug, 32
McGee, Robert S., The Search for
Significance, 51
meditation on scripture, 111–113
memorization of scripture, 108–111
Meyer, Paul J., 248
micromanaging, 57
MINE perspective, 68–69
mission, Jesus’ followers and, 136
mission statement, 144–145
mother, selfless love of, 45–46
motivation, 49
Nobel, Alfred, 128
normal distribution curve, 168
novice, 181–182, 196
EGO issues, 206
needs of, 182–184
Peter as, 183–184
obedience, 18
to God, 78, 211–215
obituary, 128–129
organization chart, and leaders, 3–4
organizational leadership, 4–5, 31–33
Ortberg, John, 9–10, 232
The Life You’ve Always Wanted, 35
others
comparison with, 61
as priority over God, 51–52
separation from, 60
parable of the sower, 106
parents, love for child, 91
patience, 186
peace, 86–87
Peale, Norman Vincent, 79, 80
performance coach, 185
leader as, 167–172
performance evaluation, 168
performance planning, 168
personal relationships, transformation
and, 24
213
Peter, 17, 27–28, 179–181, 255
as apprentice, 186–188
as journeyman, 189–191
as master/teacher, 192–195
as novice, 183–184
relationship with Jesus, 180
Pharisees, 78, 159
Philip, 255
positional power, of leaders, 157–158
possessions, of driven people, 71
prayer, 99–104
ACTS method, 103–104
Jesus in Gethsemane, 100–102
preemptive, 102
pride (self-promotion), 1, 53, 54–55, 63
in leader-follower relationships,
202–203
results of, 58–64
priorities
and God, 50–52
of values, 148–149
purpose, 135
clarity of, 169
of vision, 144–145
pyramid hierarchy, 156–157, 159
readiness for change, 255
reasons for actions, heart and, 39
relationships
with Jesus, 209
of life role leaders, 5
small-group fellowship, 118–120
standard for, 175–176
supportive, 115–122
trust and, 29–30
truth tellers, 116–118
repentance, 227
resources, worry about, 254–255
respect, 1
responsibility of leaders, 155
Ridge, Garry, 170–171
role models, 4
safety, 150
Schuller, Robert, Hour of Power, 10–11
214
scribes, Jesus and, 78
scripture. See also separate Scripture
index
knowing and applying, 105–113
meditating on, 111–113
memorization, 108–111
reading, 107–108
studying, 108
security, from God, 75–76
self
dependence on God vs., 66
separation from, 60
self-esteem, 80–81
self-examination, 25–27
self-focus, vs. servant heart, 199
self-interest, as motivation, 50
self-promotion, 1
self-protection, 1
self-sacrifice, 1
self-worth, 76
separation, 59–61, 63
servant heart, vs. self-focus, 199
servant leadership, 2, 6, 142–143
investment in followers, 167
Jesus and, 13–16
and pyramid hierarchy, 156–157,
159
service, 35
Situational Leadership, 11, 297n1
Situational Leadership II, 300n3
small-group fellowship, 118–120
Smith, Fred, Breakfast with Fred, 80
solitude, 95–98
spheres of influence, 24–33
leading another, 27–28
leading organization, 31–33
leading others, 29–30
self, 25–27
standards, setting, 175
studying scripture, 108
success, 85
succession planning, 69
supplication, in prayer, 104
supportive relationships, 115–122
215
Synovus, 44
tasks, stages of learning, 181–182
team/organizational vision, 141–154
thanksgiving, in prayer, 103
Thomas, 255
Tozer, A.W., 39
transformation, 23–33
trust, 25, 195, 236
of followers, 138
in God, 74
in Jesus, 14–15
in relationships, 27–28
in something other than God, 51
truth tellers, 116–118
ultimate authority, 25
understanding, testing, 248
values
making tough choices, 152–153
in vision, 148–151
vision
developing, 125–134
vs. goals, 147–148
implementing, 155–164
of Jesus, 135–139
leadership and, 143, 161–164
parts, 144
picture of future, 128–130, 145–148
purpose, 144–145
servant leadership and, 163
team/organizational, 141–154
values in, 148–151
vulnerabilities, disclosing, 118
Warren, Rick, The Purpose Driven
Life, 87
WD-40 Company, 170–171
wisdom, God as source, 77
work, and faith, 44
workaholic, 57
216
SCRIPTURE INDEX
Genesis
1:27–28 231–232
1 Kings
19:12 96
1 Chronicles
29:11 103
Psalm
1:1–2 111
17:8 26
20:7 76
46:10 95, 98
103:1–2 107
119:9, 11 108
119:11 41
Proverbs
3:5–6 110
4:23 39
13:10 55
16:5 55
16:18 55
18:21 228
27:6 118
27:17 232
29:18 145
Ecclesiastes
4:9–10 117
4:12 115
12:13 56
Isaiah
43:1 110
217
J
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1 John
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4:16 89
4:19 90
Revelation
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2:1–7 50–51
223
224
225
目录
Title Page 5
Copyright Page 6
Contents 7
Ebook Instructions 9
Introduction 10
Part I: A Biblical Perspective On Leadership 13
Chapter 1: Are You a Leader? 15
Chapter 2: The Greatest Leadership Role Model of All Time 18
Chapter 3: Jesus the Servant 21
Chapter 4: Is Jesus a Relevant Role Model for Us Today? 23
Chapter 5: A Transformational Journey That Begins On the Inside 26
Chapter 6: The Four Domains of Leading Like Jesus 33
Part II: The Heart of a Great Leader 36
Chapter 7: What Does Leading Like Jesus Look Like? 39
Chapter 8: I Want to Lead Like Jesus, But My Heart Does Not 42
Chapter 9: The Results of a Heart Out of Order 45
Chapter 10: Warning Signs On the Path to Edging God Out 53
Chapter 11: A Heart Turnaround 58
Part III: The Being Habits 65
Chapter 12: The Habit of Accepting and Abiding In God’s
Unconditional Love
68
Chapter 13: The Habit of Experiencing Solitude 72
Chapter 14: The Habit of Practicing Prayer 75
Chapter 15: The Habit of Knowing and Applying Scripture 79
Chapter 16: The Habit of Maintaining Supportive Relationships 85
Part IV: The Head of a Great Leader 90
Chapter 17: Developing Your Own Compelling Vision 91
Chapter 18: Jesus’ Compelling Vision 97
Chapter 19: Creating a Compelling Team/Organizational Vision 100
Chapter 20: Implementing Your Compelling Vision 109
Part V: The Hands of a Great Leader 115
226
Chapter 21: The Leader As a Performance Coach 117
Chapter 22: The Work of the Carpenter 121
Chapter 23: The Way of the Carpenter 124
Chapter 24: The EGO Factor 137
Part VI: The Doing Habits 145
Chapter 25: The Habit of Obeying God and Expressing His
Unconditional Love
147
Chapter 26: The Habit of Grace 150
Chapter 27: The Habit of Forgiveness 152
Chapter 28: The Habit of Encouragement 155
Chapter 29: The Habit of Community 158
Chapter 30: Leading Like Jesus Begins In You 163
Part VII: Next Steps to Leading Like Jesus 166
Chapter 31: Leading Positive Change 168
Chapter 32: EGOs Anonymous: Taking the First Step Toward
Exalting God Only
175
Next Steps to Leading Like Jesus: Checklist 180
Next Steps to Leading Like Jesus: Resource List 181
Discussion Guide 184
Acknowledgments 197
Notes 199
About the Authors 203
Index 206
Scripture Index 217
227